Huge Relationship problem need other views.?

Question

I have been with my borfriend for 10 months and were about to move in together (some people might think thats too early but thats not my question so please dont comment on that) our relationship is cool I really love him but I've been havig feelings about an ex boyfriend. Im thinking maybe its because I didnt give myself anytime to heal, I was with my current boyfriend before I really broke it off completely with my ex and it was a really bad break up with no closure. The other night my feelings were so out of control I actually call my ex, we talked for a while and wound up having phone sex, (Is that consider as cheating?) and at the moment when I climaxed I told him I loved him, then I hung up. Of course he called back and of course I answered we talked some more and I told him I thought the feelings were real but at this pont I'm very confused so I needed some time. I know I dont want to be with my ex again because the relationship was bad. I feel happy with my boyfriend -SO WHY???

Answer 1

While it is natural to go back to what is familiar, you really need to understand that you have a new life now with a new boyfriend. Give him a chance.Give yourself a chance. And congratulations for making a bold step to end a bad relationship. Good luck.

Answer 2

When you break up with someone, especially if there's no closure, you do still think of that person. That being said, you should look at this situation from your currant boyfriend's point of view. Even though he doesn't know what you did, step into his shoes. If it was him who had phone sex with an exgirlfriend, and who told that ex that he loved her, what would you do, and how would you feel? Think about that, then think about something else. Are you going to stay with the currant boyfriend? Or do you really want the ex back? This is a question only you can answer. If you're staying with the boyfriend you have sever all ties with the ex, for your sanity, and to stop yourself from hurting your boyfriend. You remember the good times with the ex, and the good feelings, but remember why you broke up, and the bad times too. I have plenty of exes in my past, and once they gained the title ex, that's where they stayed. Obviously you still have feelings for the ex, which is understandable especially if there was no closure. You have to weigh those feelings with the feelings you have for your boyfriend. You have to choose one, and it'll hurt, if you tell your boyfriend what you did, he'll hurt too, and if you don't it'll eat away at you. It is cheating, and if you're going to live together, you can't do that. If he did find out, and stayed with you there would be no trust, and once the trust is gone things fall apart quickly, I know that from experiance. So... you can't do anything to lose his trust.

It's hard to let go, I think that's why you did what you did. You still have all these memories, and all these feelings. Maybe some part of you wants to work things out if it'll be better, maybe you just want a fling. Either way if you're not going to be with your ex, you have to cut him lose, and not answer his calls, and not call him. When you feel guilty, it eats at you, and it will destroy your new relationship. I wish you the best, and I hope you work this out.

Answer 3

Lust perhaps? I really don't know. Maybe he was your first love and you really never let go. Fact is you summed it all up at the end. You're happy with your boyfriend and do not want to try again with your ex. So, if you're not able to control yourself with him as your friend then simply remove him from the equation. You may think it's shady to simply stop answering his calls and any other kind of attempt from him to talk to you, but don't you think it's even less shady than talking to this guy behind your boyfriend's back and letting another slip up happen again? Btw, that was really f@cked up what you did with your ex on the phone. Whether it was technically cheating or not, it's still infidelity and I hope you make it up to your real boyfriend by staying faithful to him from here on out.

Btw, to answer your main question a little better, you're probably just suffering from the 'grass is greener' complex. You see you've got something real with your boyfriend and realize you won't be having another go at other men for a while if all goes well and so you crave it/want it/need it (or so you think). Use some will power. Some self-control. If you don't have it in you to keep your thoughts in check then make it a point to keep your actions honest by doing what I said to do.

Answer 4

Because no matter how or why the old relationship ended we feel comfortable looking back. It's scary trying to move on but you will and have because you have found someone that you are happy with!
Phone sex is a form of cheating...but who hasn't done it before! As time goes by you will realize that you no longer have any feeling (like you thought you did) for the ex! Trust me, I have been there (very similar situation) but have moved on and eventually got married.

Answer 5

maybe the current one is just to boring and simple you find your self wanting the drama that involved the last relationship. bad is bad and will always be if you never take control of the situation. If I was you I would stay free and live alone until I knew for sure who I wanted to live with. Having sex over the phone was just as bad as in person so you should had just met and done it. Actually seeing him would had rehashed those memories of WHY you left him. I know I make it a rule to never ever stay in touch with my ex's. Yes I do think about them and the good times we had but I need to also bring to light that the BAD TIMES out weighed the GOOD more so. So until you sort out your head. stay where you are as moving in and playing house is not a good idea until you sort this ex out.

Answer 6

Its all a test that you are giving yourself wether or not your boyfriend now is "THE GUY". YES it is cheating even if it is not physical sex it is still cheating. You're sharing something intimate with someone other than your mate and you are not telling him about it. Obviously he is not "THE GUY" for you because if he was your feelings for him would have naturaly not let you do what you did. I am not saying what you did was wrong cuase I am nobody to judge someone else. Just enjoy your time and keep livin life. But always be honest and never keep secrets you wouldn't want kept from you.

Answer 7

when our mind is controlled by heart, we try to give justifications for our wrong doings. Cheating is not just mean by going phisically against. cheating means you are not with somthing by heart. And definitely your heart cheated at that time.

Only you know better why you broke your old relationship. If it was for valid reason, just leave it behind. Otherwise you neither can live in past nor in present.
For some time think about some other things than relationship. Try to get you mind settledown. and then go for any decision about relationship.

good luck!

Answer 8

you made a mistake, just go on from here. you already know that it won't work with your old boyfriend so at least you're on the right track there. i divorced after many years of marriage and it was still hard to make the break even though i was the one filing. when i met my current husband i just knew it was right and that made me want to finally make the break with my ex. just remember the feelings of your boyfriend now and how would he feel if he found out. sometimes it just takes time.

Answer 9

Because you need to feel that although you are commited, you are still "attractive" and "in control" of your destiny. However, it's not a good sign, so I would suggest if you're serious about your boyfriend cut all ties with the ex...

Sometimes people do stupid things. If they didn't, they would not be able to give advice based on EXPERIENCE.

Answer 10

you may hit upon a secure outlet to your anger over being betrayed so deeply. you have been wronged, needless to say. yet hurting the guy or her won't make that harm go away. it is going to basically pile on greater remorseful approximately. and doubtless penitentiary time. She's no longer the guy you thought she became into, and that's a troublesome thought to get used to. now's no longer the time to think of approximately forgiveness. good now, all you're able to do is grieve. Grieve over the lack of ability of have faith, and the lack of ability of the courting you thought you had. no remember in case you're taking her lower back or no longer is a query for later. Even then, it is not fairly the comparable courting.