Ok so I am engaged, and my fiance is a total mommas boy hell bent on supporting his parents when his father retires which is all good with me but when i mention moving out of the state he proclaims it will only happen if his parents are stable- which i dont see how they won't be; They have a house and 2 new cars.. the thing is they are Columbian, I am not- they speak spanish I do not, and his mother has this mentality that no one will ever be good enough for her sons. What is one to do in this situation? She has had some unjustified things to say about me behind my back, but to him she says she has no problems with me. Friends have suggested that eventually he will have to choose and I know I will not be the choice because his thing is that his mother sacrificed for his family so he would never not support her. Don't get me wrong I am all about helping them but he even went as far to say "maybe they will move out of the state with us". HELP!
2006-12-06 07:14:44 · 13 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Also I have made efforts with her..I invited them and my father for dinner. She reported that the dinner was amazing and the house was beautiful and 2 weeks later she was bad mouthing me. Before that I wrote her a card in spanish saying thank you for welcoming me into your family etc, and it doesnt seem to matter! My fiance doesn't want to totally support them so much as make the loose ends meet I suppose. During this discussion he mentioned his aunt who visits her duaghter 6x a year for weeks at atime and i told him that I could never handle that and he literally did a double take. I explained that it is unfair for me to be in my own house and feel uncomfortable. and as far as kids go- My main faer is that she will be there watching over me telling me hot to raise my children! This is alrge part of the reason I want to move out of state..Kinda defeats the purpose if they come with!!!
2006-12-06 07:30:52 · update #1
You have to remember you are marrying him and his family......
I have learned to compromise.... I have absolutely no problem with supporting my in laws financially....
I've been married for 5 years now ( to the eldest and only son)..... my hubby knows I love him and his parents... but we have our own lives and I have made it clear that our lives should not revolve around theirs....
Our lives will eventually revolve around our children....just as your mother and mother in law's did around her children....
show him you and her you appreciate everything she did and sacrificed for them all, but don't try to replace her...
A mother's bond is strong..... but your fiance is embarking on a new journey with you to start a new family.....
Keep in mind you will have your own obligations financially with mortgages, loans and savings and later on when you have children you will have to support them.....discuss this with him .... plan ahead together...he may not yet grasp the concept of what he wants to undertake ..... and worse yet what he is asking you to do.... do you need to demand equal treatment for your parents?
By the way ..... we are immigrating to a completely different country and I have laid down the rule... they can visit... we will even pay for the tickets.... short sweet visits... once maybe twice a year.... I am territorial and my husband respects that so when I am pregnant i do not want anyone but him around....no matter how much his mother begs....
2006-12-06 07:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by eyeneva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As daughter-in-law I can say mother-in-laws are difficult. This is not just going to go away. I think you and your fiance need to hash this out. You are a team and you must back each other always. You need to speak frankly to your m-i-l (through a trusted interpretor if neccesary. Tell her how you feel about him, and that their relationship is important to you as well. Let her know, if she has a beef with you-You would like to hear it straight from her. She is going to be a part of your life if you marry him and it is up to you how you experience it. And if a boy is good to his Mama, he's a step in the right direction to be good to his wife!
2006-12-06 07:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the key word in your question is" engaged". You are not married to him yet and I wouldn't until you resolve the issue. So if your future father in law is still working is he helping support your boyfriend still? it sounds like who ever is making money is supporting the other family members. Is momma going to babysit for free and buy clothes, food and diapers etc for any future children? there is a difference between helping out here or there and supporting someone financially. You had better resolve this before you take the next step or you'll only have yourself to blame.
2006-12-06 07:23:39 · answer #3 · answered by justme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You gotta put your foot down! Tell your fiance how you really feel, and how difficult it is for you to be in this situation... Take a few spanish classes, learn to communicate with her, and then curse her out if need be. Most times, Mom in Laws, just need to see what type of person you are, they'll walk all over you until you stand up and defend yourself... You gotta take a stand my frined... I did, and my relationship with my MIL has been alot better... its not perfect, but that I dont need it to be, we respect each others boundraties, and thats what is most important... Good Luck
2006-12-06 07:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by devynedesigns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First on your behalf I totally understand. I have a father in law from HELL..... I hate him to a T. You leave the room and his mouth is going. Everything you do unless it is the way he wants, he talks about... So on that I feel for you... Secondly as a Mother she is acting that way, because she is scared she loves her baby, and in a way she is losing him. Be yourself, and as your fiance did she will see the good in you. GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-12-06 07:21:26 · answer #5 · answered by tabithascharm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I respect him for wanting to help his parents, but out right support them, uh no, that's not right, if they can do it on their own. If he is that big of a mama's boy then you need to speak with him now, before you marry him, ask him where YOU his wife will stand, if he answers behind his parents, they you have a decision to make. If his parents don't care for you then let me tell you, you will have to endure hell when you see them always. I know, I lived it with my EX- husband.
2006-12-06 07:21:11 · answer #6 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't support you now he never will. I have had many friends in the same situation and they are all now single. Be very careful what you do from here. How about you both see a professional.
2006-12-06 07:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your distance, and preserve peace for the sake of your household should you nonetheless wish a courting along with your brother. She wont difference, he wont difference and you're neglected within the bloodless. Sometimes it's not approximately who's proper, however instead who's the larger man or woman to make that transfer to place all of it in the back of them.
2016-09-03 11:25:30 · answer #8 · answered by stults 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will definitely be watching over you and telling you how to raise your kids and tell you how to decorate your house and tell you how to dress. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. And your husband to be will refuse to look at his parents for what they are--- meddling pains in the butts. This sounds like cultural differences. When you marry him, you get his family too.
2006-12-06 10:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by patti r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no consolatory answer to this. I'm sorry for you.
In this scenario the link mom & son is the strongest and lasts FOREVER! And no other woman, however outstanding she may be, will ever outshine his mommy. Badmouthing will never stop, don't count on it.
Just stand for yourself and salvage what you can.
2006-12-06 08:30:32 · answer #10 · answered by Sattva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋