3 months ago I told my girlfriend I wanted some time apart because things were moving fast, and we were getting pretty serious. My girlfriend was very upset, but I insisted and we didnt see each other for a month. When I realized how much I loved her I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me, but after a few weeks she finaly took me back.We are happy for the past two months, but last week I asked if she had dated anyone while we were apart - I did not.I found out she not only did date but she even slept with someone she knows from her gym and someone from her work, she says for about 3 weeks she had regular sex .The past few days I have been trying to hold in my jealousy.I know it is my fault and I gave her the freedom, but how do I get rid of my rage without showing it to my girlfriend?I have been asking her details of what happened and we have talked, and i feel i need to know altho its hard. i let her know it is ok to talk about enjoying the sex. am i ok?
2006-12-06 08:56:50 · 13 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
it's good that you talked about it. if you want to make your relationship work something need to get out in the open, but at the same time you shouldve been prepared for the answer. You took time away from her that gave her the right to do as she pleased. you have no real reason to be mad about what she did.
2006-12-06 09:08:04 · answer #1 · answered by you know who 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are right in saying that you are the one that broke it off and insisted on the separation. Sounds like she has been honest with you in telling you that she did have relations with others during that time and she had every right to, as you would have had the right to as well if she broke it off with you like that.
Until you both decide, if you ever decide, to have an exclusive monogamous relationship and you both agree on that, you can't expect fidelity especially if you were the one that dumped her.
I think it is normal that you wonder what she did. It would be wise to get tested for STD's like HIV etc once you have been back together for 3 mos and then at 6 mos, both getting tested. Then it would be good to use condoms to lessen the possibility of getting more than a girlfriend back.
Why would you want to hear about whether she enjoyed sex with someone else andwhy would she want to talk to you about it? Do you want to feel a need to push her away or judge HER for what you initiated by effectively dumping her?
I think it is also normal for people to spend time apart, but if you are not leaving them for good, if you know that is not your intention then you need to discuss expectations and set a time of separation.
It doesn't sound like you did this. It sounds like you dumped her for an indefinite and possibly forever time and then realized you wanted her back. Do you want to stay with her? Maybe you would both consider couples counseling if that is the case.
2006-12-06 17:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T need to know...you don't WANT to know. You said yourself, she had the freedom, and from the sound of it, she did it because she was angry at you, and she probably didn't think you would get back together. Stop asking her about it. I know this IS hard, and probably anyone would feel similar to how your feeling...but, ultimately, it's your issue, not hers. If you really love her, try to see it from her point of view. You feel betrayed that she slept with someone else on your "break" but I'm sure she feels betrayed that you wanted to break up in the first place. How would you have really felt if she had decided to have a break with you, when you really didn't want to? You may say it really had nothing to do with HER, it was the relationship, but it's really hard for people to not take something like that personally, people will always feel like it must be because of them, and that brings all sorts of insecurities to the forefront, just as you are feeling insecure now. It's a terrible feeling, but if you really love one another, you CAN get through this.
2006-12-06 17:22:08 · answer #3 · answered by wendy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men will hold it against a women if she tells all....a huge mistake....move on if you care about her......she does not have to tell you what happened while you were apart. Why should she? You broke it off with her. Don't dwell on it and try to make the best of what's going on now and forget about the past. Live for the day and enjoy your time together. Try to bring some happiness and new experiences into your relationship too. Good luck!
2006-12-06 17:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by jazi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you do not have the right.You told her you needed space and time apart from ech other.She wasn't supposed to sit home pining after you was she?Release your rage somewhere else.Don't ask her details , it's none of your buisiness, you were broke up at the time. Pick yourself up and move on either with or without her.Just make sure you are over this before you try to take the relationship to another level. Good luck.
2006-12-06 17:06:28 · answer #5 · answered by birdlady 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A smart man learns from his mistakes,
A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, and
A fool never learns.
The same q? posted 5 times in a span of 5 mins, all in different areas of q&a. This looks like flagrant abuse to me
2006-12-06 17:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by Red Winged Bandit 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your choice mate - bad luck. You made that bed and she layed in it so to speak.
You were not together and she had no idea if you were coming back, nor what you were getting upto. You will have to get over it and have more sense next time.
If you cant then leave but learn the important lesson presented to you here.
2006-12-06 17:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by zappafan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
None of your business what she did. You were the one to tell her to leave you alone.
I'm suprised she didn't tell you this, well, she might have wanted to punish you a bit.
Leave it alone and get over it or find someone else.
2006-12-06 17:05:42 · answer #8 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS... Get over yourself. You dumped her, she had every right to do whatever she wanted. And if you don't like to hear what she did, then quit asking.. DUH.............You're being a huge jerk and you need to either forget about it, or dump her again.
2006-12-06 17:00:22 · answer #9 · answered by two_kee_kees 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask for details. Please know that she slept around to piss you off.It worked. Now ask your self this, if you get married, have a fight will she screw someone just for revenge? I think she would.
2006-12-06 17:04:15 · answer #10 · answered by Tom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋