I recently married the man of my dreams. He is my high school sweetheart and I know he loves me back. But i often feel like he is more interested in other males, but he would never admit it. He doesn't ever want to have sex/make love. I can count on one hand how many times we have in the past four years. When we "mess around" it seems like he doesnt enjoy it and he stops us for one reason or another. I recently found a letter from him to another male asking to "experiment". He denyed it and we went about our lives. Now everytime I wasnt to even kiss him, I feel like there is no purpose, because he is gay. Is there anyway I could found out or ask him if he is gay without hurting him?
2006-12-06 07:45:03 · 17 answers · asked by hakaaf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You got nothing to lose if your putting this on the internet.
Ask him directly
2006-12-06 07:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by cowrepo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting out is an option, but it's not your best option, yet. There are many distractions from intimacy in every aspect of marriage. We expect to overcome them and we do. Treat this distraction the same. I would suggest working from the angle of your perception of his unresponsiveness towards you. Involve a marriage cousellor in your relationship. Counselling might seem expensive and divorce might seem like an easy way out, but making a marriage work is a whole lot cheaper than divorce and a million times less painfull. If it comes out that he's gay and enacting that preference with someone else, and reconcillitation is not an option, then opt out.
2006-12-06 08:01:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd think..sadly enough..that if these facts are true...The man of your dreams needs to A. Become the man of your past. B. Start loving you enough to want to experiment with you...no matter how bad you may feel..if you continue to allow him to look elsewhere, odds are.. he's not the only one who's gonna get the $%^& end of the stick. Don't waste your time if you don't think you are what he truly wants. Compromise is a two way street. Before you make rash decisions, make sure they are right for you!
2006-12-06 07:53:42 · answer #3 · answered by 35 YEARS OF INTUITION 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Sounds like you MUST find out what's going on. If he is gay don't be made. Don't hate him, but also DON'T get pregnant. Don't have an affair. If he is gay and you can't fix this divorce and be done with it. Sorry - better now than 10 years and 3 kids later (like a friend of mine is now going through)
2006-12-06 07:55:20 · answer #4 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of gay men get married because they think they can change the way they feel. Maybe someone has told them, they will get over it, it is just a phase you are going thru. But in time they realize, it's not. He needs to come face to face with his sexuality. He needs to understand he is not making you happy. I normally would encourage people to work out their differences...but in this case, unless you strap one on, you won't be able to. He can still love you...that's not the point...it's just he's bi and can't help it.
2006-12-06 07:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's gay & hoped the marriage would "fix" him.It hasnt.Just say its not working & get out of it.Either he leave or you leave.You deserve a happy,,healthy relationship.The longer you stay in this marriage,,the longer it will take you to get out.Dont be sucked into this,,it can go on for years & you will miss out on true happiness.I know someone who is going through this same thing,,she says,,but I love him.She is short changing herself & hoping that he will change someday.He wont.Please,,,learn from this what you can & move on.I dont think he will admit anything to you because maybe he will not admit it to himself.He is not comfortable in his own skin. The longer you delay the split,,the longer you & him also,,will be unhappy.
2006-12-06 07:50:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is gay and he married you under false pretenses. And you're worried about hurting him?? You need to get to the bottom of this and right now and demand that he be man enough to tell you the truth. If that hurts him to do that, too bad.
2006-12-06 08:02:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust your intuition, seems like you already have the proof you need and it all points to him being gay, he has been gay all along but was just trying to cover it up, because he wanted to fit into society and did not want to disapoint his family and friends, ect, if youre going to get out of the relationship then do it while you are strong enough to and not years later when you have created a family with him....
2006-12-06 08:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
truth is there is no way you can talk to him without makin him feel hurt. however it is something that you must do. i know that that isnt any comfort. but again u must talk to him. tell him how u feel and remind him of y you both got together in the first place and what that mens to you/ meant to you. and that you truly want that back. also you have to be ready to hear what he wants or expects or expected, from the relationship. this is my suggestion. hope it works out for you.
2006-12-06 07:55:11 · answer #9 · answered by darling 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is Gay. I would tell him strait out that if he can not provide the affection you need, and go to counseling with you, you are going to file for divorce. You are probably waisting your time in this marriage. I am sorry.
2006-12-06 07:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're going to ask him of course he's going to deny that he's gay.Make a copy of the letter you found from your hubby and keep an eye on him,,,until you have enough evidence that he's gay then file a devorce
2006-12-06 07:50:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋