i'm recently engaged to a wonderful man.I have never been married he is divorced with one child.right now we have bank accounts set up as his,mine,and ours(for household bills only)i really want to keep it this way for at least awhile but he does not.he wants us to pool all our money together with no seperate accounts.the problem with this is his spending.his exwife uses their son like bait to get what she wants mostly money and i don't mean child support she already gets that but she always wants more.because of my bf's inability to say no to her or his son he is now 26k in debt.i feel and know if we "pool" our money he will see all the extra money as free money to pay of his debt.talking to him about his over spending on his child will not work,i have tryed and it falls on deaf ears.so i feel if we pool all our money it will cause alot of tension in our marrage about where "our" money is going.am i wrong to feel this way?would u pool all your money and just hope he did not blow it?
2006-12-06 06:45:32 · 10 answers · asked by sarahmackey0606 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would only pool the money together if you were going to control it all and give him an allowance. Otherwise, keep it separate so he can learn to spend wisely and climb out of the debt.
2006-12-06 06:50:58 · answer #1 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married when one of you are deep in debt is an almost guarantee that you will have problems over money. I recommend that you keep your money separate and not get married until the both of you can come up with a solution to the dept and his inability to say no to his Ex wife. Once you get married, you should pool your resources, but if he can not pay only what he needs to pay and maybe a little here and there for the child, then you will only see your money fly out the door and problems will soon follow... It is hard now to say no, we are not getting married until the debt and ex wife issue is taken care of, not to mention combining the money, but it will be far harder once you are married if you do not take care of it now.
2016-05-23 01:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly how wonderful is this man? He has no self-control? He allows his ex-wife to walk all over him?
Sweetheart, he can't force you to pool money. Although, you should know that the moment you're married, separate accounts or not, all money becomes the property of the marriage.
You need to work this issue out, to resolution, before you marry this dude. Seeking pre-marital counseling. This issue could be a marriage killer.
2006-12-06 10:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you even have a bank accnt togeather
to pay household bills as you are not married
yet. You say he is a wonderful man but money
changes a person sometimes and it's best for
you to control your money at present until you
really know the man with whom you are with,
later on down the road you can make a de-
cision as to what you want to do with your
money assests, but don't rush into it as you
may regret it later.
2006-12-06 15:20:20 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to marry someone with 26k in debt? Why do you want to marry someone who overspends on their child and can't say no? This will only get worse. Run like crazy Sister. This man will spend all your hard earned money and you will never have a nice life or a nice home or anything.
2006-12-06 10:55:51 · answer #5 · answered by patti r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him. If you have "extra" money (after bills and a little savings) you should probably help him to get out of debt...that will affect you both in the end, if you're going to be married.
You need to be able to trust him. After talking to him, make sure he understands your position. You want to help him get out of debt (right?) but you don't want the money you earned to be spent on the ex.
If you pool your accounts, tell him you will need to check with each other on all purchases and expenses before taking money out. This way it won't all be on him, his fault. With debit cards and ATMs and everything these days, it is difficult to balance a joint account.
2006-12-06 07:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your best answer to your question is the one your heart and doubts are already telling you. You are right. That extra $ will fall on his ex-wife's pockets. I think (and is only my opinion) you should have your own for any emergencies, a rainy day or something to fall on. I have been married for 22 years and have my own account and we have one together too. Take care and wish you the best this holiday season.
2006-12-06 07:30:56 · answer #7 · answered by ppv918 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are correct. My wife and I do the same thing. She has hers, I have mine, and there's one for monthly bills. We each have our own spending money and are free to do what we want with it.
There's no reason for you to pool your funds together and he should be understanding about it. Don't cave in on this issue as you already know what problems to expect.
2006-12-06 06:51:39 · answer #8 · answered by tipper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very astute and practical with your money. Keep the accounts as they are now. Your eyes are wide open and that's a good thing. Trust your good judgement.
2006-12-06 06:52:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are doing the right thing. when it comes to money you bf is irresponsible. you need to protect yourself and have money if you ever have children. it's his resposibilty to pay for his child but he should not be getting the money from you. you are right to keep things the way they are.
2006-12-06 06:50:25 · answer #10 · answered by S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋