I am the mother of his daughter and we have a great relationship other than his porn use and looking at other women. I fear he is not faithful to me because he does this when I am home and feel he does things with me that he wants with them and uses me as his "release" body. I know he loves me, but I don't understand why he does this! I know it is natural for a guy to be into it, but he is saying he wants to devote his life to me, yet he doesn't care how unhappy this stuff makes me, he just keeps looking and it isnt even just porn it is pictures of naked girls too and it makes me feel worthless and not good enough. Everytime I try to talk with him about it, he says I am being stupid and doesn't want to and WON'T discuss it with me. It really hurts but we love each other. I would never leave him because of it, but I have a hard time trusting him because of it and feel like he would cheat on me if someone asked him to. I dont feel like I am the only woman in his sexual world. WHY!!!!????
2006-12-06 10:11:12 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
men like to look.. nothing wrong with that, it's a thing all men do! maybe you should put yourself out there a little more for him to enjoy looking at.. maybe spice things up a little.. and don't get to mad that he's just looking at porn, cause it could be worse like, cheating! good luck and best wishes!
2006-12-06 10:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by ~broken~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, it might help to say that the first conversation you have with him about it will not be you asking him to stop.
However, as a married couple, it's not appropriate for any subjects to be completely off limits. If you won't use leaving him as pressure, you can ask him if he thinks it's okay if you each have some communication topics that are off limits. If he says "yes" then tell him whatever you spend on the credit card is off limits to conversation. (I'm sort of joking, but I think you get the general idea.)
Talking with him about it is pretty important, so if I were you I would work towards some way of making it safe for him to talk about, and also making it clear that it's not going to work for him to stonewall you.
If he spends time relating to women only one way (via porn), it's a big difference than relating to women two way (cheating), but the issue here is that YOU feel sexually worthless.
You know, you might say that it's okay if he looks at porn, and that you're not trying to make it your business, but that you don't feel very special when he makes love to you, and that IS your business.
2006-12-06 18:18:51 · answer #2 · answered by danieltalsky 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you. My boyfriend is the same way, but he talks to me about it. I don't think that you should worry about him cheating maybe if he stops looking at porn, but I wouldn't worry about it now. My boyfriend has told me that when him and I have sex it is more about love and the porn is just wild animal kinkyness. He said that he imagines me as the woman, but would never even think of asking me to do the things that the girls do on porn. One thing that I did do for him though that got him to stop looking at naked pictures. Get some taken of yourself and give them to him. There are professional photographers out there that will take care of your hair and make up and make you look very sexy. Than your fiance will have a gorgeous naked picture of you to look at.
2006-12-06 18:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by tinytinkbell 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
that's the way men are. they want what they can't have and then when they get it they get bored. i don't think that he's faithflu anymore. usually i would say break up with him but since you have a daughter then that would make things really hard. talk to him. tell him that you don't like him looking at porn and other women. if he doesn't stop then go see a counseler. who knows. maybe he's doing that because it was an example that his father set for him when he was young.
good luck!
2006-12-06 18:17:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut.
Think about this, other woman. He is bored with a beautiful women in front of him. Please, for the sake of your relationship with your family, your husband, and your heart, talk to him. talk to him about your feelings.
Now this may seem kidish, but before he agrees to not looking at porn, make sure he does not delete his cookies.. so that you will know if he looks at this stuff.
If this does not work, I recommend conseling. Conseling will help you. If he does not want to do this, please leave this relationship.
My deepest sympathy for your broken heart
Good luck =)
2006-12-06 18:19:49 · answer #5 · answered by Love is Patient, Love is Kind ♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first off don't be pushy on the subject. porn is nothing to be shameful of. secondly, i can guarantee that he is not cheating because if he was he would be hiding his porn addiction from you. third, how bout you invite him to a strip join. if he sees that it is not something that you are afraid of, maybe be alittle to willing to tip the girls, his porn use may decrease if not stop entirely
2006-12-06 18:34:04 · answer #6 · answered by maggie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I just think you need to find someone else because you will never really be happy with him, because 9 to 1 he will not stop doing it and if you marry him you will end up in a divorce. I just don't think he really loves you if he is doing that he is just useing you.And no if he does it in front of you what is he doing behind your back.Find you someone that is happy with just you.
2006-12-06 18:16:35 · answer #7 · answered by donna29374 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What should bother you more is his reaction when you bring it up. Tell him to shut up and listen to how you feel, Cuz obviusly it is important to you and he needs to respect that. Tell him exactly how you feel, and dont let him say your being stupid or he doesnt want to talk about it. Make him listen.
2006-12-06 18:14:43 · answer #8 · answered by ReRe 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has an addiction to porn & if he does, he can't stop by himself. Like an alcoholic can't stop drinking. He won't be motivated to quit until he recognises that it's a problem.
2006-12-06 18:16:55 · answer #9 · answered by wanda3s48 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my god.. i hate this! why man do this? i dont understand.... i got idea.. if he look at other women porn. u should be fair and look other men porn... see how he feel. maybe he will stop... who's know just trying. also or u can pic urself nude lol.. then give it to him ;) hope it's help....
2006-12-06 18:18:40 · answer #10 · answered by XxItalianxX 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋