C-sections - grieving the loss of giving natural birth...?

Question

I have had both of my sons, through c-sections, and this was because my pelvic area was too narrow.
I was in labor with my first son, for 16 hours, and after the 10th hour of harsh contractions, the doctors knew I would need a c-section, but allowed me to continue for another 6 hours, 'just in case'. My husband was there, with me, and was all ready to go into the O.R with me, and at the last minute, the doctors had decided to do an emergency c-section, knowing that 6 hours prior, I would most likely get one. I felt terrible, as did my husband, who desperatly wanted to be there, too. After my son was born, I cried, for a long time, like I was grieving that I didn't have him, naturally.
My second son was born, and I had to have another c-section, and this time, they planned the surgery. My husband was going to be there, again, and at the last minute, after my husband got ready, the doctors decided to have an emergency c-section. I almost died. I'm still feeling that grief, though...

Answer 1

I hope this doesn't sound cold, but I have had 2 Csections. First after 18 hrs of labor and failure to progress. The baby was never going to fit out of my pelvis anyways. Her and I would have both died.

2nd was a scheduled csection because we knew it would be a repeat. Both of us would have died. My husband was there through every second of each birth and even cut the cords.

Grief? Absolutely not. Not one second of grief when I know the alternative. I never gave it a second thought and were happy to hold my babies each time.

Answer 2

For whatever reason, you were born with too small of a pelvis to deliver naturally. But your babies lived. They lived! Several hundred years ago you both would have died. As a woman that has only given birth naturally, I think you were brave for getting pregnant the second time, knowing a c-section was a possibility. I was terrified I might have to have a c-section (I'm scared of any type of surgery). The important part is that you have a healthy baby, not how your baby came out. I understand that it bothers you, but you need to focus on the positives.

Answer 3

I have also had two C-sections each followed by PND/PostNatal Psychosis which required ECT in a mental health facility both times. My short-term memory has suffered as a result. It is OK to have feelings of anger and sadness of being denied the opportunity to experience natural childbirth. My two sons are now 7 and 5 and their presence in the world makes it all worthwhile. Rejoice in your children and enjoy them. Be assured that this pain will pass. Sharing your story with others (like on this forum) is part of your healing process.

Answer 4

If you had given birth naturally, you and the child might both have died. Blame evolution for giving humans a highly inefficient and potentially method of giving birth. You should rejoice that you were living in a modern country. Otherwise you wouldn't be the one grieving.

Answer 5

i also felt a loss when i had to have c- sec i am a mother of six three of which i had natural and three c-sec and there is defiantly a loss or something missing Whit the c sec and the healing process take so much longer after a c- sec and i have lost my seance of feeling all around the scar its all so impersonal and frightening to me the whole process's i however am grateful we have the ablilty to do what is nessary but i so agree it is a loss . but all is well now i have 5 girls and 1 boy and they all healthy !! thank god!

Answer 6

I prefer natural birth, but who am I to say? Have healthy kids!