Could you?

Question

Live with someone that you have never received any affection from? I have been with my wife 20 years she has never showed any affection and controls my life. Should i live like this for the rest of my life?

No i don't like it. All i want is a cuddle or kiss every day. I know she won't have sex with me but i want that as well

When i tell you i have 3 children will you change your opinion?

Answer 1

No, in my opinion, one should never live without the touch and physical love of another. Like flowers, we wither and die if we are denied these feelings. Your wife may have some serious issues and maybe talking to someone may help. What ever you do, don't be tempted to have an affair, it will only create more problems.
Why did you marry someone whom you've "never received any affection from"? Surely, at some point, you must have been intimate or you wouldn't have 3 children. If there was something there to begin with then, there may be something there again.
It is ultimately a decision you will have to make for yourself.
You stated that your wife "controls your life". No one can control your life unless you allow them. If you faced yourself and your wife and admitted that you aren't happy, what would be the outcome? It doesn't sound like your wife is happy or content either. You must take responsibility for your own feelings and happiness and not blame your wife for any "control" you may think she has over you. People get into these situations over time because they allow slight, seemingly innocent actions to take over and before they know it, they feel trapped.

As an aside and advice to ALL men out there: Get over the virgin/whore concept. If you meet someone who is affectionate, funny, sexy, attractive and wants to spend time with you - marry THAT person. Avoid the concept of marrying some woman who you think is the "marrying type" and lamenting the fact that you can't have an attractive, sexy woman whom you could have had in the first place.
Make your choice wisely in the first place and there won't be any need for affairs or lamentations. That's good advice for everyone, men and women.
People are people and we do our best to make life complicated, don't we?

Answer 2

My husbands response: Life's too short to spend it miserable. Your kids learn by the example you set...being miserable for your kids' sake in a loveless marriage isn't likely the image you want to have. Try counseling 110% Try everything you can now to make it work with the mindset of making it work...(to avoid regrets if it doesn't work out)

My answer: Just as you have needs that aren't being met, maybe you're wife has needs that are not being met. Does she show affection to other family members? Your children? Your statements make it sound as if she has always been dispassionate and yet you choose to marry her. Can you point to a time when you noticed a shift in her behavior towards you? Can you look to the reason why you married her to stay motivated?
It does matter when you say that you have three children. Your children will be affected by your current relationship and by the choices that you make to maintain the relationship. My Dad wrote in the spine of my bible that the best gift a father can give their child is to love their mother.
Perhaps a marriage counselor, marriage support group, pastor, rabbi could mediate and help you to open the lines of communication. It seems important to communicate to your wife that she is important, the kids are important, rekindling and being affectionate in our relationship is important.
Bring the fun back...flowers for no reason, open the car door for her, help her get the groceries out of the car without being asked, run an errand for her, sign up for ball room dancing classes where you have to hold one another.
Marriage is a two way road...and it's always under construction.
Good luck and many blessings!

Answer 3

If you have always been un-happy about it why stay so long? But everybody need affection and to feel loved if you have none of this how can you be happy. The kids will love you no matter what they might be upset at first but they will get over it. I come from a marriage break up and i respect both my parents for the decisions they made to both be happy with other people. I personally would never live without love or affection again i did for 10 years and was un happy

Answer 4

Well if you are still in love with her, you should try talking to her and maybe suggest marriage councelling. If your answer is no, then I personally not continue to live like that. Ask yourself that if you only had one year left to live if you would want to live like this? Your answer is probably going to be no. In that case, you need to figure out if it is her you want, just more affectionate and less controlling or if you want something else. I mean she has always probably been like this and you married her. Chances are it will be hard for her to change now as this has been going on for 20 years.

It obviously bothers you since you asked your question here. Try marriage councelling or see a lawyer. Good luck!

Answer 5

I know I wouldn't be able to stick around, but I'm just curious as to why you have finally had enough after 20 years? I would have been done with her a long time ago. Not everyone knows how to show affection, but the controlling part - I would never deal with it.

Answer 6

it seems to me you may be afraid to leave.twenty years is a bloody long time.
everybody on here can give you all the advice in the world,but youre the one who needs to take control of your life,get some happyness back,if that means leaving, then go.
you should not spend the rest of this short life being unhappy.
a wife/partner should be the one who makes you want to dance in the rain,makes youre life complete.
its always a tough choice to leave someone,look twenty years ahead from now,dont let regrets take the place of your dreams.

Answer 7

if you been with her this long then u definetly should stay. obviously there is something more than affection that keeps u there. my wife and i have been together for 10 years and there is very little affection between us. i love her very much and i know she loves me but she just not very affectionate. that's something u r going to have to live with. if you guys a share children then don't let something like that break up your family. seek god, that is what i did and i can honestly say things ahve gotten better. in the book of mathew 6:33 it says" seek ye first the kingdom of god and all his rightiousness, and he shall give you the desires of your heart. if u want your wife to be more affectionate then ask god but know that these things will only be possible once you get god on the inside of you. the bible says that "the man is the head of his household." If the head is not right the the body can never be right. give your life to christ so when you ask god for what you want he would give it to u. in the meantime shower your wife with compliments and gifts and make her feel appreciated. she will eventually feel guilty and start doing the things you desire. this process will not take very long but first u have to be obedient and seek god.

Answer 8

, only you can sort this one out , well she must have had sex with you at least three times,, otherwise where did the kids come from think of what makes you happy and deal with it if she really is that bad have a word and tell her how you feel if she's not willing to change then you might as well,try to make a life for yourself, your a long time dead. good luck.

Answer 9

Yes, I could live with someone like this, as long as they were this way from the beginning, and I knew it before I committed to my life with them. If they were affectionate at first, but lost it over the years - this would be tough; I probably would eventually leave if my needs were aboslutely not being met.

Answer 10

wow why wont your wife have sex with you thats weird. No i wouldnt stay with someone who didnt show they loved. You will be miserable if you stay. wow 20 years is already a long time to be unhappy. Your still young though end the marriage and start over with someone who actually cares about you. She'll realize what she has done and it will be to late.