My wife thinks I am cheating????

Question

I am a teacher who travels to companies, i do not work at one fixed place-I go to the office twice a week -The teaching assistant
phones me every day about work, and once on a weekend, I spoke to her on the monday to stop calling me on weekends she agreed-my wife constantly checks my mobile call records and gets upset if she has called and we end up argueing. we have argued three days in a row about this and today when she called i deleted the record, because I want peace . My wife now thinks I am cheating , I cannot take this anymore what do you suggest.

Answer 1

Ok, let's look at this from your wife's perspective for a minute: if she's a relatively reasonable woman, I doubt she'd see any harm in your colleague calling with work-related issues. However, calling on a daily basis, throughout a 7 day week is a bit much, even by a CEO's standards!

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the cheating issue as I don't know you however, out of respect for your wife, develop some backbone and insist, not ask, but INSIST your colleague call ONLY in relation to work and give her times that she can/can't call.

As a woman, she should have some bloody respect for your wife too and appreciate how unnerving it can be for a woman (colleague or not) to communicate with her husband far more than she herself gets the opportunity to.

One more thing: your colleague sounds scary! As much as I love my work and socialise with my colleagues, the thought of speaking to them so often outside of work fills me with dread!

Answer 2

What did you do to make her distrust you so much? There is usually a good reason people do not trust. If your assistant needs to talk with you have her leave the message so your wife can hear the whole thing. Then when you call her back have your wife sit with you while you talk with your assistant. Do this for a month or two give your wife the faith back she needs to trust you. Why does you assistant need so much help? Let her figure out some of things herself. Maybe your wife see this woman is interested in you and you just haven't figured it out yet. Your wife is jealous for a reason. Make it so she has no reason to be jealous. Good luck

Answer 3

Having been in the same situation as your wife I understand totally how she feels. Take time to talk to her and explain why she calls you, take the calls in front of your wife so she knows what your discussing, and never ever delete calls and hide them from her,especially if you've phoned this woman, she could check your phone bill and find out your lying, and that looks suspicious then. Look at your relationship and try to figure out why she suspects this, make her feel special and loved. You say you can't take it anymore, me and my partner were like this, he walked out and then I was even more suspicious.I kept wondering if he was with her.
Perhaps you could get this woman to call you during your lunch break, on a landline at your place of work, your wife may find this easier and then you'll argue less, and eventually learn to trust you again.
2 years on and things are fine between my partner and I, but it takes time, try to see things from her point of view. Good Luck

Answer 4

This sounds like an upsetting situation. If you are genuinly not cheating on her then you need to address this lack of trust. It's not healthy and it isn't fair to you. Ask yourself why does she feel so insecure about your relationship? Has there been any other event, recently or otherwise, which could have left her feeling this way? Is there any other area of her life in which security is an issue that she may be transferring those feelings onto your relationship?

The best thing to do is to sit down and talk to her about this. Obviously things can't continue this way. You can't be made to feel this pressured and she won't be able to take the stress of worrying about this in the longterm. You need to sort this out now before the cracks in your relationship get to be too much.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If you are genuinly not cheating send her to a good therapist and refuse to get drawn into any arguments or discussions. If work has to email you or phone you then do so openly - your wife will have to get used to it; she obviously has a problem but she is the one who has to work on it not you. The only other course of action is to leave and begin diveorce proceedings on the grounds of her unreasonable behaviour. Put everything down on paper that she has done; every row etc etc. It might just make life easier for the next one along if she sees it written down.

Answer 6

Tell your wife you have talked to the assistant and asked her to not call on week ends, and now you want some peace about it. If she does not believe you, then suggest that she get some counceling, so you can find out why she is acting so insecure. Maybe your wife is cheating on you, and that is why she is so suspicious. Ask her if she is cheating, maybe that will stop it. At least she will know how you feel when she accuses you.

Answer 7

Even if it is strictly work, you have to understand that every time your wife turns around...the teaching assistant is there. I have no doubt that you are faithful to your wife, and you are getting fed-up, and frustrated. However, your wife has a justifiable reason to feel inadequate. Why does the teaching assistant have your personal phone number?...this is breaking a major work ethics code. The teaching assistant should have no reason to call you, and you should be able to leave work at work. To remedy the situation...schedule meetings at work. You might even have to change your phone number. It is important to decipher your work from your home life.

Answer 8

Why not arrange a meeting between your teaching assistant and your wife. When your wife meets the teaching assistant she may realise that there isnt anything going on. Or, you could actually record your phone calls with the girl on your phone, if it does that i know mine does. Or you could make sure your wife sees this question on yahoo answers to persuade her that you aren't cheating.

Answer 9

You have to figure out where this lack of trust is coming from. She may just be protective and doesn't want another woman calling her man on off hours but to say that you are cheating is more than that. What troubles me is that it could be a sign that the thought of cheating has entered HER mind. Cheaters are often suspicious of their partners because they know that they themselves can't be trusted.

Answer 10

Maybe the assistant is way too much present in ur life,,,tell her to stop calling u all the time if it bothers ur wife and I'm sure if the assistant is married, her husband wouldn't like it either! or if someone was calling ur wife too!! Excessive calls from someone always create problems in any relationship!

Don't freak out..talk to her and see wht made her lose trust in u...Just talk abt it when calm..

Good luck to you!