My fiance and I (and my daughter) are living together as a family, but my daughter will not get along with him even though he is good to her and tries to help her. She continues to go around with a bad attitude and her goth attire even though we both expalined to her that we did not like it. She does things to antagonize him and this makes my relationship with my fiance difficult. Should I send her to live with her father (whom she hates). I have already threatened to do that if she didn't shape up. She cried and cried and was good for a few days, but always seems to slip back into a real pain. My fiance is trying so very hard to love her as a daughter, but she just won't get along! What do I do? I refuse to lose him because she won't participate in our family. I have spoken to her several times about how important this is to me and that I wanted her to treat him as well as he treats her.
2006-12-06 05:01:03 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
She is going through that 14 year old phase.
Maybe you could approach her in a different way.Not sure what that is - but talking to her different. Hanging out with her.
Maybe you and your fiance and your daughter should go do something together.
or just you and her. try different things.
2006-12-06 05:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First it saddens me to hear you refuse to lose a man over your daughter. Your daughter was here before your fiance, are you not committed to her before anyone in your life? He may be the best guy in the world but that's your daughter, your blood, you brought her here, she didn't ask to be here. She is a teenager, they have bad attitudes, rebel, dress how you don't want them to, and push your buttons. She sounds like she acting out and there may be a bigger problem somewhere. She seems to have issues with the men in your life (your fiance, her father). Have you alone had a mother daughter talk, asked her what's going on in her life, how she's feeling about about things, where this marriage and everything leaves her, how important she is to you no matter who comes into your life? Or have you just told her how she supposed to feel and how grateful she should be because this man is in your life.
It's your job alone to tell her what you like and don't like, you are her parent. And if you send her to live with her father what is that going to do besides prove to her that you picked a man over her.
Maybe you and your daughter need to go to counseling alone first then let your fiance join. She may need to deal with her feelings without him but with you. Don't try force her to feel a certain way and resent her if she doesn't.
2006-12-08 17:48:56 · answer #2 · answered by cutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get to the bottom of her anger, try a counselor. She's probably angry because her own father doesn't treat her so well, and ends up taking it out on your fiance. Kids do weird things like that. Not to mention that in their sick little heads, they hold on to the belief that mom and dad will get back together. Another man in your life is a threat to their fantasy.
The worse my daughter's father treated her, the more she acted out to my husband. Once we got to the bottom of the problem, it improved greatly. We are like one big happy family now.
2006-12-06 06:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by sammie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My mother did the EXACT same thing to me. You know what? Even though she started being nicer to me after she got married (she stopped hitting me as much), I hated her and her husband even more.
Your children should come first. Not someone who you 'romanticly love'. Your fiance should not be living with you until you are married. It's okay if he comes to visit on weekends or something, but he shouldn't be living with you. If you're going to spend 'quality time' together, don't bring your soon-to-be-husband with you, believe me, it'll only make it worse.
I know that you're not going to choose any of the REAL best answers (about two of them above me were very good), but instead you are going to choose the one that satisfies you the most, because they agree with your opinion. It was a waste of time for me to answer this.
2006-12-06 13:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by Supernova 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her about it and get to the bottom of this. But you should never get married w/o her approval and DO NOT SEND YOU DAUGHTER AWAY. If you have a choice between your daughter or your fiancee it should always be your daughter first. You have to realize that you are her mother and you need to make sacrifices, big or small. I'm not saying break up w/ ur fiancee but dont even think about getting married soon unless ur daughter and ur fiancee get along.
2006-12-09 16:50:36 · answer #5 · answered by star 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have shifted the ability stability and she or he does not like it. She is used to getting her very own way and could motel to any approach to make certain that it keeps. She is listening to you she basically isn't agreeing with you and you cant consistently reason with an adolescent too many raging hormones. Stand your floor, be a determine, its going to be a no longer ordinary time, yet she'll thank you whilst she's a reasonable grownup. sturdy success, could the stress be with you. :)
2016-10-17 21:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off even if your daughter is behaving like a brat she has to be a priority over a man. She is your child. She can see from your behavior that you see her as a burden on your relationship, that in itself is not a burden a child should have to carry. Most parents fight to keep their children, and you are casually talking about sending her away. You need to reevaluate your priorities. Kids are not on this earth to please us or make us proud, they are here because we were given a gift from god. Start seeing your daughter who has gifts and talents as a blessing and not a burden. As for her relationship with your fiancee she is a young adult and he is trying to tell her how to dress and carry herself. He should have no parenting authority over her, that is just asking for trouble. You are the adult, quit shifting the blame and work on your family, which is her first and him second. See a councelor if the situation is not fixable on your own.
2006-12-06 05:06:40 · answer #7 · answered by katherinernilson 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
i have just a couple of options for you.
#1: Bluff
Tell her that since she doesn't like him, that you will get rid of him. Tell her how upset it will make you and how hard it will be and thouroughly explain your "situation" and "how you feel but she comes first". Put the biggest guilt trip on her and even have him come in to tell her how he's sorry things wouldn't work out because of her. Make sure to let her know how much the ring was and how much it's gonna cost for your "split up" she should come around
#2: Tell her you accept her goth ways and that he does too. act interested in it and play it completely out, its a phase that just lasts a few years and they grow out of it. trust me. tell her that she doesn't have to be "a regular" but encourage her to be herself and make sure he does too.
#3 Be the parent. Do what you want and put the foot down. its your house and your rules. if she doesn't like it, she can live with her dad or she can change.
#4 Explain to her that her acting like this makes you upset. ask her what she wants done differently and when (im not saying "if" because i already know her answer) she says for you to split up with him and extend her curfew and allowances, agree to it and play out #1
the only reason i say all of these is because i went through the same things with my parents, i learned the hard way and i know what shes going through. dont send her to a councilor or therapist (itll only make it worse) but just talk to her and kill her with kindness through her bad attitude and tell her you can't believe the way she acts after all that you've done and list off the important things that you have done. shes a teenager, she "knows everything" lol, so just kinda play along with it
2006-12-06 06:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by Royal R 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You daughter is going through a hard time, and she takes priority over any man. If she is unhappy, maybe that should give you a message that maybe this guy isn't supposed to be in your life. Don't be selfish, your children come first.
2006-12-06 05:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by Rose 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
okay that's like mty moms neice okay i know the whole attitude thing was the big thing but she sat her dowm and told her i'm happy and i've finally found someone i love and i'm not gonna let ya jealusly mess it up and so if you wanna be like that than just go live with ya dada and if you wanna cry i'm sorry you shouldn't have been actin a fool in the first place
2006-12-06 06:37:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋