why do women stay with abusers?

Question

why do they keep going back and where can someone find help?

Answer 1

it's called "learned helplessness" . Check out the link below.

Answer 2

It's not ignorance at all. You have a dream in your mind about your relationship and life. It's very hard to let go of that dream when he starts to abuse. You think that it's a one-time thing and that it won't happen again. You think that if you show enough love and tolerance he'll stop and love you the way you deserve to be loved. It's embarassing to admit that the man you love would hurt you. How can you tell your family or friends? You can't betray him - he'll eventually understand how much you love him and behave better toward you and the kids. Besides, he earns the money that keeps you and the kids sheltered and fed. If you turn him in, he'll have a record and may have problems getting a job, etc...


Then, there's the financial side of it. Sometimes women aren't working and don't have the funds to just get out. They aren't aware of the shleters in thier area and how they're not "institutional" but actually friendly and helpful and understanding. They may be afraid to leave because they don't know what will happen with the kids. Would the court make her give him the kids for visitation? What if he hurt or neglected them? I better stay and make sure that they are not left alone with him - so they're safe with me. A woman may think that the kids don't know what's going on and that she'll get out somehow before they get old enough. She may think, "he's only hitting me" and he would never hit the kids. he may appologize up one side and down the other and promise never to do it again, but of course it happens again and worse because now he knows that he can use her as a punching bag and she won't stop him.

They're are so many reasons women don't leave and it's so very wrong to asume that they're stupid or that you would do any better.

Believe me. I am a smart, educated woman who was married to a lawyer who abused me for years. If I told, he would lose his law license and then we would be broke. Plus, he promised to kill me if he lost his license. Until you've been there, don't judge these women. It's a very very sad situation that affects many people, not just the woman, her man and the kids, but society. If you know a woman is being abused at home, please help her. Her self-esteem is shattered and she may not be able to help herself.

If YOU are being abused, call the police. They will take you and the children safely to a shelter. HE will not be able to find you and you will be given food, clothing vouchers for you and the kids, medical care and psychological and legal help. Some of the best lawyers around donate thier time to women in need - to help you get child support, alimony and a divorce. They will keep you and help you find a job so that you can make it on your own. They will help you see that you did nothing wrong and that you are a good person who deserves better.

Answer 3

Generally if a woman is staying with the abuser it's because she has been so emotionally beat down that she believes the things said about her. Also the fear if threats were made against her children or family. It's not because they want to it's because a sense of helplessness takes over and you feel trapped. Like anyone who has an addiction it becomes a choice of wanting to be safe and loving oneself enough to live. Each time they leave and go back it just makes them feel more and more that they deserve the treatment.....this is also what keeps them there. Sometimes the person they trusted to tell and ask for help from doesn't believe them so then they feel like no one will. It's truly an emotional roller coaster ride.

Finding help usually starts in a woman's shelter, they have resources and may know safe houses. Then once a plan is made counseling and alot of times churches.

Answer 4

They keep going back because they keep telling themselves that things will get better. Abuse doesn't typically happen on a daily basis. Sometimes there are a lot of good days and just a few bad days so they just wait for the bad day to blow over. It just becomes an ongoing cycle.

There are plenty of women shelters and support groups - some women just don't feel like they have the time or resources to leave.

Answer 5

There are centers to support victims of domestic violence all over US. They provide with support and shelter.One can reach them thorugh local police (just call a non-emergency number and describe the situation) or through yellow pages. Also, a regular therapis is a good source.

They stay with abusers because their self-esteem is very very low. Because abusers lead them to believe that this is the best that they can get out of life. She usually never knows what reaction her action will cause. Will he like her cooking or will he spit in it? Will he explode with anger if she wants to spend some time with her friends at the mall or will he say "OK, see you couple hours later." If you had a dog and every time you extend you hand to the dog's face the dog would never know what is your intention - are you going to hit it or you're going to pet it, you'd end up with an abused animal, very unstable and scared, but not even thinking about runnig away. However, if you are consistent about beating the dog - the dog will run away for sure. Same with humans. If he beats her up consistently - she would have run for her life long time ago. If he beats her up every now and then - she will stay thinking that this is what she deserves, he will change, she will learn to understand him better, while the truth is - she should run.

Answer 6

These men work mind games on the women before they get into the physical. By the time physical abuse is happening, the women believe it is what they deserve, if they were 'good' enough it would not happen so it becomes their fault and the 'men' are absolved from all responsibility. The women are also cut off from family and friends so they do not have a support network, and because they come to believe it is their fault there is also the issue that they are too ashamed

Answer 7

Women stay with their abusers because they have been beaten down physically and verbally. They are told no one else will have them, they couldn't get along with out me, you're worthless and after a time the victim believes this. Their self esteem broken and want for love (no matter what form it is given) will keep them vulnerable to their abuser. No matter the reason for the beating the abuser always tells the victim it's her fault. The victim wanting to please the abuser eventually believes this and will do whatever it takes to make her abuser happy. In other cases the victim is afraid to leave because of constant threats of being killed and having no place to go or because the abuser has them on a tight leash, the victim has no friends to help get them out of the situation.

Answer 8

I think until you are in the situation you cannot predict how you would act. These women have been emotionally abused and manipulated and therefore have no confidence or self-esteem. They go back because their partners instill in their brains that they are not good enough for anyone so therefore they stay as if that is the only person they can get. My bf was involved in a relationship like this and she needed councilling and self-stregthening before she could leave her abusive husband. These men are controlling and they are terrified to leave, especially if there are children as they are afraid harm will come to them.

Answer 9

because they are scared in many ways
they are scared that the abuser will find them or their loved ones and do worse
alot of times when a woman is abused she ends up with extremely low self esteem and does not think that she can do any better and they sometimes think they deserve it. most women only get hit once before they leave
some women who have grown up in a abusive homes end up in abusive relationships and dont know how to get out because it is all they know

the best thing to do for an abusive woman is to explain the reality of what is going on and inform her that she has options. there is always someone to turn to

Answer 10

Some stay with abusers because they fell as though they are the problem and they blame themselves. Some stay because they have no one else to care for them example... family friends

Why these women always go back to abusive relationships well your guess is as good as mine it would seem to me that they would learn from there mistakes

You can ask you doctor to give you recommendations for help

Answer 11

Women who are abused feel like there is no way out of an abusive relationship, because they taken this abuse for so long.

The first time a man even ATTEMPTS to hit you, that is a sign to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. Because if you allow him to hit you the first time and he tells you he is sorry, you better believe that he will hit you again.