Santa Claus...?

Question

Well santa claus is he real?

When i have my own kids are my parents going to have to tell me i have to buy presents for them? Truth might hurt but its good to know

Answer 1

The man Santa Claus is based on was real.

He was well off and live in an over taxed place that was under some King or some junk. The Taxes were literally going to be killing people because they couldn't afford heat and food. So this guy decided that before it got to cold to start sticking mostly Coal, Sugary/Fatty edibles, and Coins in anything and everything he could find at people's homes. Since you have wet socks and shoes in the winter that was mostly what he found... actually the majority was shoes because everyone was nearly out of socks and running out of clothes. He wanted to make sure the children survived this cruel time. [I should note this was at night and he managed to get noone's attention AT ALL]

The people just under the King,.. them and the King were very mad. Noone was speaking up,.. but that was cheating taxes. This guy did it more then one year I'm sure. Well they,.. the people connected to the tax stuff and the dude just below the king,.. they figured him out. They got their way to getting him in custody for the crimes,.. and they let him go,.. and they got him again and they killed him. But then suddenly,.. (like a couple years had passed since he died),.. the stuff started being passed out again. There was no way they could catch and kill a Ghost for these "Crimes",.. they were just left helpless against the generosity being spread to Children and some Adults. This is Saint Nicolous,.. even Death couldn't stop the man.

This is the base of Santa Claus. He was a not so relgious man and he tried to get these things out before the coldest/darkest night of the year. That night was a Holiday to Romans that is now called Pagan. The Holiday was just a way to cheer everyone (even your slaves... they were allowed to go run around with money and do whatever they wanted to) up on the Darkest Longest night of the Year ( they also would switch roles with their masters,.. they were still doing that in Canada,.. I think that might be the day they celabrate Boxing day on now). So the people in charge of the town started up these complaints that he had to be celabrateing that holiday and all evil and junk.

As it stands many children get gifts from their parents claiming to be Santa out of tradition with a twist,.. but there are many organizations with Santa Claus in their name and many people that are named Santa Claus. None of these are Saint Nicolous,.. but they are just trying to keep up his generosity.


So remember,.. COAL WAS THE BEST! XD It heated, and was for cooking, and cleaning things,.. and takeing a bath. So hard to get with the mess that place was in.

Answer 2

nope...hes made up.

brings back bad memories...i was 13 when my mom told me the truth, it hurt really bad...

Answer 3

First of all SANTA ISNT REAL!!!! The first documents we have of 'El Santo' can be found in the Bible. See the Messiah. Originally a German officer, noted war ace, and inventor during WWI, notorious supervillain Santa Claus is the absolute monarch and dictator for life of The Duchy of the Arctic Circle, located at the North Pole. Hell-bent on world domination and revenge, every Christmas Eve he leaves the safety of his icy Fortress of Solitude to visit death and destruction “upon the weary brow of all the world.” From Sundown to Sunup the world becomes a cold, desperate place as only those sufficiently armed, well behaved or already dead, have a prayer of escaping his wrath. He has nearly always been defeated, and is forced to retreat to the safety of the North Pole by Christmas morning.

Attending him at all times are special forces from the Elvish National Front, the feared military forces of Santa’s Arctic domain. Led by Krampus, Santa’s Vice President and “the Lord of Hosts,” these fanatically loyal, small-statured clones who call themselves “Elves” are brilliant tacticians and expert martial artists. They maintain several air force and navy bases over the Pole, however, as the North Pole is part of Canada, the bases and the people stationed there are utterly useless. In addition to safeguarding Santa’s life, they are charged with capture and care of the Reindeer used for the ceremonial military purposes, securing power sources for Santa’s cybernetic prosthetics, support of the yuletide blitzkreig and working the notorious munitions plant known as Santa’s Toy Shop. Due to his night time exploits, also known as The Santynato.

The Santa Clause

Greedy BastardArticle VI, Paragraph 2 of the United States Constitution is known as the Santa Clause. This clause reads:

"In the early morning hours every year on December 25th Santa J. Claus of North Pole, Alaska will have legal rights to break all laws including but not limited to: breaking and entering, violation of restraining orders, and flying in restricted air space. All residents of the United States who believes in our Lord Jesus (and therefore will have eternal life in heaven upon their death) shall provide Santa J. Claus with a plate of cookies, a glass of milk, and water for his reindeer. All violators shall receive coal in their stocking."
In a nut shell, this law lets Santa Claus do whatever he wants and American have to fatten him up and water his reindeer if they want to receive gifts.

This clause was most famously challenged in the case Santa v. Robinsons. In 1963 the Robinson family of Akron, Ohio gave Santa crackers and a Pepsi while also as not providing his reindeer with water. Subsequently, Santa gave the family coal in their stocking. The family took Santa to court over this and the case went all the way to the Supreme Court. The court ruled in favor of Santa with a vote of 8 to 1. The only dissenting vote was by Earl Warren. All justice Warren said in this dissenting opinion was “You guys still believe in Santa?” . Shortly thereafter Earl Warren's body was found floating in his pool. His death is believed to result from tripping over a small dog that had run in front of Mr. Warren at a rather inopportune time. The police, having nothing to go on except a note nailed to his back saying "Now do you believe, ************? From Santa Claus", concluded that there was not enough evidence to prove that his death was anything more than an unfortunate small dog accident.

Recently secular liberals have tried to have this clause repealed as part of their War on Christmas. The most notorious battle in this war was when Jon Stewart lit a bag of dog **** on Bill O'Reilly’s front step.

Personal Data

Private Life

For years, this was believed to be Mrs Santa Claus. It has recently been discovered that this is Barbara Walters in her call girl days, who whored herself to Santa for a quick $50. It should be noted that Santa has a Santa fetish, and enjoys making love to women dressed as himself.Santa married his wife Messalina Claus (née Davenport-Southersby) in 1935. Though their relationship is depicted in public as a joyous, loving marriage between two jolly old people, there has been considerable evidence to support dissident claims that their union is a mere political arrangement. Messalina’s mother is the Viscountess of Antarctica, and the marital union has guaranteed Santa access to countless resources, as well as safe haven from attack, should Santa find himself unable to return to the North Pole. In return, Messalina has recieved considerable power and prestige, and she has been afforded every luxury and vast political powers exceeded only by those of Santa and Krampus.

Their honeymoon was a brief affair that ended when Santa was forced to return home early to quell the 1935 Keebler Rebellion. Since that time, Santa and Messalina have never spent more than 24 hours alone together, they have never shared living quarters, and they have no children, with the possible exception of Gary Claus, the head Tooth Fairy. Despite this, she is reported to be in lockstep agreement with Santa’s goals, and is viciously protective of his personal safety. Her appearance is actually not the aged woman seen in propaganda posters, but an exceptionally beautiful woman who has remained unnaturally young looking for decades. How she maintains her youth is a mystery, but experts are certain the Toy Shop is involved. For his part, Santa appears to regard her as an excellent advisor, and her counsel has repeatedly led to a change in tactic or strategy. Experts in international affairs have warned that should Santa ever be killed, the world will not be safe until her head is buried next to his.

Santa’s immortality makes the question of succession a moot point for the foreseeable future, though should he retire, his lack of offspring would be problematic. His lack of an obvious physical relationship with his wife, coupled with his extremely close working relationship with Krampus has fueled speculation that they may share pederastic affections. However, at present this is base speculation. Rumors of romantic vacations, extravagent gifts and not-so-subtle public affection continue to abound however, and it remains to be seen just what the relationship between the three most powerful people in the Duchy is, exactly.

Santa has a bastard younger brother, Secret Santa, who grew up in Santa's shadow. Secret Santa is now serving 30 years to life in Oswald Maximum Secrity Penitentiary.

hehehehe ;p