I've just found out that my partner has been putting about about £600 - £700 on his credit card every single month for since about April. I'm somewhat horrified because I didn't know. We share bills except that I pay my share from what I earn (I don't have a credit card at all). I don't really know what to do next. I gather that a lot of it is his exwife who, errr, gets as much money as she asks for otherwise she threatens him that he won't see his kids. So he says. At the moment I'm so p*ssed off and really feel cheated... Although I have a bit of money saved up I refuse to give it away but just don't know what to do next.... Btw we're not married and I haven't got any kids.
2006-12-06 06:36:14 · 16 answers · asked by little_friend 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Whatever you do DO NOT give him your money, because it will never end! He will end up bleeding you dry.
My ex had a few debt issues when we first met and I made her clear them off before moving in with me. She was a total tight-wad who got out of paying for stuff any way she could and never contributed to the household bills, food etc.
About a year after we split up I found out she was £15,000 in debt !!! In a year !!
2006-12-06 07:14:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No short answer really. But...
If he's screwed up his first relationship there's no reason to suppose he won't do it again.
On the other hand, if it's his credit card and you're not put at risk then perhaps it doesn't matter.
He is pressuring you (even if it's not overt) by the love you have for him and nobody deserves that.
You need to get out of there and tell him you can continue the relationship when he has sorted everything out properly with his ex-wife.
You do not need the stress and it's not your problem to solve.
2006-12-10 02:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So....you want to play the 'blame game.' I have doubts that the issue surrounds his ex-wife, although it's probably taking alot of heat off him to put the blame on her. He may have been irresponsible about money years before you ever dated him. He has lots of baggage, can't pay his bills, heavily in debt, child custody issues, etc. You are sharing this baggage by choice. Have you asked yourself why you're willing to do so? These problems are not likely to go away....I'd consider whether I was willing to deal with those kind of problems long term. Trust and money issues are big deals in a good relationship and a couple needs to be on the same page to withstand the challenges that will be presented throughout life. Good Luck
2006-12-06 06:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Difficult and very common. I don't think bailing him out will help in the long run.
Maybe the power she thinks she has with the children needs to be dispersed. She hasn't actually got that power. The courts will give him weekly access and the children will not forgive her if she uses them as bait. She's trying it on blow it out of the water.
Also let him know how u feel and ask honesty where money is concerned.
2006-12-06 06:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by sammyantha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh no well theres absolutely no point in bottling it all up. Have it out with him and then tell him your concerns. Then start the process about maybe paying his ex a once off lump sum because she will RUIN your relationship otherwise. I know it will cripple ye financially at the beginning but in the long term its the best thing to do. Seriously, the first step is to have the courage to talk to him about it. Best of luck..........
2006-12-06 06:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by Ballyskenachgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not surprised ur upset, i can sympathise with you as i also have a partner who has an ex who trys to get as much money as she can outta him i used to wear it but once we had our daughter together, i put my foot down a bit, you'll probably find that his ex's threats to stop him seeing his kids are empty as she probably already realises that as long as he is paying his fair share of maintenance she wouldn't be able to stop him it probably wouldn't stand up in court. tell him to keep receipts for every thing and to carry on paying her by chq or dd/credit card as he will have record of what he has paid just in case. As far as him keeping it a secret from you maybe u just need to talk to him about it and tell him how u feel, u mite find that because it involved his ex he didn't know how to approach u about it. just make sure that u have ur own money as long as he's not asking u fofr money to pay off his bill, I'm afraid u mite just have to wear it for a bit. good luck with the whole thing, i know wot its like.
2006-12-06 06:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I presume hes asking you to pay half>> I kinda missed the question!
However - he got into this mess himself without letting you know about his spendings so you're under no obligation to help him out!
xx
2006-12-07 01:04:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get used to it; the situation won't change until the kids are grown up. Better to decide now if you're willing to put up with it. I wasn't and that was the end of the relationship.
2006-12-06 06:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by Kayt 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Get yourself a new man. You have no commitments with him... but the longer you stay with him, the more you will feel that you have to help him. Your'e not in debt so don't take his!
2006-12-06 06:49:19 · answer #9 · answered by crazeeladee no more 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
he made the mess so he should sort it out . if it has an impact on the both of you then you should pull as a team to get it resolved and then chop his card up ...........good luck and happy xmas
2006-12-06 06:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by mrqprfc 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋