Should breast-feeding be considered "work"?

Question

I know I might make some women angry with this question, but here goes... We just had a baby about four months ago, and my wife is acting like because she breast-feeds that should mean I have to do almost all the work around the house. I make the dinners, do the dishes, take care of the dog, take out the garbage, and lots of other little things.. I'm also the one who changes the baby, bathes him, puts him to bed, and I stay up with him when he won't sleep while my wife goes to bed..

whenever I ask her to help, she basically acts like she has been doing her part by breast-feeding the baby.. but when I see her breast-feeding, she's basically just plopped down on the couch in front of the TV with the baby in front of her.. she's just lounging there, so it really doesn't look like work to me..

I've made a real effort to be a supportive husband through this whole "new baby" thing, but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.. or am I wrong for feeling this way?

Answer 1

Wow. You're a freaking saint.

Your wife doesnt deserve you. Honestly. Having a baby is really hard, and i might be able to reason my way through her behavior if we were talking about a new born of maybe 3-4 weeks.

But a 4 month old?

Raising a child is hard work, breast feeding is just part of that job.

She'd really have it hard in any other situation.. youknow, like real life. Where moms work outside the home, raise more than a single child at one time, and keep a house and husband. *sheew!* Whipp'n that boobie out sure did her a number. Better eat another cupcake and rest a minute.

She should get up off her lazy buttocks and pull her load.

Seriously. I'll trade you for my husband, i can lay around all day and do nothing but feed the baby every coupld hours, while you do everything else.

Grow a pair, shes totally taking advantage of you.

Answer 2

I think you're being taken advantage of. It's supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.
I take care of the child, in every way, all day from 730am until she goes to sleep (husband is in the military and doesn't get home until 8pm most nights). I also work three days a week (and bring the baby with me to work). So, we do the minimum of chores(split) on those three days (like, walking the dog, doing the dishes, and making a quick meal), I do what I can the other two days (like, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, sometimes grocery shopping, bathing the baby - things that take more time), and we split whatever is left on the weekend.
He *does* get up with the baby for her 4am feeding (only time she wakes after 7pm, usually) and if she's up before 715 in the morning. A lot of times on the weekend, he watches her while I do what has to be done (grocery shopping, laundry, hard-core cleaning, etc). A baby is exhausting to everyone, but there's no way I'd expect my husband to watch the baby while he's home AND do all the chores. There needs to be a compromise.
Oh, btw, I couldn't produce enough breastmilk, so we have to supplement, but I pump 7-8 times a day, so I'm not really commisserating with your wife "breastfeeding is work" deal...not past the first six weeks or so. My best friend VACUUMS while she breastfeeds! LOL.
Good luck; sounds like you're being a great dad; your baby is very lucky to have you.

Answer 3

Lord knows it sure can feel like it at times.My youngest was shall we say a hungry boy. I often felt that all I did was nurse him.In fact for the first 5 months That was pretty much all I did do.While it can be stressful to have a child stuck to you almost 24/7 I am willing to bet that it is more the post pregnancy hormones getting to her. Remember that she is not getting much sleep,she is often stuck while the baby eats,and has raging hormones taboot.Give her a little time.If she does not snap out of it talk to her .let her know that you understand that It takes a lot to breast feed the baby and that you are proud and happy that she is doing it,but It would really help you out if she could give you a little help while the baby is NOT eating. Sugest that if she would say do the dishes you would be more than happy to take the baby while she has a little mommy with out baby on the boob time.I think you are a great husband and are doing a wonderful job.

Answer 4

First, you are definitely doing your share of the home duties, and that is more than many women can ever hope for. You are being very supportive. Having said that, breastfeeding is exhausting. No sooner than you finish feeding the baby, and within an hour they want to eat again. And you can't do anything while you're feeding the baby. You can't take a shower, wash up, or even go to the bathroom. So you sit in front of the TV, or sit and read, or sit and talk on the phone. Then, after it takes the baby about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes to finish eating, you burp the baby, change diapers, and it seems before you know it the feeding starts again. A woman's body consumes many many calories making breastmilk, which saps her energy even more. So BOTH of you are tired and wish you had even one extra second to just sit down and shut your eyes...or spend a few minutes alone... Be patient with yourself and your wife. Once your baby is about six months, the feedings will be less frequent, and your wife will have more energy to pick up more of her share of other household chores.

Answer 5

Because some people are too silly to handle the sight of a breast being used for something other than looking hawt. Most of the people who get the vapors over a nursing mommy wouldn't bat an eye if some pretty young thing went strolling by in a teeny tiny tube top. Yes, I think nursing in public is fine. I've done it myself a bunch of times, and I'm even the kind of woman who is a strong believer in modesty. It's not about putting on a show or getting attention - it's about feeding your child. I don't have to feed myself or my other kids in the bathroom. I don't have to hide myself or my other kids at home to eat and never, ever eat in public. I see no reason why it should be different with a nursing infant. That being said, I think it's important for the woman to be discreet about it. And most women are. Very rarely do you see a woman with everything hanging out in public. And when you do, look away if it makes you uncomfortable.

Answer 6

While breastfeeding is a wonderful privilege, it is definitely A LOT of work. You burn many calories breastfeeding because of the work your body is doing. Right after pregnancy your uterus contracts while you breastfeed (like involuntary crunches inside). The whole process of breastfeeding and taking care of a baby all day is the hardest job in the world. You do not get any time to yourself without having to be on high alert and this makes you tired and stressed. You are emotionally drained and this causes you to be physically drained.

The more you pitch in the quicker things will get better. It is true your wife would probably have more enery if she did not breastfeed, but would you deprive your child (and wife) of so much.

I think it's great you take over when you get home. My husband did as well and I have so much more respect for him than my girlfriends do for their husbands who left them to fend and were all on their own. Your marraige will be stronger because you are helping.

Maybe the problem is not that you are helping, but becauase you feel unappreciated. Try sending some appreciation to your wife just for breastfeeding and caring for the baby during the day. Romance her with a special take home meal. Send her to bed early without her asking. She'll come around. Enjoy the baby while it's small because, believe or not, someday you will pine for these times!

Answer 7

From a mothers perspective, breastfeeding can be draining, but she needs to make sure that she is getting enough rest, water and nutrition. Now, for your question. Although breast feeding can be challenging at times the responsibilities of raising a baby should be EQUALLY distributed. It IS good that you are helping your wife, but she needs to help too. Women (especially after we've had a baby) can be really moody so it's like walking on egg shells, but you need to talk with your wife, make sure you use soft tones and don't use words that place the blame or put down. If you're not ready to talk just slowly start integrating situations that you need her help with, start by saying "honey, can you change the baby while I take out the trash?" or "I'm going to the store for a little while, please make sure the baby gets his bath and I'll HELP you cook dinner when I get back." In the middle of the night it is really helpful for the husband to get up with the mother, talk to her while she is nursing, keep her company, or just get her a glass of water or tuck baby back in when she is done nursing. Go to doctor visits with mommy and baby so you can ask questions also. Have you considered your wife may have the baby blues or even post pardum depression? If you think this may be the case (and they are very different situations) talk to your wife about how she feels. Encourage her to get out of the house, go for family walks, or get a sitter for the evening or afternoon and catch an early movie and dinner. If this doesn't help talk to her doctor WITH her (not about her or behind her back) about the symptoms of a much worse case of the blues or depression and for treatment or alternatives.
Share your feelings with your wife, and remember, this is just as scary and confusing to her as it is to you, but it takes two people to make a baby and it takes both of those 2 people to care for and raise that baby.

Answer 8

having to breast feed baby is a lot of work for a new mother. especially since shes going through recovery after birth. honestly though, i breast feed baby, clean the house, cook our meals, do the laundry, also take care of our 5 year old and also do everything for the baby and i know its exhausting but my husband also has his share of things to do. especially if its been 4 months for your wife, all i can say is shes using the "breast feeding" excuse too much. i started doing all the light stuff around the house a week after the baby came out and gonna start work again at 6 weeks.

Answer 9

As a breastfeeding mother, I can honestly say how hard it is. You feel as though you're the only one that takes care of the baby, so you don't feel bad to sit there and see someone else cleaning... at the same time, it's not an excuse to not do ANYTHING. My 6 month old son still breastfeeds a lot.... he also uses me as a pacifier. This equals out to me holding him 90% of the hours he is awake. There isn't a whole lot that I can do while he is attached to me. BUT, we have toys that I can lay him down with... tummy time toys, put him in his carseat, etc etc.
BUT, it's not fair to you that she is making you do all the work. Tell her that you can understand how hard breastfeeding is, but that things need to change, because you aren't superman.
What I did with my babies father is I stopped doing the work. He wouldn't help me, so I only cleaned up after myself and the baby. I didn't do enough dishes for him to eat, I didn't wash any of his clothes, etc etc. He finally woke up and started helping me.. after having no clothes to wear, no dishes to eat on, and nowhere to sleep, because I left his stuff on his side of the bed. Needless to say, I never had to ask for help again.

Good luck.

Answer 10

It sound like you are being taken advantage of. I do not consider breastfeeding work, I consider it bonding with your baby, a very special time that you spend with your baby, and very good and healthy for your baby. If she is watching tv while she is doing it and making you do everything else that is not cool. Parenting, as far as I am concerned, is each of you giving 100%. You should both take turns taking care of the baby. It is something you should both enjoy doing and not looked at as a chore. You are very sweet to be doing all of this for her, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of, Take turns doing things. There is alot more to taking care of a baby than just breastfeeding trust me.