How do you handle the death of an infant around christmas?

Question

My great granddaughter died this morning at 2 months old.... Her mother will turn 20 on the 20th of this month, plus christmas is coming soon. How do people handle birthdays and holidays when a baby has just died... I had a baby die years ago but it wasn't during the holidays... I am 3 credits short of a bachelors degree in counseling but dont really know the answer to this... Should you still give a present for the infant... If anyone knows the protocol for something like this, I would appreciate some feedback. Thank you and happy holidays....

I want to clarify what I meant as a gift.... For example... after i lost my baby, I bought an ornament that looked like a cradle and i had my babys' name and birthdate engraved on it as a memorial... That's the kind of gift I was thinking of.... Sorry for not making that clearer...

Answer 1

This is a hard question, and one I would say that would depend alot on the parents of the child. They will be in deep mourning and may not feel like celebrating anything at all, neither a birthday or Christmas. I would not give a present for the infant unless it was something like, perhaps, a tree planted in their honor or a star named for the child...
Be kind, be supportive of any decision they might make. Do not force them to celebrate any holiday or occassion if they don't want to, but also do not let them fall into depression. Certainly observe your daughter's birthday, and give gifts to the parents for Christmas. A nice remembrance gift in honor the baby would probably be fine.

Answer 2

Your question is multi-layered. There is really no "handling" of a situation like that . . . the best that can be hoped is to muddle through this holiday. I would say that you if had already purchased a gift for your great-granddaughter, and it was something by which her mother, your granddaughter, would derive comfort, then by all means, give the gift as a "remembrance." If it was more in the nature of a "toy" the giving of which would only cause more pain, donate that item to charity, and give your granddaughter a card saying that your great-granddaughter's gift has been given to light the Christmas of a poor child, and that you thought this the best way to honor your great-granddaughter's memory. You are the one who best knows what your granddaughter can handle, emotionally speaking. I would not ignore your granddaughter's birthday on the 20th, either . . . but would keep it low-key . . . a gift, many hugs, kisses, and tell her you love her, glad she's your granddaughter, and that you are "here" to help her in any way she wishes, and just try to offer comfort. You will just have to feel your way through this thing, but I can tell you from experience, when a family member dies through the holidays, it really puts the lights out for the season. Take care.

Answer 3

I am so sorry. That's not easy at any time of year, but holidays do make it all the harder. If you already had presents purchased for the baby, local women's shelters and hospitals would likely appreciate them very much. They always have people in need. Donate them in the baby's name.

I'd think the best 'protocol' for this type of situation is to let the one who has just lost the baby decide what she feels like. After a few days, ask your granddaughter what she wants to do. She may or may not want to celebrate her own birthday or Christmas much this year. She may want to celebrate to take her mind off her own pain. If so, great! Help her have fun. If not, please be a wonderfully understanding source of support. You can always give her her presents next March or April, after she's had time to let her heart heal somewhat. If you had a picture of the baby, that might be a nice present for now. If you're Christian -- and your granddaughter is, too -- remind her that her baby is with Jesus for His birthday. On Christmas morning, light a candle to remind you of your great granddaughter so her memory is with all of you as you're with one another.

If you want, email me (by clicking on the name under my picture over there) and I'll be glad to pray for you and your granddaughter. I can share that request with others who'll pray, too, if you like. Let me know.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for you, your granddaughter and the rest of your family. I have seen alot of death (I'm a paramedic) but thankfully, have not had to experience the death of an infant close to me. Just make yourself available to your granddaughter as much as possible. She is going to need lots of support in the weeks and months to come. Talk about her daughter with her. One of the hardest things for people who have suffered a loss is that sometimes friends/family don't want to bring up the name of/talk about the one who died for fear of upsetting someone. What's often more upsetting for someone who is grieving is having others not mention it at all. Share memories of your great granddaughter and give her mother the opportunity to cry, smile and remember. As for Christmas, I would not give a gift for the baby, but what about perhaps planting a tree or bush in her honor? That would be something that could even become a Christmas tradition that the family could do in her name each year...........Good luck to all of you. I hope this helped.

Answer 5

Oh my goodness, I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss... Hugs to you and your family...

As far as the question.. I'm not really sure, but I don't think giving a gift for the infant would be a good idea, because it might just bring up more hurt to the child's mother who would have to deal with the gift (the opening and finding what to do with it, etc.). However, that's just my opinion..I hope maybe someone else will have a better answer... Sorry.

I hope you have a good holiday (the best you can anyway), and keep strong. :)

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your great grandchild's passing. Well, for starters, if you're religious, pray or turn to guidance in your religion. I would just do the same as I would if any other family member died around this time. My grandmother was buried 3 days before Christmas, and it was hard, but prayer got us through. Yes, a gift to the parents would be appropriate, but a small one. You dont want to add to the grief. Just pray, and that will make things better. We arent given more than we can bear, and with prayer, we have no need to worry.

Answer 7

This is a tough one, but we also lost a baby in our family, my neice, soon after she was born. It was horrible and sad. The best for you all to go through this, is to feel what comes, and be sad about it. You have to go through it, no matter how hard. This is the healthiest way to go through it, and it will get easier. It is very sad, and I am so so sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. You let the family know you are there for them, and ask what you can do. Don't offer a lot of advice, but do send cards, and your love. Let your grandaughter and her family, do whatever they want, however they want. They are grieving the hardest, and going through the severest pain. Let them know they are in your thoughts and prayers, and that you are sorry for their loss. I would hold back on gifts for a dead baby, unless the grandaughter, the mother, asks for them for some reason. I know when our baby died, they wanted to bury the baby with a sweet blanket, and teddy bear, and things like that. Gifts may be usefull in that case. Pray pray pray, and I promise you, I will pray for this family. My heart and love and prayers go out to you all.

One more thing, sometimes, the family needs money to help with the funeral costs, burial site, etc. That may help take off some stress if people could help in that way.

Answer 8

I am so sorry to hear that, I can't imagine what u are going threw.My boyfriend was murdered September 2005, and I can't imagine facing another Christmas without him. I still dread holidays. So I just can't imagine how empty u and your family must feel. Please celebrate the infants short life on earth by lighting a candle, or if u did get gifts for the baby donate them to a charity in his or her name.I took a small moment of silence for the infant and a made a special prayer request for u and your family. Please be strong....

Answer 9

first of all i want to say iam so sorry you lost your granddaughter my heart go out to you and your family.i lost my son Dec 24 and i was so sad i didn,t know how i was going to get through a time like this.my son was 18 months old.he have been gone many years now but doing this time of year my heart weights heavy i get through this time by beening with family and friends,try to keep busy and bring some joy to my love ones.at the same time i visit my son gravy in put flowers and take a moment to remember him.i hope you and your family find peace over the holidays my prays are with you, and family.

Answer 10

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my father 2 years ago but it still feels like it was yesterday. When you lose a loved one, it doesn't matter how old they are. It hurts. You just can cry. Think about them. Remember them. Celebrate their life no matter how short. Try to believe that they are in a better place.