a lil bit lonely!?

Question

Recently my boyfriend started working nights and I hate it. He spends forever in bed and then he goes to work. The only thing we do is go food shopping. He's an idiot too because he works nearly 50 hours a week and only gets paid for 40, he may aswell be working a normal hour, the pay he gets is rubbish! I have 2 small children and he doesn't spend anytime with them except when I work part time in a shop, that's only 3 hours and their always asleep then. We don't have a day off together and I'm going a bit crazy. I can't go out with friends because he works nights and I haven't got a babysitter. Should I stop moaning and get on with it or tell him to get a different job?

The people who say I'm ungrateful, I'm not ungrateful, the last job he had paid the same, but it was at a better time and less hours. He's moody and miserable all the time. I don't see the point of being with someone like that. The thing is because he just wante dto change his job I had to rearrang all my hours at work, it's xmas time and they certainly didn't thank me for it as I work on a checkout. I even said that I would work full time because he is never happy no matter what he does. I have better qualifications but he's so stubborn he wants to be the provider.

Oh man this is getting me worked up now!! I have got 10 gcse's, I've got a diploma too, so there! lol = )

yeah they are his kids and he works in a factory, I said I would find a job, if he wants to do this instead of being a house husband let him carry on.

Answer 1

Hell yeah, you BOTH need a life, you work to live, not live to work!

Answer 2

You are not moaning. You are reacting like a mature adult. This life situation is not working for you, that's what you are saying, and I can see why. This is no way to live. It is only a way to exist. You need to sit down and think about your options. Think of ways that this could improve. Make a short list of these and discuss them with your partner. Make sure he understands that you want some changes made, but that you are also wanting to work this out together as a couple. If he resists this or will not cooperate, then you really do need to go to the next level of planning, but hopefully, he will meet you half way and work out a better plan. That could be a job change for both of you. Just use some common sense, but take charge of your life before it runs you into the ground.

Answer 3

My man used to work the third shift and i worked the first. We never seen eachother either except on the weekends, I hated it so much. But luckily he worked his way to second shift,,which makes things a little easier for us. I dont know what you can do about it especially if you have 2 small children. You might want to talk to him about it more and ask him to find another job or tell him to ask his job if there is another shift available and if not then he can be put on a list for the next in line. But it sounds like to me that he doenst want another job because hes getting paid for only 40 hours and hes working 50..that makes absolutley no sense at all on his part.

Answer 4

No man wants to come home to someone who is a complainer. Try to get as many things done in the day that you can so the two of you can be together.

You should turn things around if you can. Try to put it in perspective and realize that he is working for you and your children. See if whatever time you do have to gather you make count as a family. You can't make him get a different job. If you do hon and something goes wrong you will be the blame. Since you work outside of the home, cherish those 3 hours. Stay up until he comes home.I know it is damn hard. Invite your friends over to your house for tea and gossip...whatever. But I can tell you from experience if you aren't thankful with what ya have...there will be someone out there who will be.

Answer 5

let me get this straight you work a lousy 3 hrs per week and you call your husbands job rubbish??? and you are not pissed that he isnt with you your pissed that he isnt watching the kids so you can go out with your friends... grow up girl you have no idea what real life is about i have 2 kids and have worked a full time job since i was 16 yrs old i work 8-13 hrs a day my husband also works and guess what the pay is rubbish but we do it for our family.. my husband took a job last year to try to better our family he was out of state for 2 months straight but we did it because we needed to and i didnt complain about not going out with my friends....you are a wife and a mom and life is hard so get use to it and stop complaining...just read the part about not wanting to be with him well then leave him and you can get a real job working that 50 hrs a week and see how much you get to see your friends then i hope he reads what you wrot because he can do much better then what you are giving him

Answer 6

Explain to him how you feel. Don't demand him to get a different job 'cause he won't take that too well. Maybe suggest him a different job like "Honey, I've been thinking and I think you may need a new job such as (insert job title here) 'cause it's not helping us with the hours you spend all day and sleeping all day, with no time with our kids. It's essential that you spend time with us and make me feel needed every once in a while. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm only saying that 'cause I love you". Something along that line. :)

Answer 7

f this job he has is a career type starter job, let it go and know that he has to do this for the future. If you keep reminding him he makes rubbish for pay, you will surely lose him,
You imply that the kids are not his, if they are not, give him time to work things out with them. I think your too young to be in this position. Many women would be thankful for a guy who gets off his butt and goes to work.

Answer 8

It all depends on when he gets a new job will he get paid better and will he enjoy it as much.If he does yea he should definitely find a new job. He should watch the movie CLICK starring Adam Sandler and he will probably realize that he should put family in front of work anytime. FAMILY COMES FIRST

Answer 9

It's very difficult and I feel for you. However he sounds like the sort of bloke who is willing to work for his living. A rare thing sometimes. Why not talk to him and try to set aside one particular time to spend together then stick to it if that's possible. You might have had a bigger problem if he was a couch potato and refused to go to work. A compromise would maybe work for you.

Answer 10

I was in the same position as you, my husband worked shifts you know early, lates and nights, and I had two small children and no one to talk to except my husband, only he couldn't talk to me because he was to tired working shifts.the only thing I can say to you is you need to get a life outside I know you said you can't get a babysitter but try, you need to start socialising and when your husband sees you doing all these things, trust me he will change his job willingly.

Answer 11

This sounds complicated indeed. On one hand maybe your bf has goals that require overtime smoozing of the bosses. It is also difficult to adjust your internal sleep clock from nights to days for sleeping, so he'll be tired much of the time. On the other hand, quality of life is important too. Talk to him about your feelings (avoid name calling) and see if he is willing to compromise.
Best wishes.