Should I be mad at my sister in law or my husband or both?

Question

I got married in June and my sister in law was my bridesmaid. We were supposed to have pictures taken before the wedding and she drove right by where we were waiting on her at telling us on our cell phone that she didn't want to be late (the bride and groom are still at the photographer after 3 1/2 hours with 4 kids waiting on her). We all ended up in a big fight but everyone went to the wedding. I feel like she ruined my wedding day. Am I out of line? I have not spoke to her since then. My husband (it is his sister) refuses to address the problem and only says he knows why I don't talk to her, but he wont talk to her to tell her how bad it still buggs me that she didn't explain/apologize. My daughter tells me I should get over it because we have known each other like 17 years. How do you get over what to me seems like someone purposely wrecking your wedding? We were an hour late and did not have time for a reception because of the time we spent arguing with her. Tell me your thoughts.

Answer 1

Sorry, but you sound like a spoiled teenager that didn't get her perfect day! It was one day in your life and so it didn't go perfect or as planned.

Your going to let this one day ruin your marriage by carrying the grudge to your grave. Your daughter is absoulutely right, and in this case more mature in the decision making process.

Answer 2

I would get over this b/c you gave her control over the situation and it was your wedding.

1. You could have proceeded with the pictures w/o her
2. Since you decided to wait, what was the point of the arguing, you should have took the pictures and determined inside yourself the the rest of the day would go better and enjoy yourself.
3. You could have approached your sister in law after the wedding or the honeymoon when you calmed down not in the heat of the moment or who knows maybe she would have approached you with an apology if you had handled things with less emotion.
But ultimately it was your wedding day and of course you don't want anyone to be left out but at the same time, if it happens it should be their loss not yours.

Answer 3

This puts your husband in a terrible position, and it's making your life miserable. Do not carry on about this any more. She was thoughtless and rude, no doubt, but you and your husband just got married, and you are looking forward to a long and happy life together. You are already letting some nonsense get in the way of that happiness. You need to look beyond that, consider who she is, and not let it interfere with your relationship with the person you love and married. Do not mention it to your husband again, he can't control his sister, you are all adults, some more mature than others, yes, but be one of the mature ones. Channel your energy towards constructing a loving, comfortable, happy , healthy future for you and your husband.That's what its all about. What your sister in law did or didn't do doesn't belong in your marriage, and if you let all these stupid things get to you and put a wedge between you and your husband, you can expect to be in divorce court before you get to celebrate your wedding anniversary.The only problem here is you won't let go of it. If you love your hubby, show it, let him know it.

Answer 4

Yes your sister in law was in the wrong. But you and your husband did get married. She missed out on things enjoy your life with your husband, Maybe you should call her up and talk to her about this tell her how you feel and how it really bothers you. Try to forgive her. Hey atleast your marriage went on. Let the bad memories go and hang on to the good ones.

Answer 5

Ask yourself this: what are YOU getting out of staying so angry with her? You're getting some benefit, or else you might have been able to let this go months ago.

The only person you're hurting holding this in is yourself. Truly.
You forgive other people ultimately to make yourself feel better.

You'll never change her. She may have had reasons for her behavior that had nothing to do with you. You'll never know. And that's ok.

You can keep blaming... or you can go on with your life.

I hope you choose the latter.

Good luck. And remember that this too shall pass.

Answer 6

I agree. There is a line you don't cross and this is it. It's an unwritten rule in life. Like you don't date your friend's ex hubby - or your daughter's ex, (if you are a middle aged divorcee and so on...) They are both quite inconsiderate. I wouldn't like it. Don't show that it bothers you though. As you pulled the plug on the marriage, your hubby is probably doing it to get at you. Hold your head high and ignore them. Not sure exactly how she is your sis in law, Is it your brother's wife, or your husband's brother's wife? Or ex-wife???

Answer 7

you have good grounds to feel the way that you do.
but your husband should not be placed in the middle between you and his sister, if you have a problem with her talk to her yourself without expecting your husband to. because if you cause a drift between him and her he may resent you later and you don't want that and not to mention the rest of the in-laws.
avoid talking to your husband about this and consult friends/family instead and talk to the person directly involved...her!
if things don't work and you don't get a sincere apology, then she needs to grow up and you can be glad that you did your bit.
just don't get her involved in major parts in the future, like don't go asking her to be godmother to your kids or something coz she might forget to turn up...hahaha.
all you can do sometimes is just pity these envious losers honey.
she sounds like a jealous cow to me.

Answer 8

I would be a little upset 2. but if i saw that she wasnt going to be on time i would have started without her. but now that the wedding is over just let it go and move on with your family. your husband shoulda spoken up or something seeing that it was his wedding to. but just let it go, its the season for forgivness. but you'll never forget. goodluck in whatever you do.

Answer 9

This is one you're never going to win. You are right... she's wrong, and your husband won't deal with it. You can waste energy stewing about it, or you can move on... your choice. You can't change the past, nor can you change the way your sister-in-law behaves. Move on with your life and choose to be happy. If you spend your time trying to wrestle an apology out of her, what good does it do you? Be the bigger person here, and go on. You'll be happy you did! Good luck!

Answer 10

I say let it be over also. I think that you should not bug your husband about telling her off. Obviously everyone but you is over it. If you keep bothering your husband and keep making a big deal about it to him you may be inviting her to your divorce party.