My dad has always found it easier to have distructive relationships with the family but I seem to be the odd one out at times. He is very need oriented and since I am independent and don't want his help he disowned me. He had my sister call me to let me kno that he's getting married and would not only like me to attend the wedding but he'll get an apartment for my sister, our kids and myself and he'll pay for it. I don't want to move but I'm torn if I should go to the wedding and put up with their singeling me out and putting me down or if I should just leave them alone.He has shown no interest in me or my son until this sudden wedding. I also think that he's using this woman for money or because he's running from the law.I don't like the way that he talks to me or treats me.....what should I do?????????
2006-12-06 09:35:06 · 33 answers · asked by nativemucklucks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I live in Washington now and the wedding is in Florida so it's not like I could just leave whenever I want to.
2006-12-07 05:36:27 · update #1
He probably is using this gal for her money and from what you've said, it sounds like he's had some past dealings with the law. I admire you for being able to make it on your own and not being dependent on him, even though he harbors a resentment against you for distancing yourself from him. Hmmm, and it sounds like your sister has the same resentment against you. Not healthy.
How about a compromise here. Go to the wedding, and then get back to your life where ever it is you're living now. Just grin and bear it for the day of the wedding. It sounds like your dad is a master manipulator and knows how to push your buttons and make you feel guilty if he doesn't get his way with you. For some reason, you're the strong one of your siblings and have been able to see through his "games" and make decisions that are right for you and your son. Unfortunately and sadly, your sister is not supportive of you and may even be jealous of you for being stronger and more independent than she is capable of.
Look, bottom line, if going to that wedding is not right for you and your son and you're going to be the victim of innuendo and manipulative remarks, then don't go and let the "chips" fall where they may.
I do hope you already have a strong support system outside your biological family to help give you an emotional boost when dealing with these "players." Stay strong and God bless you.
2006-12-06 10:42:28 · answer #1 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should go. It sounds like he is a bit controlling and the fact that he has to bribe you into coming says a lot. If he has disowned you than it really does not make much sense for you to be there to support him. It would be different if he called you himself and invited you. Maybe send him a card or a gift and congratulate him but if you think he is going to use his wedding as an opportunity to embarrass you or put you down in front of his guest, I don't think you should go.
2006-12-06 09:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by Peace2All 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it were my father and he treated me the way he has treated you I would not go. Especially if you would be singled out to be made fun of. That I don't understand but I can see how it could happen.
It could be your father is happy now and so is trying to make amends with his past. However you should have gotten a whole lot more than just an invitation to his wedding.
If you know for a fact that you would be miserable......kind of like looking on the outside in.......do not go. Just send him a card wishing him the best and let him make the contact if he wants to.
2006-12-06 09:56:03 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at this entire scenario from the perspective of a STRANGER. Then ask yourself this:
Would you suggest someone making acquaintance with someone of your father's personality and history? Fatherhood aside: Is this man a person of character, dignity, quality, godly, self-sacrificing, loving, giving, caring, tolerant, patient, goal-oriented, on & on.
If just as a HUMAN BEING you find that he is not someone with whom you would normally associate with, then I'd say - skip the wedding. It does you and he no service. No need to get your son's emotions tied into all of this either! He's a user and best be left alone.
I'm sorry.
2006-12-06 09:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you've answered your own question... you obviously have a negative history with your dad that isn't really over... you have the right to protect yourself -whether it be physically or emotionally... and it sounds like you already know this will be an emotionally destructive move on your part. Talk to your sister and explain why you just don't feel like putting yourself in that place anymore.... it is up to you to break that cycle of emotional abuse your dad has put you through... send him and his new wife a card of congratulations and let it go at that... you don't have to go.
2006-12-06 09:39:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm... enable her flow in with you, get her working papers. Get her a activity, and tell her sturdy success, reason being disowned is like throwing a dogs out on the line without nutrition or defend.
2016-10-17 22:11:53 · answer #6 · answered by janovich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he "disowned" you why would he invite you to the wedding? That's what has me curious. I think maybe he's just trying to show his new wife to be what a cool and outgoing friendly type guy he is. I would be vary wary of getting hurt in this situation.
2006-12-06 09:38:58 · answer #7 · answered by sixcannonballs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad is the same way and its because i'm very independent and really dont need him. after he and my mom divorced he just changed for the worse. sometime i dont talk to him for like 6 months at a time. and then i finally give in just to let him know i'm alive. I think you should go to the wedding to show him you love and care about him try to talk to him and congradulate him and his new wife. i dont like the way my dad talks to me or treats me either but he is still my dad and i still love him very much. Last month my dad called for the first time in like 4 years and told me he was going to come up for the weekend to visit. i told my 4 year old son his paw paw was coming and he thought i was talking about my husbands dad cause he pays alot of attention to my son. i told him no i was talking about my dad he said oh mom i thought your dad died. I about had a stroke. i was so nervous my son would say somehting like that to him when he was here cause i always say things like that about my dad. i felt awful. Even though your dad is not apart of your life and does things hurtful to you and your son he is still your dad and his pawpaw or whatever you call it and he will always be. Now that your grown try to forgive him for the things that he has done cause as hard as it may be he may not always be around. and then you may regret not doing something sooner. Try to patch up the broken peices to your relationship i know how you feel i'm trying hard to do the same thing for my life. I'm going through just what your going through right now and i'm trying to understand that i'm an adult and if he's not going to act like one i need to. I will feel better for it later if you dont want to move then dont but go to the wedding
2006-12-06 09:56:15 · answer #8 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay home. Now all of a sudden he wants to have contact again? It sounds to me as though you need this like a hole in the head.
know that if you DO go you may open up a door to hell and never get him out of your life. Plus...why didn't he contact you personally? Not even a letter? Nope...stay away. I see bad things coming if you go my child. Take heed.
2006-12-06 09:48:09 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun, you do whats best for you and your son. if you think that you can handle going, then you should go. if you dont, then you DONT have to put up with that. you dont deserve treatment like that..maybe contact him and talk to him, or try to meet face to face, ALONE and tell him how you feel and that you would maybe like to be at his wedding but because of the thigns that he does and doesn't do, you can or cant....be honest and stop trying to pretend everythign is okay and you dont need help. i can sense that you are hurting and becuase youv'e been hurt so much, your not letting any one in. you dont have to let him in, just be honest. do it for yourself so you dont have to get hurt anymore. its an open wound on your heart that is still hurting and your trying to diregard it. Good luck. Best wishes to you and your son.
2006-12-06 09:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by College Wifey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋