You guys were great in aswering the first question.
My wife came home after being at her moms for 3 days this last weekend. We had to go to the bankrupcy court on Monday and the kids had to get to school. We drove together and I tried to talk what I thought was sensible conversation. The talk turned into memory lane where we both cried about our childrens stories. I told here that after 16 years of marriage there must be something that she could find in her heart to stay for. I have never touched her in anger and I have always been faithful. I know that the Bankrupcy thing is hard to deal with but she still does not want to talk. She gets online every night and chats with her "friends" I usually don't see her untill bedtime. If she hates me so bad then why is she still here? I have 3 possible ideas on the matter. 1.Christmas is around the corner and she does not want to spoil it for the kids.2 She is punishing me for all of the problems of the past then she will go.3. There's a chan
2006-12-06 15:55:04 · 8 answers · asked by mixedupmike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Man
2006-12-06 15:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? She may be really conflicted. Perhaps she really does love you (wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility since the two of you have been together 16 years and have kids). However, she may just feel that both of you have just grown so much apart that there really is no way to get back to where you originally were. She may also be codependent or scared about going out there and living life on her own, since she has known nothing else but you and the kids for 16 years. So here's what you do...
Tell her that the two of you need to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart. PREPARE what you are going to say first. As a woman, I really appreciate when a man has a meaningful, insightful conversation with me. Review with her where the two of you currently are, then reiterate where the two of you have been - staying away from "Memory Lane" and simply acknowledging the tough patches that you've made it through in the past together. Then explain to her what it is that YOU want from the relationship. Finally, ask her what it is exactly that SHE wants. She may be quite frank about it & say that she wants a seperation or divorce or "time off" or whatever after the holidays (which means she is obviously staying for the kids sake). Or she may honestly not know what she wants & tell you that, too. Ultimately, the thing that is going to help the two of you is time together - ALONE WITHOUT THE KIDS - so that the two of you can try to reconnect (my parents use to do this occasionally & would have my grandparents or whoever watch us as they went out to dinner, a movie, and then got a nice hotel room for the evening). If she is cold, distant, or just not connecting, then you two definitely need to try counseling. If she is unwilling to participate in that, then it may be time to "hang it up" as you would have done everything in your power to make the relationship work. Lastly, keep on eye on this internet thing where she chats with "friends" until it's time for bed. The internet has been the undoing of many marriages, and I know a man who lost his wife to another because she became involved with some "Casanova" in cyberspace. Of course, it usually turns out for the worst in the end - the internet relationship ending after a brief fling, and damaging the marriage to the point of no return.
Also, you may want to consider printing out the normal responses you get to your question for future reference AND to show her that you have seriously been racking your brain over this. She may not know how you truly feel and perhaps it will help convince her that you are being sincere.
2006-12-06 16:13:13 · answer #2 · answered by fragglerockqueen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U sound like a good man.. from what u r saying, i dont think she hates you, im sure she is confused and angry. first of all i dont think she is staying because is the holidays because im sure very sure she would have told u something like listen after the holidays im leaving u lets just put on a happy face untill all this celebration is over. i belive u have a chance a very good chance 16 years of marriage is a long time and women dont just thrw it away just like that. try talking to her, try romancing her all over again, i belive she loves u but she just needs time to sort out the problems ya having. im sure the holidays will bring u two closer again. at nights pray to god for guidance and talk to her, forget the past try talking about future things u want to try out with her. Good Luck
2006-12-06 16:02:16 · answer #3 · answered by gonzalezleon3022 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be she is staying for the kids at Christmas or it could be that she is confused to and she may not want to leave just try working on your marriage together.
Good Luck!!
2006-12-06 16:01:17 · answer #4 · answered by daydreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, grow some nuts and let her go, better yet, get rid of her, if she's not going to talk or do anything about it, then how will anything get better? At some point people have to either get over the problem and do something about it OR get out of the situation. That goes for you and for her.
2006-12-06 15:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by Say it like it is 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe there is a chance to work things out but give her space and time to deal with her feelings the fact that she came back home and didn't put you out sounds promising.
2006-12-06 16:02:27 · answer #6 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her some time to think about it. Money is often the root of many failed marriages, but it doesn't have to be. Give her space, don't accuse, and always think before you speak. AND PRAY.
2006-12-06 15:59:18 · answer #7 · answered by dizzyduckie1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
chrismas is comming and family belong together in my opion ?
2006-12-06 16:00:23 · answer #8 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋