Guys and Gals, does it change? be honest please?

Question

I am married with no kids. Most of my pals or relatives that are married, were doing great until the kids came along it seems. I don't want to sound synnical, but it's what I see. All my pals are "stuck" they tell me, stuck to the house always tending to the wife or kids. I also see a lot of people getting very stressed out over kids because all of their time is spent on the kids, worrying, going to school, doctors, parties every damn weekend, there's no time for themselves, no vacations. I guess I'm just wondering if it is what it is. Is anyone here married, and doesn't want kids? Will a marriage be okay without kids?? maybe better huh??
who knows?? anyone please??

Answer 1

I am married (8 years) and have 3 children. Marriage does certainly change as your life is totally occupied with the kids and not so much each other which is sad. I would NEVER not have my kids but sometimes miss the days when my husband and I could just pack up and go out or go away for the weekend. You and your spouse seem to be put behind the kids which you can't have. You need to have date night - alone time - even when you have kids. In fact it is more important than ever.

Answer 2

If you think....even for one minute....all these things are too much for you do not get married or have children.

What you have listed is the reality of it. That is the way it is. But your love for them will transcend all of the sacrifice you will have to make. Going though the experience of having and then raising children can be challenging. However you will never in your whole life love anything as much as you do your own children.

So if all the work is not for you never ever be with a women that does not feel the same. I'm talking about married or not married.
This is a huge issue today with young people today I think.
When your not ready for the responsibility but you find yourself stuck it it you think that your life is ruined. So enjoy your freedom now. Wait until your early 20's to make the decision. Even then you will see things a bit differently.

Trust me there are some things in life far better than always partying with your friends. But you must first some to that understanding before you should ever do it.

Some people choose not to have children because of career reasons. I think they regret it later. There comes a point in your life where this is not a do over kind of thing. But the most important thing is what you are ready for. Never do anything that someone else wants that you know is not right for you. Everyone pays for it.

Answer 3

Having children does indeed totally and necessarily change the priorities of a mature adult. Your kids must come first. If they don't, you are a lousy excuse for a parent. And kids can bring a parent immeasurable joy and a kind of love you never knew you could feel.

That said, it is very easy for a woman (or man) to get lost in the world of parenthood and taking care of a home, etc and forget to spend some time focusing on their spouse or their own identity. If a man feels trapped, he should talk with his wife about finding ways to reignite their marriage and finding some couple time. He may also need to spend quality time with the kids to see them as unique individuals rather than a drag on his time and money. And a man needs to understand that for most women having babies does change their bodies forever and that having children is a tiring proposition that will often result in less sex. (I personally think that many couples have more children than they can handle financially or emotionally and many couples would be better off with one child.)

So it is important to think about what you want in life and from a marriage. If you truly do not want kids or the lifestyle that having kids entails, then do NOT have kids. You will make everyone miserable if you have kids you resent. If you feel that you would be stuck by having children, then make sure to find a woman who doesn't want children AND have a vasectomy.

Answer 4

Many of our friends that had kids got really stressed out when the kid came. Some of our friends started confiding in us that they were thinking about a Divorce. I know of only one couple that actually got a divorce after the kid came. Let me also tell you that having two kids doesn't double the stress...it exponentially increases the stress level.

What happens is that you have very little time to yourself to unwind. Also, kids cost a lot of money so budgets get tighter. It becomes harder to justify buying the DVDs or new electronic gizmos. Because of these reasons, your stress increases. This puts stress on the marriage. One partner may feel like they are doing all of the work while the other one continues to play.

Having kids changes your life. I find most people eventually adjust.

Regardless of everything I have just said...kids are completely worth it. They are a great experience and I love it when my kids learn something new that they hadn't learned before or make connections that are new. I don't regret having kids and only wish I could afford to have more.

Answer 5

I agree with you! I've been married a year, I'm 28 and husband is 36. I told him before we got married that I didn't want any kids and he was fine with it. He told me he'd be happy either way, which works out great. But I've never been one to like kids and I've always felt that put an extra pressure on marriage. People are very critical of those who don't like kids...they just can't grasp the thought. Some actually think it's the point of getting married! In my mind, the reason we married is because we're in love - just the two of us.

We plan to do a lot of travelling in the next 20 years, and yes, I think marriages can survive without kids - but you do need hobbies to keep you busy.

I definitely side with you on this, but I know many people who won't so hang in there!!!

Answer 6

Of course it changes. Of course there are extra stresses. The rewards are difficult to quantify, but - like most things in life, you get out of them what you put into them. Sometimes you will feel like you are just giving and giving and not getting, but you are - you might not realize it yet.
If you really don't want kids, don't have them. Better off than having kids with parents who didn't want them.
BUT almost everyone changes their mind later. I don't care if you are convinced or how angry you get at me - almost everyone does. You might be 50 when it happens or even later, but I would say 99% of people regret it later at some point.
Parenting is a big responsibility. If you are not ready to sacrifice a lot of spontaneity, personal freedom, being able to have sex in any room of your house, etc. then you are not ready to have kids. I wish you well. Think carefully.

Answer 7

Honestly....I have kids, and I feel "tied down" all the time...but they are my children, and for now, taking care of them is what my life is all about.....I am young enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel.....I hope to raise my children right, so they grow up to be responsible adults who can take care of themselves (and don't have to live w/ Mom until they're 25). I absolutely think a marriage will be okay w/o kids....my aunt has been married for 11 years, no kids, and she and her husband are SO happy...they are free to go and do as they please....don't worry about it too much, I think whatever you decide you'll be happy with.....take care!

Answer 8

If ur not ready for kids then don't worry bout it. Tell ur wife if she ever brings up ta question ta truth. Kids are goin 2 be a pain for a while but tatz life.U choose to have a kid so u have 2 deal wit ta consequences. Life isn't always better witout kids and when ta time comes tat u want 1 u might not get 1.

Answer 9

There are plenty of married couples out there who do not want children. My husband and I are one of them. We knew when we got married that neither one of us wanted children. Marriage is fine without children, and you will have more time to yourself and your spouse, and pursuit of hobbies and interests.

Children are not a "need" they are a "want". They are not a "requirement" they are a "desire". Just because one can breed doesn't mean on should breed.

It takes great personal sacrifice to properly care for and raise a child. Some have that calling, and are good at it. Others, like myself, do not have the calling and the best I could guarantee would be that the child live to see adulthood.

Do what is best for you and your spouse and what is best for your marriage. Talk with them about children and what they want and expect.

Answer 10

kids are a lot of hard work and it does seem like it ruins the mood sometimes but kids make up for it when you see them sleeping or when they say i love you to you it really all pays off. I think if I would have waited longer to have kids my relationship wouldn't be as stressed but I would never regret having my children or would i ever wish i wouldn't have had them. You will always need to give something up either kid free or not.