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He's calling me everyday after we haven't spoke in years. He wants to be back in my life. He used to rape me, beat me, and make me do all kinds of things. Should I give him another chance or confront him about everything? Should I just tell him that I want him out of my life for good? I really need help with this, so please, no rude answers.

2006-12-06 13:49:15 · 19 answers · asked by Perfectly Insane 5 in Entertainment & Music Polls & Surveys

19 answers

are those your "trust" issues you told me about??

2006-12-06 13:52:03 · answer #1 · answered by Gummi Bear Devourer II 5 · 1 0

I know you want to make the right decision honey after all the outcome here could be permanent. My first concern here for you is why after all these years? Most often people have a reason behind their actions, so there should be a reason here. (see if there is an alternate reason why he could be calling).
I think you are trying very hard to do right by him also. So in your mind its like 'what if he wants to apologise and beg for forgiveness?'. I would expect nothing less considering what you have had to deal with. Most people in any sort of similar situation generally would seek the answer to the question 'why?'. I think that the answer to the first thought i mentioned lies within the 'why?'. You are craving an explanation for his actions, and being an adult he has to take responsibility for his actions and be able to explain them.
If he genuinely wants to be in your life girl then i believe you could confront him.
My question is 'what do you stand to lose?' you only have the potential to gain here... You either get the explanation you want and go from there or you dont and he will run from answering you leaving you in the same position you are now. If he does truly seek a relationship with you then he has to be willing to do so on your terms.
Let him determine through his actions what happens in your relationship. Force him to make the move. If he does, you will probably have a better insight as to his intentions.
Dont let this tear you up though girl because you have felt the pain long enough. I know how strong you can be. Remember this though, no matter the outcome here, it can only improve for you even in the worst case scenario. But also be prepared for the explanation to be a little rough and emotional, because his demons in the closet may be bigger than you think.
Whatever happens girl be courageous and make a stand. And when you feel its too much you can always grab my attention and i'll be there! Talk whenever you want! :)

2006-12-07 00:04:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

life is too short to hate some one. He did horrible things but if you have forgiven him... tell him soo and move on. Don't let him back in your life. Think long term that if you ever have kids what will he do to them. He's a sex offender and he'll have to live with that for the rest of his life. he's harassing you like this now because he feels guilty and wants forgiveness.

Forgiven is an easy word to say but there are many steps involved before one can act on it, but try for your sake..not his

2006-12-06 21:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by babig221982 3 · 0 0

I'm sorry - but if he was doing those kinds of things to you then you really do need to get a restraining order against him - people don't change unless they go through some real life altering situations.


People don't change as they get older - they just become more truly themselves....


Make sure you're protected - this time it might not stop where it did last time..

2006-12-06 21:55:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Wow!! That's a tuffy.......I think there are some questions you should ask him....
1) Why do you want back in my life?
2)Have you changed any? (Gotten counseling..did time...etc etc)


First thing should be to ensure your safety (If you meet in person,make it a public place and take somebody with you)

Next....Find out what his motivations are.....Does he want a proper daughter/father relationship? Is he just trying to ease his guilt??

You might want to check out the website below,also. They can probably help talk you thru some of the feelings you must be going thru now.......

I'll keep you in my prayers,hun!!

2006-12-06 22:01:58 · answer #5 · answered by Chief Paduke 5 · 0 0

Ryan, the answer lies within you. I can't, no one can... tell you what you really feel deep inside hun.

You are an amazing, caring person....and if you feel the need to let him back into your life for whatever reason, that is your choice.

I will say this.... I would not let anyone who has a history like that around my kids.... just a random thought.

< huggles ya >

2006-12-06 21:53:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Why on earth would you even consider taking someone back in your life who did those horrendous things to you.

Just think of what you would say if someone else asked you the above question.

Have you gotten therapy help with those issues? I hope you have. You deserve the closure and relief you would get.

Good luck.

2006-12-06 21:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by concernedjean 5 · 0 0

Tell me to get out of your life because if he did all that to you before. Chances are he will hurt you again. It may be the same ways or it may not be. It is like what they say about a cheater. If they will do it once, they will most likely do it again.

2006-12-06 21:51:35 · answer #8 · answered by Stormhaley of Steelers 4 · 0 0

No way, If he beat and raped you...no! Please don't let you kids see him either.

If he is taking meds. because he has a proublem before, but know it is under controll and if YOU want to see him them do so, but make sure that you are not alone and leave if you feel uncofterble. Even if this is the senerio I advise that you don't let kids be near him.

good luck!

2006-12-06 21:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by Evilbunnyfarts 2 · 0 0

it's ultimately your decision, but i wouldn't give him the time of day. the one person who you should have always been able to trust abused you in horrible ways. no one should ever go through what you have had to experience. maybe it would help you to find a good therapist and talk things over with him/her first. please don't try to deal with this on your own. it's a big deal and you absolutely don't deserve to be hurt again. you've done nothing wrong.

2006-12-06 22:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by Meg 7 · 0 0

pray to God to help you forgive him but the decision is ultimately Ur's on whether or not to let him back in ur life. if you feel you are ready to confront him and your past encounters with him then go for it. but my advice would be that you keep your distance and if u have kids, never leave ur kids with him and let him know what his limits are. if you are meeting him, go to a public place. never let him in your home.

may God give u courage =)

2006-12-06 21:54:37 · answer #11 · answered by tammy 3 · 0 0

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