My ex-husband is suddenly coming around again,he drinks daily with my 16 year old son...what should I do?

Answer 1

Okay, fast forward ten years. Your son is 26 years old. You get a call from the police and your son is in jail for a DUI after he killed someone in another car because he fell asleep at the wheel and now he is facing a manslaughter charge and they profile you on 20/20 as the mother who "stood by and allowed her son to drink underage". Imagine how much guilt you will feel knowing that you didn't do everything you could to stop his early drinking. This is what happens when adults condone teenage drinking. Teens have poor impulse control and poor judgement. Starting drinking now will lead to inappropriate drinking habits later. Take it from me, pick up the phone and call the police and have him arrested for providing alcohol to a minor. You son will thank you for it later.

Answer 2

He doesn't sound like a good example for a father. What is he doing drinking with a 16 year old. I would sit down with him and tell him drinking is unacceptable. Why doesn't he do something constructive with him. How is he or you going to feel if you son gets into a vehicle and cracks it up because it is okay to drink daily with his father. How about speaking with a counselor. This is not a good situation. I would rather be a witch now then waiting for the possible chance of something happening and having my son's life cut short because daddy started to come around and drink with him and I couldn't do anything out of fear. I guarantee you the last mom that layed her child to rest felt, it will never happen to us.

Answer 3

This could definitely be a hard situation to handle. Seeing as how your husband is already a grown man, I wouldn't worry too much about him. If you're on civil talking terms, then maybe you can express your worry and the bad influence that he is giving his own son.

More importantly, you need to have a talk with your son. Explain to him that a lot of people are better off when they start making wise decisions at young ages. Make him realize how close he is to being off on his own and that if he doesn't do the right thing now (and get used to doing the right thing), then he's going to have a real hard time with self-judgment when he's away. He's only two years away from going to college, and he's going to start acting this way already? I'm an RA and let me just tell you, I witnessed one of my own residents self-destruct his chances by going out every night, getting drunk, and then sleeping the whole next day. The university has suspended him for a whole semester.
(Btw, if you don't already plan to, do whatever you can to encourage him to go to college... it's the only sure way to success. Do whatever possible, even if it's a loan or community college).
Tell him that not all people wise up as they get older- that one has to take that initiative on their own. Try to stay away from using his dad as an example because not only might he(your son) resent you, but he'll think it's only 'cause you hate him(your ex-husband) since you're divorced. He'll respect you even more if he sees that you don't jump to use his dad as the example. Use crazy celebrities or Uncle Bob (from YOUR side of the family) as an example instead.
When he notices that you're not trying to pick another fight with his dad through this, and that you are only genuinely concerned about his well being, then he'd probably be more willing to listen to you. Try to suggest other ways that he can have fun to show him that you're not just trying to blow his party. Stress the fact that you're not trying to stop him from having fun, you just want him to find better ways to have fun.
The age he's going through right now can be really tough. I can't stress enough how important it is for YOU as the parent to stress stress stress how important school is for him. It'll make him into a well-rounded person that everyone will like and respect instead of a drop-out loser who everyone just pities and turns the other cheek.

This is a crucial period in his lifetime. A time where what you say can still have a profound effect on his life, and he'll still be more apt to listening. Best of luck!

Answer 4

I wouldn't worry about your ex specifically. Worry about your 16 year old son who is apparently an alcoholic.

Try to sit down w/ your son and let him know how you feel about him drinking every day w/ your ex. Maybe he'll listen and maybe he won't but the best thing to do is try to communicate w/ him first more as a friend. If you come at him too harshly he may rebel and not listen to you at all.
If it continues though then you should take more aggressive actions.

Answer 5

Your son is too young to drink and I would let my ex know under no uncertain terms. He is contributing to a minor as well as abusing your child. If you are up to it, call the police when it happens again, and press charges. Your son may hate you, but it would be in his best interests.

Answer 6

Why are you letting your 16 year old son drink? And why are you letting your ex into your house? Don't let your ex have contact with your son if he's going to encourage your son to drink. You are still that boy's mama.

Answer 7

Wow. Now isn't this ******* going to win the Father of the Year award. That's pathetic. He should know better and want his son to be a better person than he is! Call the cops and get a restraining order. If the kid likes it and gets pissed at you, he'll get over it. Its better than being an alcoholic piece of **** by the age of 18.

Answer 8

your ex-husband should not be allowed to be coming around if he is drinking daily. You say he drinks daily with your 16 yr old son. Does that mean your son is drinking? Please clarify.

Answer 9

So he's furnishing alcohol to a minor? Are you OK with that? If not, and it sounds like you're not, turn him in to the police. After you do that, you should have a pretty solid case for making sure that he has no right to be around your son. Get a lawyer.

Answer 10

For one thing he is contributing to the delinquency of a minor. For another , if he is in your house, then you are too. You are gonna have to take a stand. Call the law if necessary, tell them your ex is giving your son alcohol and ask how to put a stop to it.