My husband is constantly accusing me of cheating!!!!?

Question

i've been married for only a short amount of time and i am 4months pregnant, i'm currently stationed over seas and he is back in the states. ever since we've been away from eachother our arguments have gotten worse, him accusing me of cheating has gotten so much worse, and he keeps saying that he knows that i am cheating on him and that he has proof and i dont know what else. fact of the matter is i have never cheated on him. i have made some mistakes in the past where i have lied to him but i' have been making sure to be honest with him at all times now but he doesnt seem to wanna trust me. yesterday he told me that he doesnt want to be with me anymore and that he's done. he kept telling me to confess . i am still confused because i have nothing to confess about. he again thinks i am cheating on him, i keep trying to make him understand that i would never do that to him but no matter what he doesnt believe me. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to lose him, i love him so much

before he left he was already accusing me cheating all the time, he would never tell me who told him or what it is that i was supposedly doing so and he's still doing the same thing.....

what makes it so much worse is that i am pregnant....and having sex with another man other then the father of my baby ....that is just nasty. regardless if i was pregnant or not i wouldnt do it but i cant believe he really thinks i am capable of something like that!

i've repeatedly asked him to tell me what it is that i have supposedly done and what proof it is that he supposedly has but he wont tell me. i dont get it....all he says is that he wants me to confess and he says that i know exactly what he's talking about....but i dont! i am clueless and heartbroken!!!

he also complains about this irritation he has on his penis and says thats how he knows that i've cheated on him...he says there is no way that if i've only been with him that he should have this" (its been going on for like 3 months) but the fact of the matter is i didnt bring a decease in the relationship and i havent cheated....on top of that we both got tested (at different times...id' say like a months apart) and we were both clean, but he says he doesnt remember me getting tested and doesnt believe that i went to go get tested, i told him also that i would go to get the results printed and sent to him but he doesnt wannna heart it. all he says is "u say one thing and do another" .....how does all this make sense???

Answer 1

well he might have reason...because of the past....get a marriage therapist when you come back

Answer 2

Sounds like right now he's just a little insecure, which is understandable since your so far away, men can be big babies =P. All you can really do is deflect his comments towards cheating with confessions of love and understanding. He obviously doesnt feel like he's getting enough attention from you. Go out of your way to make sure that he does get every bit of attention possible, and constantly reassure him that you love him and that you are there for him and him alone. Over time he will see that you are sincere. He's just having a hard time adjusting to you being gone, and the fact that your pregnant can only make it more difficult for him. He may feel that he his missing some serious bonding time with your unborn child, even if its only subconscieously (sp?). Thats the best advice I could give... Hope it helps hun. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I've graduated from a catholic university and took several theology courses where perhaps the most important point is: evil is not badness, it is a lack of goodness.
In that light, for example, suppose you show lack of sexual interest and start being more interested in other things (money and gifts for herself (even if these are with her own money not just his), spending time with people a lot more when it used to be mostly just him and you) at the same time. Put this together with the fact that you've lied and it seems easy to believe he'll believe this is your passive-aggressive way of telling him he's not good enough.

He will likely put these happenings together and say "she's doing this to make up for lack of interest in me...to excite her life when I can't".

So it's likely not what IS there (IE phone messages & weird numbers on the cell, you being late from work mysteriously...the kind of things that stereotypically signify cheating) that's bothering him but what isn't there and seems to be taken up by other things you haven't explained in your "new life".

So be careful to work on the "half-truths" as well as not lying...often half-truths are even worse than lies because they ask the person around them to admit to being dumb enough not to notice them (IE they insult social intelligence).

Good luck solving this...if your situation is anything like the above I've described I've honestly had similar issues with my own girlfriend in the past and it has gotten much better since I sat down and explained this to her. Again, best luck.

Answer 4

That is because he is insecure. If he cared more about himself he would not have to spend his time worrying about you. He probably has some real trust issues with women. I kinda went through this with my fiance. He was terrified i would cheat on him and leave him or that i would leave him. His being controlling, overprotective and accusing me almost drove me away. You have to talk about these things, preferably before you have kids. I am glad i talked to him about it before we actually get married because there are certain things i will not stand for. He made it clear to me that there are certain things he does not like me doing, and then i let him know that i have expectations and things i like as well, and it does go both ways. No double standards. But then i found out he had been used and cheated on by his ex girlfriends, and i understood a little better, but i told him i should not have to and will not pay for what they did. Either change or risk losing me. He was making me want to dump him, and getting dumped was his greatest fear. I mean i loved my fiance too, but at some point he just had to stop controlling me and accusing me of stuff he knew i would not do, he was just being paranoid. When he found out i was serious and i would leave if he did not stop, then he stopped real quick! Good luck girl! Keep us posted!

Answer 5

Extreme jealousy is often driven by a deep-seated insecurity - the constant fear of losing a partner. It can also be driven by someone having sexual desire for others, which they can't accept, so they project those unwanted feelings on to others - and then punish other people for having those feelings. Regardless of the reason for the extreme jealousy - it is very common and it can easily destroy a relationship. Here's an example which shows just how far jealous people can push things before a relationships breaks apart. There is also a lot of advice for dealing with such situations. Best of luck - http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/relationship_problems/boyfriend_jealous_crazy.html?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=feed

Answer 6

There comes a point in our lives when we have to realize our love alone isn't enough to sustain a relationship. If you haven't done anything then he has no "proof" of anyhting. If he wants to leave you being pregnant is not going to keep him. Maybe the unfortunate truth is that he's in love with someone else but doesn't want to take the blame for your broken relationship. Either way, you have a precious, innocent child inside of you. It is neither healthy for you or that child to be arguing w/ that man. Give him space and time and maybe he'll confess to you.

Answer 7

lack of honesty in the past has a big effect on trust issues now. your away from him and he is worried that you will cheat, its normal, it sucks but its normal. be HONEST with him about it. tell him you have never, and would never cheat on him. you love him, and you know in the past your honesty has been less than perfect, but you couldnt be any more honest with him about this. you care about him and just because you arent home doesnt mean you dont realize how important your marriage is.
in the end, though, he will only believe what he wants, unfortunately. his issues with trust might not have anything to do with you, could just be a lack of confidence on his part. be as open and honest as possible and hope for him to turn around. good luck

Answer 8

That is the first sign that he is cheating on you hon. He is accusing you of cheating (even if you've never done it) because he is doing it. He is saying that you are cheating so he can give himself permission to do it himself. He has no proof, espically if you are over seas. Stand up to him. Don't be apologetic. You are a strong woman...heck, you are overseas and pregnant. Tell him that if he keeps accusing you of cheating then you will be the first to go to the attorney to get the divorce papers drawn up. Don't stand for it because he is giving himself permission.

Believe me, I have been where you are. My husband accused me of cheating and said that he was going to get a paternity test as soon as the baby was born. I said, "Fine, but be prepared to sign the divorce papers because you know as much as I do that this is your child." I called his bluff. I never cheated on my husband, but I got video proof that he was cheating on me.

I wish you the best.

Answer 9

i think your husband is scared because of the past lies but he sounds alittle insecure and unsure of the marriage not to mention he is going to be a father soon i think you need to sit down with him and find out what you both want out of this but don't let him keep threatening you about leaving cuz all he is doing is crushing your feelings by saying mean and nasty things like that. remember your feelings are important and should be validated. good luck

Answer 10

your husband is accusing you of cheating,because he's probably cheating on you,anytime a man/woman starts accusing you of cheating,it usually means you're being cheated on,my ex-boyfriend accused me of that,I was with him 10 yrs and never cheated,but I found out he had another woman for about 10 mos
so I thru hid bald-headed *** out of my house, you said you lied to him a few times,I think he uses that for an excuse, If I were you I would do some more investigating
good luck

Answer 11

Well congrats on your pregnancy....now listen up my dear....them who yell the loudest are the ones guilty of what they are yelling about.....he is not doing you or your new baby a favor by causing you this undo stress...he is never going to let this go..he feels that this is his way out of this relationship/marriage and you confessing to something you did not do will give him the out he desperately needs...if you do tell him that you cheated well then what will he say about the baby??? THINK!!!!! do not do that under any circumstances..attain a lawyer...cut your losses and move on...he is not worth going through this let alone putting your soon to be born child through this abuse...yes this is abuse...it is verbal and mental abuse..put a stop to it now....for the sake of you and this child.....