why do people assume!?

Question

Because I am 21 and have 2 kids people assume I'm on benefits, that my kids don't have the same father, that I have no qualifications (when I have quite a few), that I don't own my own home, that I don't have a job, that I force my boyfriend to work loads of hours while I sit watching daytime tv then complain about not seeing him. I just asked a question and everybody assumes these things, grrr. I want to work full time and let him be a house husband because I have more qualifications than him. But he wants to work in a shitty job working shitty hours because he is too proud. I don't have a social life and when I do get to go out (once a year!!) he gets jealous! I have a crappy life because men are STUBBORN! why are you so stubborn! And no he's not cheating because he hasn't got the flaming energy!

people got me all riled up on here lmao!! Oh jees, nah it's not just on here it's in real life too. I'm having a bad day = )

haha, I am nice to him, read my other question, I started off nice!! He's a bugger though, his stubborness gets me down.

no no no!! lol, he hates his flippin job and I'm fed up of hearing him complain day in day out, notice I am saying this on the net whereas he says all this to me. Well turn it round this way, I worked a full time job then came home and complained endlessly to him, even though he was offering me a way out of it, and then slept most of the day, I don't think he'd be very happy with it.

I wouldn't want us to both work full time because the children would never see either of us, because I'm unhappy it doesn't mean I want them to be palmed off. If I worked we could take turns going out with friends. He would be a great house husband, he can cook, clean, he's great with children and I think he would be a happier and more relaxed person. I just don't know how to get him to be a househusband. I know he's absolutely miserable where he is, he's lost loads of weight and he looks exhausted, I don't complain to him all day because I hardly see him. I am just complaining to you guys!! lol sorry x

Answer 1

I know this can be a frustrating time, I have a child myself and it can be difficult for both adults. One feels they have to do all the work and the other feels cut off from the world but what I will say is that things won't stary like this forever. 4/5 years may seem like a long time but eventually your children will go to school and then you will be free to pursue a job and hopefully one where you can interact with the world with no concept of Ballamory

Answer 2

Take the bull by the horns. Put your CV out there, and get a job first. Then tell him you start your new job on .........., and that he must resign and stay home with the kids for awhile. He may even feel relieved that the decision is taken out of his hands! Tell him it is only a temporary thing, just to give him a break, and because you WANT to work for awhile. Once you have been doing this for a few months, your routine will kick in and he will realise he is enjoying himself, and stop moaning about you being the breadwinner. Try it! Oh and by the way, you could then spend more quality time TOGETHER and with your kids. (Never mind your friends!) Make an agreement that you will NOT work all hours and keep weekends for the family. Win Win!

Answer 3

They make their assumptions because then you'd fit into a neat stereotype. Stereotypes are actually a result of a very useful ability of our minds - we're able to organise and analyse data. Teenage mothers usually have fewer qualifications than middle-aged spinsters. Old people are usually weaker than young people. Just because there are exceptions doesn't mean we should disregard these trends.

Your husband doesn't sound like he'd be much good at being a househusband. Perhaps the answer is a full-time job for you, too, with daycare/babysitting filling the gap. Or a part-time job for you. People are stubborn because it's a pretty good way of getting what you want. Try and gradually work on him - you want to go out more often; you want a career; you want the moon :-D

Answer 4

I am in a position where my wife goes away to work, in other people houses, and returns home every other week.

She earns far more than I am able to or could, that is if anyone would employ me.

It used to be the other way around and she was deeply unhappy with the length of time I was away from home. But now the shoe is on the other foot.

She sometimes complains, but this situation is, in large part, how she created it ...and the architect is not always a happy one about it.

Sash.

Answer 5

first of all,calm down.then u can think straight n rational.i know being 21 yr old woman(married with children) is hard.no use in regretting now for marrying a man that is not up to your expectation,is it not?it's best if the two of u can sit down (after the kids are asleep) n have a serious talk.try to bring out the positive point of view if the two of u work or if u think u can make more money than him.do not condemn each other.tell him ur dreams if u have extra income,perhaps bigger house,better education,vacations,etc.I myself do not like to assume.so i'm not assuming that u hv financial issue,or communication issue.but i suggest the two of u find out the root to ur problems 1st,then try to solve them one at a time.respect him as a husband,your husban,.then u might just get what u want...:) these things need lots of time n patience.so hang in there,think about ur kids. all the best girl!

Answer 6

Well if you want to work, get a job and have the children cared for by a childminder. Is that not a possibility for you?? It sounds like you allow him to get away with his stubborness - I can't believe you are allowing a man to prevent you from doing what you want. If you want something bad enough you will do something about if! If you're not willing to do something about it then don't complain!

Answer 7

people make generalisations based on facts that don't exist, take no notice of what they say, only worry when you find yourself enjoying doing nothing at the present you are bringing up 2 kids is a bloody hard job and to do it on a shoestring is even harder ,all cudos to you and as they get older look for the job that you obviously strive for and go for it and I'm sure you will be a success

Answer 8

If you want to get a job, go ahead and do it. You can both work. You should be happy your husband is a hard worker. All you do is complain, when you should be thanking god that you have a man that goes to work everyday to support his family. And you put him down for that? Shame on you.

Answer 9

Your boyfriend probablies gets comments all the time about how he must live off his woman or at the other extreme how your using him for his money. I know it's unfair, but you guys need to support each other. you know what you are and what your not. Don't let others define who you are for yourselves or each other.

Good Luck!!

Answer 10

Well they make their minds up from what they see, hear, it may not always be right, or it maybe right. WE all do it. Good luck with the job thing. He might come around, oh and It might help if you are nicer to him.