How do I help my husband get over his holiday frustrations?

Question

My husband hates the holidays. He hates how people get rude and mean in parking lots, in the stores, hustling for more things, rushing to fork over more money. He has become the Grinch and it is destroying my love of the holidays. He is constantly cranky and angry as soon as Christmas decorations start filling store shelves and gracing people's homes. I'm so tired of fighting this. I now dread the holidays coming because of it. I've tried talking to him but he refuses to listen.

We have a wonderful marriage, so please no comments about divorce! This is just one thing that is becoming a problem that I'd like some help with. Thank you.

Answer 1

If he doesn't listen to you, make sure he listens with his eyes. Dress accordingly to holiday themes, cook something special for him only during holidays, and always smile (have a positive body language), more so during the holidays. Go somewhere together to make it memorable so that when next year comes, you'll both want to do it all over again (this time, he may be more willing). Avoid those things that make him (or both of you) angry. Have fun.

Answer 2

Well, one way to lighten the burden would be to avoid malls and crowded places altogether. Shop online, or hoard gifts throughout the year. Other than that, your husband really needs to grow up a bit; his dislike of the hustle and the bustle is understandable, but he has to learn to control his moods for the sake of people around him. Express to him gently that you would really like to enjoy the holidays, and if he can't "enjoy" them at least he could make a little bit of an effort to not prevent you from doing so. Also, don't let his "moods" get to you too much. Try to learn to ignore him; I'm sure he doesn't mean you harm, but everyone has their weaknesses. It's great that you have a good marriage; don't let this issue get in the way of it.

Answer 3

Well, my husband used to be the same way. He likes the simplicity of going to church, decorating a tree and having a nice dinner with the family. We no longer decorate our whole house and trees and shrubs. I put a wreath on the door with a spotlight on it, and I put up a manger scene on the lawn with a spot. I do the Christmas cards and TOGETHER we sit down and make a list for what gifts we will get. Then we order most of them off the computer together. We avoid the malls altogether. Men hate malls, anyway. I don't him to have to go there. We do the tree together as a family (we still go out to a farm and cut one down and ride the hay wagon). It's fun and he does enjoy that. Tork back your hurry, hurry, life at Christmas and your husband should do better.

Answer 4

Since he won't listen to you, as you had said in your question, maybe one of his family members, dad or mom could talk to him, and tell him he shouldn't feel the way he is, i mean i'm sure there's quite a few people out there who has the same issue as your husband, maybe a close friend could open his eyes to what he's been doing to your relationship and how much pain he has caused to you and maybe some other people in his life, i don't know what else to say, but yeah that's what i mostly meant, he should be talked to people who agree with you, and who knows that he will listen to them, and can tell him the problem he's causd! Well i hope everything turns out great, and i hope you DON'T become divorced, and best of luck to both of you!

Answer 5

I have the same problem. I cant stand the wasteful spending. ADHD


1.

Six or more of the following symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months to a point that is disruptive and inappropriate for developmental level:

Inattention

1.

Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
2.

Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
3.

Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
4.

Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
5.

Often has trouble organizing activities.
6.

Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
7.

Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
8.

Is often easily distracted.
9.

Is often forgetful in daily activities.

2.

Six or more of the following symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have been present for at least 6 months to an extent that is disruptive and inappropriate for developmental level:

Hyperactivity

1.

Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
2.

Often gets up from seat when remaining in seat is expected.
3.

Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may feel very restless).
4.

Often has trouble playing or enjoying leisure activities quietly.
5.

Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor".
6.

Often talks excessively.

Impulsivity

1.

Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
2.

Often has trouble waiting one's turn.
3.

Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).

2.

Some symptoms that cause impairment were present before age 7 years.
3.

Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g. at school/work and at home).
4.

There must be clear evidence of significant impairment in social, school, or work functioning.
5.

The symptoms do not happen only during the course of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Schizophrenia, or other Psychotic Disorder. The symptoms are not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g. Mood Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Dissociative Disorder, or a Personality Disorder).

Based on these criteria, three types of ADHD are identified:

1.

ADHD, Combined Type: if both criteria 1A and 1B are met for the past 6 months
2.

ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive Type: if criterion 1A is met but criterion 1B is not met for the past six months
3.

ADHD, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type: if Criterion 1B is met but Criterion 1A is not met for the past six months.

American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000.

Answer 6

G'day Annie R,

Thank you for your question.

There are a number of things you could do. Firstly, you could see a counsellor and try and find out the underlying reasons. Secondly, you can sit down with him and work out possible solutions that suits both of you. If he gets grumpy going shopping, go by yourself. You might even want to get away from the city if possible to somewhere nice and quiet where you both can relax.

Seasons greetings to you both.

Answer 7

maybe he is like the millions of people who have seasonal depression or maybe the holidays just freak him out making him act like you said he does. i know i get very overwelmed this time of year with so much to do. perhaps you could mention the seasonal thing and see what he says. it's worth a shot. good luck

Answer 8

GO the extra mile to make this the best xmas he's ever had in his whole life. plan it out, you still have time and you know him best. get him something he's always wanted and will have fun using. make the house extra beautiful and decorated and cook lots of food so it smells good. if he starts getting grouchy throw him down on the bed, laugh at him and make out

Answer 9

You can avoid all of this by doing Christmas shopping throughout the year. Catch sales and buy things way ahead of time.

Answer 10

i think that maybe it would be a good idea just to let him grumble. Maybe though you could try to ask him why he REALLY doesnt like the holidays. It might not be as simple as what he says. Maybe a phycitrist could be of some assistance.