I believe my 5 month old is spoiled. Is this possible?

Question

I have read several books that say no, but I'm beginning to doubt them. My five month old won't sleep alone. For naps I end up holding her and bedtime she falls asleep in my bed & then I transfer her to the crib. She is constantly crying (fussing) to be held. The only time she'll sit alone is if someone is in front of her talking to her.
IF SHE'S NOT SPOILED THEN WHAT IS IT?

Answer 1

No way! This is a FUN baby age...but such hard work...
There may be several issues...
FOR YOURSELF, I am really concerend that you have decided at such an early point that your baby is spoiled...please don't be afraid to look into the possibility that you may have post-partum depression...it could really be making everything seem completely overwhelmng (I had it BOTH times with my babies, but didn't realize it until the 3 or 4 month mark...)
Here are some other possibilities I though of when I read your note!
*Very intelligent baby- she just wants to see and do everything you're doing
*Hurting baby- there is something medically not right, and she needs comfort
*Difficult Temperament- she might need a more structured/predictable day, and less stress

BE SURE to go talk with your pediatrician...schedule an appointment that allows for plenty of TALKING and try to bring a list if possibilities

Wearing my babies in a sling REALLY helped a lot...both of mine were like what you described- high strung, fussy...nosy, curious, excitable...never slept well...always had to be held...girlfriend, isn't it exhausting?

SPIN it, in a positive way...instead of a "spoiled, fussy" baby, try looking at it differently---intense, intelligent, strongly attached, highly social baby!

Some books that helped me...Baby Whisperer (great insight into different baby personalities), Your Fussy Baby and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Weissbluth), and if you are nursing (which also helps a lot!) the Nursing Mother's Companion.

AND, like me, just chant endlessly, "this too shall pass"...
I tell you what, I didn't really start having fun as a mom until my daughter was about 13 months old...having a baby is just hard work, and it gets old...take care of yourself, and find a way to get a break EVERY day from the baby...even for a few minutes...
Hugs, hang in there, Carrie

Answer 2

One of my 5 children was a very fussy baby. He had to sleep in his swing, even at night, and constantly needed to be held or jostled. The only time he was somewhat content was when he was watching his older sister.

At 13 months of age, I found an Osteopath that specialized in CranioSacral therapy in infants. We took our child for a treatment, which was very gentle - I couldn't even tell she was doing anything for my baby...until my baby totally relaxed and nearly fell asleep. After the 2nd treatment, my baby was a totally different child. He was relaxed and happy.

What we learned was that our son had a slight head-ache from the time he was born. The rocking in the swing and constant movement made the head-ache tolerable. When he watched his sister, he was distracted enough not to notice it. Once the pressure in his head was relieved, the head-ache was gone, and he became a happy baby.

All this to say that I have not allowed any of our babies to cry, because crying is usually a sign that they need something. I use front packs and back packs and slings and nurse my babies to sleep - especially at 5 months of age.

Our pediatrician did not believe that anything was physically wrong with our son. I knew that something wasn't right, and searched until I found an answer. I have since learned of a lactation consultant that knows CranioSacral therapy, and has worked with fussy babies to relieve them. This is the place I would start - searching for someone that knows CranioSacral therapy - our entire family of 7 has benefited from CranioSacral therapy. (Our Osteopath told us that CranioSacral therapy is as prevalent in the United Kingdom as Chiropractors are in the United States.)

Our last child seemed to be fussier than the others, and the Osteopath helped some, but what I realized was that there was a lot of tension in our household during the first few months after she was born, and once the tension resolved, I was able to relax, and my baby relaxed too. Amazing. I'm a fairly relaxed person, and I notice that all of my children tense up when Mama is stressed...and then they all relax when Mama's relaxed. So I try to do all I can to make sure I'm relaxed. I'm not over committing during the holiday season, and am purposing to have a quieter December this year (as compared to years past).

Answer 3

Can't say enough for developing good sleeping habits. We made the same mistake with our first and 4 yrs later still pay the price almost nightly with my daughter crawling into bed with us. My ten month old, we just plunk him in his crib when it's nap or bed time and he falls asleep on his own. Actually it's the olny way he will fall asleep, if we are in the room he won't sleep. Try a gradual removal from the room. Put her in the crib with you still in the room, close by, but do not go to her. She will at least be comforted by your presence even if there is no contact. Over the course of a few days, gradually get farther away until you are seated in the doorway. They next step is out of the room. Of course beprepared for lots of crying, but you will thank yourself for it later. You have to break this habit now or else go throuh what we do with our 4 yr old nightly.

Answer 4

Definitely not spoiled. I don't believe it is possible for a baby to be spoiled. At this age though it might be teething. If so you are in for more of this treat for a while. Remember too that crying is the only way they have to communicate with you. I have 3 little ones and a fourth on the way. I enjoy talking back to my 10 month old when she is fussy. As for nap times. I put her in her crib, if she fusses I let her fuss for 5 minutes. Then go in and comfort her with out picking her up then I wait 10 minutes. Then go in and comfort her without picking her up and so on. But I max out at 10 minutes and keep waiting 10 minutes between comforts until she falls asleep. DON'T pick them up out of the crib. They will quickly learn that it will get them out of nap time. After a while she got used to it and it is not much of a problem any more but it took a long time to get to that point. One more thing even though at this age you really can't spoil them they do get used to things. I say you break the baby of the habit of sleeping with you now or you will have them in you bed for years to come.

Answer 5

She's not spoiled she is just a baby! She is still adjusting to the world around her, she got really comfy in your womb being held, fed, and always with mommy 24/7 for 9 months! I wouldn't even worry about spoiled behavior until she is 12 months then you can start to regulate and put your foot down, let her fuss...it'll be a headache but she'll learn at that age.

Answer 6

She is not spoiled, but I would try to break the habit of letting her sleep with you. My first used to sleep with us from time to time but never had trouble going back to her own bed. Because she was such an easy going baby we made the mistake of doing the same thing with our second. He did not stop sleeping in our bed until well past his third birthday! Lesson learned!
To get her into her own bed start putting her in there for all naps and bedtimes while she is still awake because she needs to learn to put herself to sleep. Let her cry for a couple of minutes, go back in and soothe her without picking her up. As soon as the crying has calmed leave the room again. This time if she cries wait 4 or 5 mins before going back. Keep repeating the process extending the time you leave her each time. It is hard to do, but you will get there eventually. I would concentrate on this first because it might just solve the other problems too. She will learn to put herself to sleep and to be by herself for short periods. Good luck, for more advice try looking for the books by Doctor Christopher Green., or research him on the net. His books are funny and lighthearted and deal with all kinds of issues like the one you have. Best of all though he is realistic and his advice and tips can be applied by anyone.

Answer 7

A baby that young can not be spoiled. And think about it she just spent nine months inside of you it is comforting for her to be held. Try tricking her into thinking she is being held, I still have to do that with my two year old. You could also try one of those bears that sound like you are in the womb. They make CD's like that too. But if you ask me hold on to them for as long as you can. Because no matter how much you hold them once they can walk they never want to be held. Hope that helps in some way.

Answer 8

Shes not spoiled shes COMMUNICATING! She is letting you know what she needs, in the only way she knows how!

if she is crying to be held she NEEDS to be held. You should try a sling, Ergo or MeiTai carrier. They are lifesavers.

Sleeping with you is a biological adaptation for human infants. it helps regulate their breathing and allows for constant access to nourishment, comfort and protection. You daughter is hard-wired for her behavior.

I think we moms are sometime the spoiled ones wanting our bodies and beds for our own purposes when our babies are young and need our constant contact.

I carried each of my children as often as was feasible, including on my back while i cooked or vacuumed. My 22 month old isn't so into being carried anymore and my daughter is a secure, independent 10 year-old.

My Dd also slept in my bed for 2+ years, then in a toddler bed in my room for a few months, then in her own room with NO CRYING or suffering on anyone's part.

Read "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears or "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"

Answer 9

I had the same problem with my daughter when she was about that age. I was told to take the shirt off that I had been wearing all day and lay it flat under her sheet so that she couldn't get tangled in it. She was not only used to being with me, but also my scent. I did this one night out of desperation and it worked! She slept in her crib with my shirt under her sheet for the next few days, and she has gone straight to bed by herself since (she's now six).

Answer 10

As a parent educator I can tell you that it is psychologically IMPOSSIBLE for your baby to be "spoiled". Infants (ages birth to one year) do not know the meaning of "manipulation". The reason that she is fussy and needs to be held is because this attention makes her feel safe, loved and valued. She needs you! A baby's mother is her life. She'll grow out of being so "clingy" eventually and although it may seem frustrating now, when it ends you'll miss it.