This is scary for me because I am divorced, and I don't want to push her towards him. She is infatuated with a boy that has nothing to offer. He is reportedly in a gang, comes from a bad home life, has a bad rep in the school system, and has failed 8th grade 3 times. Should be simple right? Not quite. I don't allow my children to date. I am strict and require honor roll grades from my kids. Their freedom is determined by their performance in school. Yet, at the same time, I can't be a tyrant. I will not judge a person because of their past. I know kids can't choose their environment, but I have a responsibility to protect and guide mine. This thug is not good for her, but she isn't seeing it. I am handling her with lots of love and patience, trying not to upset her and showing her why he is bad news.... but she hasn't changed her mind yet... HELP!!!!!
2006-12-06 07:42:41 · 24 answers · asked by gottabreal2004 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Firstly: CALM DOWN. It's okay to have crushes - we all have crushes on guys/girls who are good, bad, whatever. If she's not an honour roll student she won't be able to act upon it anyway.
You should only be worried if she's dating him already. Is he her age? If he's older than her and he sleeps with her, he could be charged, depending on your state (and country, I'm Australian).
If they aren't dating, then please just CHILL. She'll learn he's not all that and get over him - trust your daughter's judgment. At our age (I'm 14 too) it doesn't take much to make or break a crush on someone.
In the meantime, encourage her to get involved in extracurricular activities like sports, musical instruments or some other kind of hobby, such as cooking. This will not only teach her a new skill, but she'll make new friends, have heaps of fun, it'll help keep her mind off said Thug Loverboy, and if it's a sport, she'll get fit in the process.
Keep being loving and patient.... in the long run, she'll respect you for it immensely.
Good luck.
Have a safe Christmas and New Year :)
2006-12-06 08:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by Astrid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at lot of 14 year olds (heck girls in general) like the bad boys. If it's a fantasy, it's more than fine. encourage her to write stories or draw or whatever else it takes for her to be able to constructively explore these new feelings. Talk to her person to person about how proud you are that she's doing good things, and how you know some day she'll find a great person to be with if she wants, and have the relationship you and her father didn't. Trust her, (not stupidly, don't ignore the signs). If she starts sneaking out or whatever, come down her like the wrath of G-d. if not, just let her giggle and explore.
However, you might also want to find an older big brother figure to hang around her (some one young enough that she can crush on a little bit, but who is upstanding and forthwright and doesn't like little girls obviously). that way she'd still have the "forbidden" element (age) but will be focused on a guy that she and you can admire, and a guy that won't actually give her a chance in hell.
2006-12-06 07:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by smm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm thirteen going on fourteen pretty soon and my parents don't allow me to date either. I want to let you know, that parents aren't going to get in the way. I'm not allowed to date and I have a wonderful boyfriend of whom I adore, and I do good in school.
Nooooowww, hearing that she's interested in a boy like that is a different story. If you really don't feel comfortable, sit down with her and have a calm talk about it. Don't scream or yell, it really doesn't help and it may just make her ignore you and want to go after him even more. And key word she hasn't changed her mind YET.
She's fourteen.
You have to understand that by her being interested in this boy at such a young age doesn't mean she is going to grow up and have little thug kids with him. If it's disracting her from school, you should set times for her to do homework, as pathetic as that sounds. Make sure she is going everything that she can to keep doing well and that boys aren't interferring with her life at such a young age.
Trust me, it's probably just something she is going through. She will move on eventually.
I really hope I helped out in some way, shape, or form. And just please pretend it wasn't a thirteen year old giving this advice.
Good luck <3
2006-12-06 07:52:56 · answer #3 · answered by hollajovana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your the parent and don't need to tell her everything. First I would ask permission to visit the morgue where many gang memebers are routnie brought in and see if you can have an interview on the phone with them about having your daughter se these results if it is possible. It may have to be done through the Juvenile detention department. Since she knows your concerned just tell her how precious life is and that you would not be a good parent if you didn't show her her furture possibilitles, since gang members and their families are often targeted. There are many shows on TV about Prison life, not very pretty or emotionally healthy, maybe ask for a visit there, that would be an eye opener for both of you into if she got pregnant by him. Then bring her to welfare and have an appt. with a worker to see how she would apply, lets just call it an educational interview.
At 14, hormones are taken a different stand. You will become stupid in her eyes, so stand firm as a parent with love yet discipline must be more of a stern and wise teaching. If she takes drugs she will lean further and further from anything you say or do and want to leave. At this age they think they can survive without you anyway.
So it would be wise to teach her about drugs through the program DARE. Maybe get pamplets from them, get her into classes that show films on what these things do to people, how they lose their respect from their families as well as for themselves, often loseing their teeth, their looks and general good health; it is only about the drugs. A gang life is not a life of promise in a working community, but that of a family of ties to die for, usually including stealing, drugs, selling them and killing for terrioty. She is young but not invincible. You need to shoe and teach her so she can make wise choices. I think it will not be you pushing her into his arms but rather the allure of the drugs which often is the escape. Make life at home her refuge when you are all done, for a life of promise, educational dreams, her choice or talent and share that with her until the day she makes you smile with joy when she graduates, and is self dependent and needs no one to support her. Then maybe you will have taught her all she nees to move on and maybe one day, take care of you in your day of need.
2006-12-06 08:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by Hope 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is normal for a 14 year old girl to have interest in a boy. Mom you can't control that. My advise to you is continue doing what you are doing keep offering her love and be very patient with her, you don't want to push her to do something stupid like runnig away with him. Just give her advise, talk to her about sex and consequenses it brings. STDs and pregnacy. Be open with her at all time. Show her she can trust you with anything. Don't be so strict that usually push them away. Pray that she will open her eyes soon. Explain to her that having a boyfriend that is involved in a gang is not going to give her nothing in return but maybe a baby.
Be open and say what you feel in your heart.
My mother did that with me and I turned out pretty good.
2006-12-06 08:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the fact that you don't let her date is probably playing a part in this whole relationship. She's probably in it for the rebellion, not the guy. You cant supress a teenager's love. A desire to decrease her love will just increase it. I suggest riding it out, showing her that you're cool with her dating, and making sure she doesn't get hurt (Physically or emotionally) Oh, and don't let her go anywhere private with that boy. Make sure they date in public places. But don't go spying on them. That will make her really mad.
2006-12-06 07:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if she gets good grades and she is a good girl then you give her her freedom right? well giving her her freedom will be for her to choose who she wants to be with and what she wants to do.
so, i would make her get her good grades and have her show me that she is doing well and let her know that if she does then she can do what she wants.
later (if she choosing to be with that loser boy) she may realize that he was all wrong for her in the first place.
don't tell me that you haven't realized with the people you dated and your ex-husband that they were all wrong for you. every boy and girl, woman and man goes through this. maybe this is how she is going to find out.
so, make sure she gets her good grades and let her do what she wants then. because then if she begins doing drugs then you'll know because her grades will be bad. then you'll be able to keep her at home to study and get good grades and she won't be able to see that boy anymore.
you got me?
2006-12-06 07:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by my nickname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It relies upon on the community and state rules, yet in lots of circumstances, that's seen the two sexual misconduct with a minor, sexual abuse, or statutory rape. Legally, a baby of 13-14 would not have the psychological skill to grant consent. era. no remember how "mature" he or she could be. a individual would not legally have the wonderful to elect approximately his or her very own physique till 17 or 18, counting on the state and local rules. wish that facilitates!
2016-10-04 23:24:17 · answer #8 · answered by kinjorski 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever let someone else talk to her? I'm not saying that you are not good enough, but maybe if someone else talks to her that she look up to talks to her that she would listen. I'm not saying that you are a bad parent. I'm just trying to help maybe she might sees it diffrent with someone else point of view. I know because I'm a teen, and sometimes your mother point of view just doesn't make any sense even though they just want the right things for us.
2006-12-06 07:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by KayKay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to keep her away from this guy. your local police department should have a program intact to show kids what it is like to live the life of crime & being in gangs. so, i would suggest this tactic to show her what it would be like to live this sort of life. you have to stop it because so many parents let their kids run the neighborhood with gangster & that is why so many kids have taken the wrong path. it sucks them in before they even realize it. they don't understand what gangs are. this is SERIOUS and isn't something to be taken lightly. you can't just let her do whatever she wants because she isn't mature enough to understand the decisions she is making. too many other parents have made this decision to back off too much in this sort of situation with deadly and/or detrimental results.
2006-12-06 07:45:34 · answer #10 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋