I have pieced together a few VERY SUBTLE clues that my husband of 4 years, (we've been together almost 7), may be bi or a closet homosexual, or have some same sex fantasies. The thing is, I truly don't believe he is cheating on me, and there is no way I could confront him about my suspicions because he would FREAK OUT. If he does have same sex attractions he is VERY closed about it, and may even be in denial himself. I am looking for any advice, and/or an online forum or support group of women in similar situations. My husband does not display any signs of being effeminate...in fact he is the complete opposite. What are signs that a man may be gay when he would be a very "non-traditional" gay? What are subtle, less obvious clues that I should pay attention to? He seems sexually pleased with me so I'm very confused...
2006-12-06 15:20:48 · 13 answers · asked by RC1977 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
trust your heart
2006-12-06 15:24:23 · answer #1 · answered by Gironimo Sefani 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite difficult to pinpoint someone is gay by just the way he acts, look or do things. Hiring an investigator or prying in his person stuff might do more harm than good. You only do this as a last resort if you really believe he lied to you. The most appropriate thing to do is really ask him about it. If you are uncomfortable asking him directly, do it in another way. As someone pointed out here, drop hints like you read in a magazine that straight men usually had an experience with another guy in their teens and tell him you are curious if he did it? Or you watched Brokeback Mountain and could not believe the wife was clueless about his husband and then ask him if he had some experiences with another guy. You can also bring home a Playgirl magazine and see if he reacts to it or not. Leave it in the bedroom for him to see or whatever and then ask him those questions I have told you.
Ask him in an amusing way, smile at him like you want to know the answer and whatever is the answer its alright with you. You should also know when to back off. Do not force the issue on him. After asking the question, tell him how much you love him and you just want to get to know him more. Assure him that everything is alright, how much you care for him and then have hot s e x with him.
2006-12-06 17:35:57 · answer #2 · answered by PAXson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
South Carolina is correct. We've seen absolutely no evidence that your husband could be gay or bi or is cheating on you.
Second, if he is somehow attracted to men, that is his business. He is not acting on that urge so leave it at that. Don't stick your nose where it does not belong -- you may end up in divorce court.
Are you jealous of the close friendships he may have with his male buddies? Do you think he should be with you instead of having fun golfing, watching sports, hunting, etc. with his male friends? If so, he does not have the problem -- you do. You could be co-dependent on him.
Now, to the signs (just to be fair here to you): male pornography; staring at men; overly homophobic or a near absence of homophobia; sort of clandestine, shadowy friendships with men you've never met; unexplained times where he doesn't say where he is; you've seen his car by an adult bookstore (these are places where closeted gay and bi men go for sex). If he is bisexual, it will be virtually impossible for you to find out, by the way, as bi guys fit into society and pass as straights -- and quite frankly, just for your edification, virtually all men, at some level, are bisexual by nature.
Be careful dear. If you have a good marriage and your husband is not cheating on you, don't delve into his sexual orientation. Men do not like that. Our sexual orientation is a very private matter.
2006-12-06 18:17:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not so important if your husband is bi or gay but how is your relationship? Are you both happy? Is your sex life good? Whatever the answer to the bi question, do you see he and you staying together.
It sounds like there are some problems. I highly suggest that you and he gets some marriage counseling. Besides clarifying the sexual orientation thing, it will help you both have a better life.
2006-12-06 18:24:49 · answer #4 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds normal to me. It you who has the problems to much time on your hands doing nothing thinking this and that. You haven't any evidence of him been a closet homosexual have you? he not reading gay mags or looking at gay websites etc. If you he normal man.
2006-12-06 15:28:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an absolute nightmare!! If you can't confront him because he will "freak out" that is already a problem. Especially if he is what you suspect. Not all men that are bi/gay are effeminate so you can't judge by that. Chances are you may be right in your suspicions. Personally, I would hire a private investigator and/or hack the computer to know what sites he is going to. Until I knew for sure, I would not let him touch me at all.
2006-12-06 15:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by candace b 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must have some clues..If he is one of the type that I can't stand, he would be one that hangs out at park bathrooms and the such. If he is doing that, you should hope that the two of you are no longer sex because he's gonna bring something to you that won't like. Most guys that are married fall into this type I have found..They are usually the one's that do the nastiest things in the nastiest places...Ya'll really need to get this one figured out sister...Best Wishes..
2006-12-06 15:30:13 · answer #7 · answered by sckreet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Again and again, communication is the very key to a happy relationship. If he denies it, then let it rest. As long as he's staying faithful, there's no reason to get too worked up in your suspicions.
2006-12-06 16:36:40 · answer #8 · answered by AlexMarques 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Test his response. Mention to him that you read an article in, say, Cosmo that said that 70% of men polled have same-sex fantasies or would like to bring another man into the bedroom. Ask him what he thinks about it. Pure genius!
2006-12-06 15:29:17 · answer #9 · answered by wendy_the_pyro 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes, the secret to happiness is to be just that, happy.
That is appreciate your lot in life. Whatever the answer, you seem to be happy. So quit complaining and surmising about what ifs.
2006-12-06 15:24:41 · answer #10 · answered by MrsOcultyThomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you "evidence" do you have? Check your computer history. (Click Start, search, then search for "cookies") Check and see if there is gay porn on there. He might be gay/bi. How often do yall get intimate? If it is a low amount, he might be gay/bi.
2006-12-06 15:23:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋