I have a girlfriend who I was oh so close to breaking up with. Seems we were just not compatible with eachother..She felt we were but it was obvious we were not. I did the dumb thing and continued to sleep with her and she somehow miracuously got pregnant. Now she wants to keep this baby, get married.move in together,buy a house,blah blah blah...Did I mention that i dont love her and wanted break up with her. I am stuck between doing what is right or dumping her and caring for the child separatley..One other problem....I still love my Ex-Wife!!!...help here
2006-12-06 18:20:06 · 28 answers · asked by nuance92551 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I knew a young man who felt trapped by a pregnancy like that. He would not give into the woman and ruin his life by marrying her, but he did support his child and maintain a relationship with the child which has been very rewarding for him. Don't allow yourself to get trapped in a loveless relationship. You teach your child more by sticking to your beliefs than by allowing some woman to force you into a situation you know you will not be happy in.
Peace!
2006-12-06 18:24:21 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Break it off. You dont want to spend valuable time and money and every thing else on this relationship that will no doubtingly not ever work. Life is too short to mess around with people you dont care about. Just look after your responsibilities and do whatever makes you happy. You dont want to be stuck in this relationship and go out of your mind and finally get the courage to break it off. You will be wasting life!You have already wasted enough time, now go ahead and do it!!Normally I would have been upset that a man wants to leave the mother of their child, but you wanted to break it off before the baby. Your only mistake was to continue sleeping with her, but I dont see how you should marry her and pay for it all your life!As long as you will give a fulfilling and healthy life to the child,that's all that matters. Good luck!
2006-12-07 02:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by Jade22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Damn.....
Tell her. Now. Eventually you'll either tell her, she'll figure out you still love your wife, or she'll be tortured wondering why the man she loves doesn't treat her as well as he used to and she might think it's something she's doing wrong. Why put her through that? And to add insult to injury, you're still in love with your ex-wife?
Two huge mistakes here - 1: You used her and cheated her out of what she deserved and thought she was getting when you knew full well you couldn't commit fully to a relationship cause you were still hung up on your ex-wife. 2: You continued to be with her long after you figured out you shouldn't be with her anymore. Now she's pregnant. What's the problem? You can't be alone? You couldn't tell her tell her the truth from the very beginning? Because now a whole other life, one who deserves at the very least a decent beginning, is already difficult.
If she decides to keep this baby (and it is her choice), she needs to know that you're not going to be there with her as her boyfriend anymore, let alone the husband she's fantasizing you're going to be. Tell her the truth first thing in the morning. Tell her that you wanted to break up and that you're still in love with your ex-wife. And promise yourself and tell her that you will be there 100% for the baby and for whatever her needs are during and after the pregnancy. And if she decides to get an abortion, be there for her through that too. She deserves that conversation. This is your chance to actually do the right thing and do right by her.
I don't see how the two of you can make it work and how you can do the relationship any justice if you don't love her and you're in love with someone else. You can't force yourself to love her. Eventually you'll resent being with her and she'll resent you for not loving her and your kid, who deserves to grow up in a healthy environment, will be unhappy. All three of you deserve better than that.
Of course, if there's any way you can miraculously get over your ex-wife and make it work with your girlfriend, lovingly, then for the sake of this child, make every effort humanly possible to do so. But if you don't love her, you can't help feeling that way, so I don't see how that can be done. You deserve to be happy too.
2006-12-07 02:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by Purple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to hear that because now a innocent child future is compromise by two immature adults. How a woman wants to have a baby in a very childish relationship? You said that you don't love her but were very eager and active in having sex and you didn't complaint. If you knew you feelings why to stay in a relationship that didn't work? If you don't want to marry her, that it is your decision and the only wise one, BUT you have to be responsible for the child support until adulthood and to be in your child life. You will need to get involved in his or her life. What worries me is that the baby will have a very sorry parents, a mother that doesn't seems intelligent and a father that sounds like an adolescent and is very scared to be for the first time a real man.
2006-12-07 03:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by MayanPrincess@sbcgglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being with this pregnant girl is going to make everyone miserable. Think of the child, would you rather see your dad every weekend and love spending time with him or see him everyday being grumpy in a loveless relationship? Talk to her before the ideas run away with her! It will hurt her, but it might be better in the long run. Just let her know that you will be there for her and the baby no matter what. And if you still love yoru ex wife why did you split?
2006-12-07 02:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by jacks my boy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not need to be with her if you dont love her. Your relationship will be horrible, and your child will grow up without knowing how a man and a woman are supposed to act together as a couple that is in love (because you wont be such a couple). You will end up splitting up eventually, you know you will, and it will be a terrible thing for all of you to go through. Being with the mother of your child is not whats best for your child, if you arent going to be able to show the child what a relationship is supposed to be like. They will grow up and get into dysfunctional relationships of his/her own, because thats what the child will learn from you.
Be there for the child, and have a good relationship with it, but you dont need to be with the mom if you dont love her.
2006-12-07 02:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by EllisFan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. What you did was dumb...love is not suppose to be sexual. If you didn't love her, you should have break up with her tham wasting her time. You have to take your responsability. You can't run away from your mistakes. Don't even talk about dumping her. Just tell her the truth. If you don't like her, why would you want to still live like that? Just end it there. You feel that you guys are not made for each other but that you will share the responsability or the child. Ask her for what she suggests.sorry you are really something...wants to dump your current wife, and still want to love your wife. decide what you want. You just destroyed her life. bravo big boy
2006-12-07 02:27:48 · answer #7 · answered by LadyXSakura 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if you dont love her then do what needs to be done.end it with her which means quit sleepin with her its already gotten you in too deep now and theres no way back.if she decides to keep the baby ( its her decision)then you have to stand up and be a father to that child because its a part of you and it will love you no matter what the situation with the mother.as for lovin your ex-wife,when there is a love like the one you shared with her it will always be in you,but remember there is a reason she is your EX-WIFE. just get on and find your own happiness with a woman.in the future remember one important thing most of all....WEAR A CONDOM EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX NO MATTER WHAT EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO RUN TO THE STORE TO GET SOME BE RESPONSIBLE
2006-12-07 02:31:39 · answer #8 · answered by davewho82861 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did we learn our lesson? Good. Don't marry her. You'll F*ck up the poor kid until he thinks all marriages suck and parents are supposed to treat each other like ****. Decide if you want to be a part of this child's life. (Get a paternity test) You WILL be responsible financially if not physically. Two loving parents living separately are far superior to parents who live together for 'the sake of the children' and hate each other. Part of a parent's job is to teach by example how a loving relationship is supposed to work.
2006-12-07 11:17:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this isn't the 1950's anymore. You do not have to get married the moment she announces she is pregnant.
Help support her through the pregnancy, and with the medical bills.
Once the baby comes, pay the support and be a part of that child's life. If during this time you decide you want to marry her, go for it. But take this all one day at a time.
Just please, please do not make the baby feel left out nor ever make the baby just a financial obligation.
2006-12-07 02:25:42 · answer #10 · answered by maamu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋