i have a friend who is in a bad situation. she is dating a married man. she is aware that he is married and he is supposibly getting a divorce. she is only 18 yrs old. i know she is an adult but she acts like a kid. she doesn't use her common sense. she is always missing school for him..she is always running his errands. she pays his bills and she takes care of all his court procedings..etc...she does everything for him. she takes him out to lunch and pays for everything. we talk to her about missing school and paying his bills and she knows it is wrong. she says she loves him and is too attached because she lost her virginity to him. HE IS MARRIED! i feel responsible for her because i am her only friend and she is making so many mistakes. she is failing all of her classes and at this rate won't finish college. what should i do? should i forget about her problems and let her fail????
2006-12-06 04:43:23 · 20 answers · asked by vicky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
no, but you should ask her why she loves him other than the virginity thing. if she cant think of any other reason that is the answer. tell her that if he really loves her he will wait until she finsihes school, because that is the most important thing, also ask her if he can cheat on his wife with her, wouldnt you think that he will cheat on her(if they are married) with another woman? Sound to me like this guy doesnt know what the hell he wants other than someone to f*ck and take care of his BS
2006-12-06 04:47:12 · answer #1 · answered by turttlebert 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really difficult. You have to have a really sincere conversation with her. You should tell her that you love her and you care about her, but this man is probably using her. Tell her that you don't want to see her hurt, and be left with nothing if he decides to stay with his wife. (Which, I'm almost certain he will.) He's never going to separate from his wife if he can have your friend while he's married, no one would logically do that. He has the best of both worlds (ew). Tell her that no matter what, you'll be there for her. And that she really has to concentrate on her things right now so she can do better in school. You should tell her that if she continues like this, she could end up having nothing (messing up her future and education, losing him, and losing you) But don't make it sound like you are lecturing her, be gentle and concerned.
Hopefully your friend will understand this and make the right decisions. Otherwise, your only choice is to let her go and make her own mistakes.
This man doesn't take her seriously, but she can't see this and she probably won't. She is very attached to him because he took her virginity, but she won't get it back. And she's just trying to make herself feel better by convincing herself he cares about her. I think it'd be good if you talk to her about this and tell her that it's okay and build up her esteem and give her a hug.
good luck to you and your friend.
2006-12-06 13:09:09 · answer #2 · answered by Vic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all people are responisible for themselves. You are a true friend. I've learned over the years that girls will do what they want to. It doesnt matter who it will hurt or what they have to do to get it. If she talks to you about it tell her you dont wanna hear about it because its wrong or keep reminding her that hes married. Yes, She probably is attached losing something like that makes a bond. Remind her that hes sneaking around with her she's hiding her from the girl that he really cares about his wife. Dont let this stress you out you have your own life to think about. Your doing everything right so in the end you will be rewarded
2006-12-06 12:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel badly for you, because you're friend is dating a real jerk, it hurts you to see her getting hurt but there's nothing you can do about it.
That's the real hard part - you can clearly see that this guy is an a**hole - a married man, with little money and some kind of criminal record, has your friend paying his bills, taking care of his legal problems, doing errands for him, missing school for him and having sex with him.
This guy is a loser, but he's got two women (his wife and your friend) at his beck and call!
But this is your friends problem, not yours - either she'll smarten up or she won't that's up to her, not you.
Too bad - if she could only wake up and smell the coffee, she'd see this dork for what he is!
2006-12-06 12:47:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Vicky
Life is not fair, but to learn what life is all about some times we need to fall and skin up a knee, or get a black eye, or learn how to cry for a lost love. it will all work out some how, but your right, she's being used and she will get hurt. why do men think between the legs, it's just a 10 second joy ride for them and they move on to the next victim, your friend and I wish they would use their hearts for a change, women do and I love that, but as to men, they think some where else and I wounder what they would do if some judge ordered them to get castrated for sex crimes.
She is young and very impressionable at her age, but she needs you now the most, so don't leave her to this jerk. do you have any friends who are men that can help her see what this guy is doing to her, if he's going to court for his problems and she is bailing his butt out, then she needs to dump him fast as she can before she gets caught in one of his problems that will get her in to trouble along with him.
love is very much a part of women's needs in life and they become targets for a predator like this guy is, but with the friend you show me you are, she'll make it, after all, that's what friends are for - right.
2006-12-06 13:10:26 · answer #5 · answered by roger s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you only want to see your friend succeed but the most you could do is tell your friend that you don't like the situation she is in and try to help her out of it. She knows she is in a bad situation herself so try to get her to stop talking to this man and forget about him. take her out to a club or something so she can meet a new man and make her love a good single guy!!
2006-12-06 12:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its best to back off, because she's the one who's making a huge mistake by dating a man who's already married! He's basically looking for a "sugar" mama, and she's the one who's kissing his butt! Let her ruin her own life, because she will have to come to her senses one of these days and realize that this man isn't good enough for her! Let her fail and don't worry about her! Good luck!
2006-12-06 12:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remind her from time to time how you feel and be there for her when she falls, because clearly she is going to fall hard. There is nothing else you can do. You might try finding out who the wife is and let her know what is going on. If she isn't already aware, then she will put a stop to it real quick.
2006-12-06 12:47:31 · answer #8 · answered by RayCATNG 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can suggest is, be there when she falls. This guy sounds like he may be taking advantage of her....she is an adult and you can't make her leave this guy. She needs to make her own mistakes...just be there for her when she needs a friend's shoulder to cry on.
2006-12-06 12:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend has what its commonly known as the "father figure syndrome" mixed with the "mother nesting" syndrome.... she wants someone thats older and make her feel safely, very likely because she did not have a father or had a bad relationship with his and she thinks in order to feel accepted she needs to play the mother/wife roll by providing for ALL HIS NEEDS
She needs some counseling andobviously she needs to leave him. IF he cheated on his wife for her, what makes her think he wont do that to her as well?
2006-12-06 13:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋