We were married 9 years. We knew one another 2.5 years before marrying. He left me and the two kids 8 months ago. He has become involved with another woman. He says that nothing went on before he moved. (Yeah, right.) Anyway, why can't I just forget about him? He treated me without respect, was more interested in his buddies or worked all of the time. It is so bad that I wish I didn't have kids so that i can move across the country. Any suggestions people. Thanks for anything that can help here. Everytime I decide that I won't get in touch with him ( exchange the kids at school without seeing one another) he comes up with something that I have to talk with him about., like transfering to another school or the mortgage. He has admitted to me that he is seeing someone else but tells his friends and family that he is not so it looks like I am insane for not being kind to him. No. I have no interest in being his friend. I need some suggestions or even hope that you do eventually move on.
2006-12-06 05:11:10 · 10 answers · asked by jeri t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the thing is you have kids together so you will always be connected whether you want to be or not. thats the reality now my advice would be to get out there and date that can show you there are other guys out there, have some fun and forget about your ex. so what if he's dating? you should be too! Just be civil and set a good example for your kids.
2006-12-06 05:15:31 · answer #1 · answered by So Happy!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that sounded like me a few months ago. Were we married to the same man? But seriously, you will get over this. It will take time. You see, a part of you still loves him and that's why its so difficult. If you didn't love him just a little bit, it would not matter what the loser does or say. I'm just now getting to that point where it doesn't matter what he says good or bad. I'm like so what as long as it doesn't hurt the kids. Just give it time. That thing that he is seeing someone could be true or not. For some reason men like to lie about that. Believe me girl, you will be able to move on. Good luck.
2006-12-06 05:34:20 · answer #2 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in that situation only from a much longer marriage when he decided to try and have his cake & ice cream too, this is what time has shown me. You forgot who you were and what you wanted in life while being his wife & care taker. So, it's time for you to go for the things you passed up over that time that will make you happier and keep you busy with less stress on forcusing on wanting him back in your life. He's going to try and come back at some point once he figures out his mistake of letting you go. So, that will be in your favor to have the choice of taking him back (which you shouldn't by any means), or being able to tell him NO because of the pain he's caused you.
2006-12-06 05:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to forget about someone we loved and trusted. you say he showed u no respect, that he is seeing someone else,u need to get a support system, trusted friends, family, maybe your minister. he lies to everyone so he won't have to look like the bad guy, so others won't see the true person. when it happened to me, it hurt beyond words, but i just quit talking to him, and i did move away after the divorce. it still haunts me at times, they claim that one must give it half the amount of time you were with that person for healing to take place. u can't forget because u still must have expectations of him, but he will never be sorry, or admit wrong. he wants to make it appear that you caused this, that he did nothing, happened to me like this also. u can't forget because there has been no closure, but sometimes there's not going to be any, sometimes for our own sanity we just have to distance ourselves, and these things with other women do not just happen as my ex tried to convince me. it has been going on awhile, alot of plotting and planning, and finaliazing plans. alot of deception and he waited to leave until he was for sure about her feeling's. this was not caused by u, it has to do with a man who has no character, or impulse control. a man who truly has no self insight, and who has no sense of right and wrong. just don't talk to him anymore, file for divorce, let her have him and all the problems too, we really have no control over anyone if they don't want to be with us. some men want to be forever adolescents, and have no responsibility in life.
2006-12-06 06:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am essentially going thru the same damn thing right now, however we still live together because our newborn has some medical issues, and frankly, i cant go back to work until I get her over the hump right now, she will be having surgery next Wed.
He too tries to find something that we have to discuss only to berate me and call me names.I think it is because he knows he is SO wrong, he is trying to put the blame for our arguments on me.I have gotten to the point where I just agree with him, and it pisses him off more.
F**K him! You will get to the point where you just don't care.And whatever he tries to argue, or make things your fault, just tell him..Whatever gets you through the day, keep believing"
2006-12-06 05:21:05 · answer #5 · answered by sheila a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The line that stood out to me above all is:
"IS IT SO BAD THAT I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE KIDS SO I CAN MOVE...."
How can you say that!! I understand you may be frustrated but all you need to do is get over it and move on. Be nice to him and be happy with yourself, you will be setting a good example for your kids and who gives a damn what he thinks and what he does.
2006-12-06 05:28:47 · answer #6 · answered by Danielle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about the times that he has brought this woman flowers, took her out to dinner, told her she is beautiful or that he loves her. and when she asks about his wife (you) he says "she doesnt understand me" or that he might promise her that she will take care of his kids someday. or the new woman that he is seeing. or the jargon that he tells everybody he is not seeing anyone to make you feel better but in actuallity she was over their house for dinner. i mean what more do you need?
devout your time and tears to a new man who would make you happy and give you everything that other A hol counldnt!
2006-12-06 05:19:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you because im going through this myself. people told me to get involved with other people (friends, family) but most told me its only time that will heal our wounds. i hate the fact that hour heart can have such control of our emotions and feelings. I cry and cry when it hurts and write how i feel and yell when i want to. i just do what i feel to do when i feel like doing it and i force myself out of the house. do whatever makes you feel better, just make sure that you take care of your children and dont hurt yourself. you will move on.
2006-12-06 05:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by lankytallgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two ways to solve any problem: confront the situation or surrender to it. Wisdom is the ability to tell which course of action is right. I would suggest you discuss this with him, and be ready to give up if his answers convince you the situation is hopeless.
2006-12-06 05:17:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will move on
2006-12-06 05:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by Joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋