IF YOUR GOING to judge don't answer!!!?

Question

Me and my fiancee of two years broke up a while back. The break up was hard on both of us but we felt we needed time to ourselves. He still comes over every day and we still have sex. I'm on the pill but I'm pretty sure I am pregnant, i missed a couple pills about a month ago. I've been pregnant by him twice before one I misscarried and the other I had an abortion. Please don't judge me on that, I have regreted the abortion every day of my life since. I'm only 21 and really don't want kids right now but I promised myself after the abortion I would never do that again! The abortion was my ex's idea and I'm afraid if I tell him I may be pregnant he may convince me to do it again he has that power over me. I don't know how to tell him. He is my best friend and I don't want him to be mad at my decision to keep it. I'm afraid he will give over rights and I don't want to raise a child without a father. How do I tell him I'm going to keep it and how do I deal with his reaction?

Answer 1

He's not your best friend if he doesn't respect you enough to listen to your wants and needs. If you want to keep the child, you should. He shouldn't "convince" you not to have it.

Whatever his reaction, know that whatever decision YOU make is the right one. It's your body. While you may not wish to raise a child without a father, as long as you love your child, that is good enough. Perhaps someone better will come along in time.

Answer 2

.Sorry seems to me like a last chance to get him back. How are you having gone what you've gone thru (an abortion) and not wanting children yet you knowingly missed several pills and had sex daily why didn't you use a condom? Im sorry but this sounds premeditated.

So expect him to be MAD expect him to suggest abortion. But know that if you decide to keep this child you might be in it by yourself. If you didn't want to raise a child without a father then why not use a Back up method? There is no right way to tell him just wait until you get a positive test and just tell him you are pregnant and you have decided to keep the child and he has the right to not sign the birth certificate and sign over rights and he will not have to have a physical relationship with the child nor an emotional and WILL NOT have to pay child support. Your 21 your pretty grown I think you can handle it. I was 16 with my 1st and 19 with my 2nd

Answer 3

This is what I would do.......
Try to explain how you have regreted the abortion and how its made you feel ever since.......(that baby is a part of you and him its not just a matter of getting over something especially for women) Or someting like that
I hope you understand what Im trin to say Im having the worst time trin to say what I want.



My fiance says he would do this.......
Regarless of anything you should stand up for what you believe in even if your the only one standing or if theyr are a hundred people backing you up. Any good man would still want you to have a child regarless because theyr are alternatives other than having an abortion
Example Adobtion
And him being from a best friends stand point should only give advice and not try to pruesude you one way or the other. Plus theyr are actually guys out there you dont mind being with someone who already has a kid.

Answer 4

First, you need to make sure you are REALLY pregnant (take home pregnancy test...or better yet...get a blood test at the docs office). No need to make drama if you arent really pregnant. Ya know? Secondly...if you are indeed pregnant, and YOU want to keep the baby...then do not let him 'have that power over you'. It is your body, and your baby (not only his baby)...so you have just as much of a say if not more, than he does in this situation. he, nor anyone, can MAKE you get another abortion. If you decide to keep the baby, and he wants to sign over all rights...then so be it...the child will be better off wihtout a father like that. Havign no fatjer figure is better than having a negative father figure. Make sense? If this guy is your best friend, then he shoudl not be treating you liek he is...dont get me wrong...I'm not judging you for your past...but seriously, a friend, let alone a BEST friend, doesnt treat you like an object and 'have a power' over you. It sounds to me like you need to get away from this guy, especially before you bring a innocent baby into the situation. If he wont step up and be the dad (whether he wants to or not), then he is not worth your time, and you are better off alone wiht the baby, without a man. Get child support from him and raise the baby on yor own...or consider adoption if you do not think you can handle beign a single parent (no offense meant...some people dont want to have an abortion, btu dont want to keep the baby either...so I am just mentioning the option to you). As far as tellign him...just tell him the truth flat out...if he is havign sex wiht oyu, then he shoud know the 'consequences' of his actions...no method of birth control is 100% effective besides NOT having sex to begin with!!!
Good luck with whatever your choice is. Hopefully this child wont live a horrible life because of the choices you have made.

Answer 5

I don't judge. I feel that if you want to keep the baby you need to look at all angles. If the father of the baby isn't ready and insists you getting an abortion then that tells you what kind of a man he is. Maybe in your eyes he is the man of your dreams but consider a man should always be there for you regardless of baby or not. You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him what you feel and what you would like. If he over reacts let him release he anger, I'm sure he doesn't mean anything out of it. Don't be afraid of raising a child alone. Man always threaten to give up their rights as father. But if you have been with him for 2 years I doubt he will leave. Don't be afraid to tell you know him the most. Good luck.

Answer 6

I really do empathize with what you're going through. Because I have been through getting pregnant, and the father trying to convince me to have an abortion. It was no picnic...but I chose to keep my child, because it was right for me...I am saved and don't believe in abortion...And he really did try to talk me into it...But I had to think about myself and how I would feel...It's not right of the man to be selfish and only think how they would feel One thing I can tell you for sure is that different people deal with situations differently.

You have to make the choice that is right for you...I know that it hurt you to have an abortion... If he really is your best friend sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him...tell him how you feel...how the abortion really hurt you...and also really listen to his feelings as well. At this point there is no turning back...and I really hope you will find strength within yourself to just tell your best friend that you're pregnant. Although I think your relaionship is far beyond just friends.

As for his reaction I can't tell you how he will respond. I know my child's father really couldn't accept that I was keeping our child. It did put a damper on our relationship...at first it really hurt me..now I have grown stronger and still have to be a mother to our child..But with each new day you will find more and more strength.

On the flip side...every man is different....Your significant other may give you a totally unexpected reaction. It may even make him totally analyze the relationship you two share...and realize it's more than friendship

But if he really loves you he should understand. And the fact that two of you created the child together means that he holds as much responsiblity...and really should understand....He knows about the birds and the bees...Be in courage...Your child is a gift from God above.

Answer 7

Okay sweetheart don't worry about people judging you because your doing a good job judging yourself. First thing to do is take a test and find out if you REALLY are then see a doctor. If your close with your parents tell them. Tell this guy that your pregnant (if you are) Then right after that tell him clearly that you are NOT having an abortion. Abortions are wrong and you sound like you learned that the hard way. This guy cant love you if hes putting you through all this but, this baby WILL love you because your going through all this you child will always love you and you will always love it. Its a ever lasting bond you two will have. You sound like a smart girl so be smart and do the right thing.

Answer 8

Eventually you will have to tell him! and well I say that you should stop being so negative you can raise the kid on you own, many women have done that. If you regret that last abortion then dont make that same mistake again... you say he has that kind of power over you....but what about your own idea? Do you even think for yourself? Im not trying to be mean but you make it sound like what he says goes and well in my opinion thats wrong but if you continue to listen to what he says and continue doing what he feels is best one day without thinking it he is going to get up and leave without caring if you are pregnant or not. I Think that you should stop worring about his reaction and his feeling and think for yourself atleast once....and also if there is a baby involved now you can always give it up for adoption if you are not ready and if you think that it needs to grow up with a father figure. What good does it do a child if it has a father figure but the mother is figure is like a robot just doing as the man pleases? Hope that makes sence you just make it sound like what he says goes...atleast thats how I took it!

Answer 9

I, too, had everyone talking me into an abortion.
I made the decision to keep the baby. I got rid of all
those people out of my life...including my female roommate who I had asked not to tell anyone I was pregnant and she told everyone!! Someone I had known briefly at the time, told me ....God don't give you nothing you can't handle! It was rough and luckily I had parents to help me out when I had to go back to work. The father disappeared after he found out I was pregnant. I thought he was my best friend. My daughter is now 21 years old and beautiful and intelligent. Actually, with the father being out of the picture, I was able to raise a perfect daughter. Make your own decision. Don't let him make the decision for YOUR life again. He's already made your life miserable by talking you into the abortion the first time, which you will regret the rest of your life. I don't think this guy is good for you. You just think he is because you have noone else in your life right now.
Good luck, Sweetie. Remember, when life knocks you to your knees....it's time to pray!!

Answer 10

You know you will not be the first single mother in the world. There are so many ways you can raise a child, plus there are various support groups for single mothers and there are institutions that can help you financially. If you really want this child then keep it, he is not the one who is going to be carrying the child for 9 months. Also explain how you really felt after you had that abortion because if you guys are best friends it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe through this you will find out if he truly loves you.