What to do when you invested a year and a half into a relationship and the he still hasn't really come around?

Question

Everything seems alright, but lately he hasnt spent that much time with me, and he still calls me and says he loves me, but he thinks that we can go days without seeing each other. I have tried to tell him how I feel and he just mostly takes it the wrong way. I have gotten to where I just dont expect much anymore, or expect to see him. If I get a call from him or he comes over then that just happens, I am not looking forward to it and getting my hopes up. What to do in this situation, I am divorced and have a small child. She lilkes him and has grown use to us doing stuff together like a family. Should I hang on or keep moving?

Answer 1

Dear Desperate.....move on with your life. You have formed a pattern of tolerating whatever behavior he displays. He's probably making it difficult intentionally to talk through any 'relationship issues' b/c it's just too easy to avoid the same. You deserve a guy that will be there for you. So, despite what you call 'investing a year and a half' cut your losses and don't invest the rest of your life in this guy. He has done nothing to warrant your tolerance and loyalty. It's probably demeaning tolerating such behavior for that long anyway. You need to set an example for your child as to what to expect from a loving relationship. You seem depressed and unwilling to take responsibility for yourself. You can't expect anyone else to value you if you don't value yourself. I hope this makes sense to you. Make a clean break and start the new year as a free woman. You'll get your confidence back and will be open to the right guy who is willing to make an effort.

Answer 2

I hope this helps. When I was 28 and had two small children, I went with a guy for over a year and half and he seems to want to keep it the way it was but I wasn't satisfied with that because my kids needed a Dad and I cared about him and he cared about me but nothing was taking place as far as the future went so I did the unthinkable. I cornered him in the bathroom one day when he was brushing his hair and ask him point blank, " Are we going to get married or not?" He almost looked like a shy pup and said, " Yeah, when do you want us to get married?" We were married for 22 years and recently divorced a little over a year ago so be careful what you wish for. I'm 52 by the way and the kids are grown execept one still in High School . Do you realy want him if you have to coax him into it? I wish I hadn't done that when I look back at the outcome but one knows NOT the future. God Bless! Don't marry if ya'll are unequally yolked.

Answer 3

First of all, I sometimes wonder about the use of the term "Investment" in a relationship. It makes it seem like there is an expected "Pay-off" for one party or the other.
I don't think that there is anything particularly wrong with that kind of thinking as long as the relationship does have a good "pay-off". But what it means to me is that if the relationship isn't "paying-off" does the "investor" stay in the relationship even longer hoping the big "pay-off" will come in one day?

My biggest concern is for your small child. What effect will it have on him/her if your Bf has begun to have a large influence on the child's life, & then is removed?

Where is your childs Bio Dad? If he's still in your childs life, then maybe he could step in for awhile & fill the void left if there is a breakup between you & the Bf.

Meanwhile talk to your Bf, & point out that you have to think about your child, & that you don't have time to fool around with guys who aren't in it all the way. Better to bring this subject up sooner than later.

Answer 4

At this point, you are very unsure where this relationship is headed, and you have gone out of your way to make yourself available for him. He could very well just be "playing" or using you. If you don't see or hear from him for days, he may have another woman or women he is also seeing. So keep this in mind. You seem to love him, but it's on shaky ground, so it's probably just surface love. It's best if you either leave him, or make yourself less avail. to him. When he calls or comes over make excuses that you have something more important you need to take care. And then take your daughter somewhere special and spend that time with her. When he wants to come over for some "honey" don't give it to him. This will be a true test of his feelings for you. Either he will pursue you more strongly, or he'll go off and find another women who will put out. And in the future, don't make yourself so available. Make them fight for you. And don't put our until you know them very well. Don't be so desperate to find a man to replace the one you lost. Take it easy and enjoy your daughter. When the timing is perfect, the right man for you will enter your life. Good luck!

Answer 5

It sounds as though his interest has died down.
Please don't assume it's something you've done or haven't done, he may just not be interested in moving the relationship forward to the next level. I think he's just being passive-aggressive to avoid a breakup, or hurting your feelings.
Since you are not fulfilled by the relationship as it is, please sit down with him and talk to him about your feelings. Let him know that you are looking for a relationship with more potential to grow.
Never let a man just "come over" when he wants to.
You and your daughter deserve much better. I know your child will miss your boyfriend at first, but she will adjust. In the future, try to only date men with long-term potential.. Your daughter does not need a stream of people in and out of her life. Don't let her spend much time with them until you have made a commitment to someone.
Please find a man who will love you and your daughter as you deserve to be loved. This one is not treating you like you are his family. Don't let him just "keep you around".
I hope this helps. Best wishes to you!

Answer 6

MOVE ON SORRY TO SAY BUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS RUN IT'S COURSE EVERY RELATIONSHIP ISN'T MEANT TO LAST FOREVER. AND IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S BEEN OVER FOR HIM. THE HORRIBLE TRUTH MAY VERY WELL BE THAT HE'S BEEN SEEING OTHER WOMEN BUT ONE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU CAUSE THAT'S HOW MEN DO THEY HOPE YOU'LL KINDA JUST GET THE HINT OR TWO WANTS TO KEEP YOU AROUND JUST IN CASE THINGS DON'T WORK OUT WITH WHOM EVER HE'S DATING NOW AND PLUS HE DOESN'T HAVE WINE AND DINE YOU FOR SEX ANYMORE. I SAY YOU CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM THAT YOU THINK IT'S BEST THAT YOU TWO JUST BE FRIENDS BECAUSE IN YOUR HEART THE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN OVER. WHEN A MAN WANTS TO BE WITH YOU HE MAKES TIME FOR YOU, THIS DUDE DOESN'T SO THAT' S YOUR HINT TO MOVE IT ALONG NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS YOUR UN HAPPY AND LONELY THAT'S NOT A REAL RELATIONSHIP. SAVE YOUR SELF NOW THAT WAY YOU CAN GET OVER HIM AND MOVE ON. AND THINK OF IT THIS WAY NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT THE NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS AND THE WARNING SIGNS AS SOON AS THEY APPEAR. LOOK OUT FOR YOU GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

Keep moving. Your scenario sounds just like what I went through with the last guy I dated. I finally came to realize one day he was not the one for me and I ended the relationship. I slept like a log that night because I subconsciously knew I should have ended it a lot sooner than I did. He was divorced and constantly told me he would never do it again. I have never been married and wasn't looking for marriage at that time but maybe at some point, I may have wanted that to happen. I finally I realized I was wasting my time with a guy who kept saying he would never remarry. He died 3 years ago from lung cancer - and I have since found out he did remarry after we broke up and his wife died not long after they got married. I realized I was not the one for him after all so we both wasted 1 1/2 years of our time.

Answer 8

I'm sorry, but it sounds like he's just not that into you. Talk to him first just to make sure you're not misreading the situation. There could be something else going on in his life that is distracting him from you.
If he can't or won't give you the answers you need you have no choice but to move on. I hope you can work it out but if you can't just remember if he's the one, the person for you is still out there. Good Luck.

Answer 9

This is probably not what you want to hear, but if he is avoiding seeing you, then he might not want to be with you. I know if I am into a girl, I want to spend time with her, not all over the place and not for days at a time.

Sorry again, but try be sure that there is not another woman, he going to in the days he does not see you.

Be straight forward and ask him whay he does not want to see you for days at a time.

Answer 10

You have invested enough time in this relationship where you should be able to tell him how you feel. If he doesn't respond then make every effort to move on and tell him your feelings very clearly. Communication is key to every relationship. Don't waste your time especially since you have a child.