i'm 18 &i've been dating the love of my life & soulmate for almost 2 yrs when i found out i was pregnant... i got preg in april & didnt find out for sure til july... i told my boyfriend that i had all these signs & i missed my period.. well he went on this long awailed trip with 9 of his guy friends 2 florida... most of the guys had grlfriends & they told us that they werent going 2 be meeting any girls, just having guy time.... well, when they came back, & after i took a pregnancy test that read possitive, my boyfriend told me that he cheated on me... all the girls found out the guys were drinking and hanging out with these 2 german girls who were staying in a condo next door to them, they were 21 so they were getting them beer... &yeah he told me that he had SEX with one of the german girls but that he was realllly drunk &he was crying telling me this... well we got married a month ago, i forgave him & i thought i was over it, but now i cant stop thinkin about it. what can i do?
2006-12-06 04:24:39 · 13 answers · asked by jessica c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ugh i dont know why but i want to know all the details.. is that normal?
2006-12-06 05:19:32 · update #1
you bought it. seems to me, you do things or let them happen and then you wonder if it was right or wrong. you can't change the past.
2006-12-06 04:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he done this before to you? Or does he have a history of doing it? If yes, then you're worrying about something that can and most likely happen again. When people get drunk, they are not totally impaired unless passed out and someone took advantage of them. They are conscious and know what they are doing so being drunk is not a valid excuse. But for two years you guys dated and you know him and should know wether or not you can believe him. This is a decision you will have to make and know that you can trust because you don't want to have to worry yourself from here on out wether he's being true to you or sneaking around behind your back. Look deep in yourself for the answer, check to see if feel that you believe him and can trust him. You don't want to spend more time making a life with him, only for him to "get drunk" and do it again. Just be careful, I'm sure you will make the best decision for you and your future child.
2006-12-06 12:33:47 · answer #2 · answered by Steve S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is gonna take time...You chose to marry this man despite what he has done but that does not mean that the pain will go away. You need to tell him exactly how you feel, not in an angry way but let him know that you are still dealing with this and that you need to express your feelings. I know you have questions and tell him that. Ask him to be honest with you, to tell you the truth but at the same time you have to be ready for and accept the answer if you choose to find out. Remember time is the only thing that will heal this and although it will always be a painful memory it does get easier to deal with. Focus on this: you and this man have a past together, a child, and your whole future to look forward to you have something together. The slut he slept with in florida? his *** was drunk, she got a quick 5 -10 minutes with him, if that, which in comparison to what you guys are working on is nothing. For future reference... these little trips he takes with his friends, I dont know if he would be going on anymore. Dont be afraid to put your foot down and let him know what you need to feel secure and safe again. MOST OF ALL love yourself, love your child and know that you are worth the universe - be honest with yourself about your feelings and let yourself heal. If you wanna cry, take the time to cry, if you wanna yell, you are worth the 10 minutes of yelling. Do you and feel good about being able to take the time to heal you...dont worry about cheatin' charlie right now cause only time will tell of the future and you know what type of man he is and hopefully he has seen how big of a mistake he has made and how much it hurt you (but he cant see that if you are bottling it all up inside). He will see why what he did hurt you and hopefully you guys can build a better communication line between you. GOOD LUCK
2006-12-06 12:38:48 · answer #3 · answered by angelnmuh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him how you feel, and its mainly up to him to make you feel better about the situation. If thats too much of a strain on things then I would get some kind of marriage counseling, it always helps to get some intervention. You forgave him, its forgetting thats the hard part and I'm not so sure forgetting about it is possible. Also dont expect things to change over night, it may be a long time before this blows over. Good Luck your strong for dealing with this!
2006-12-06 12:31:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u really don't want to know the details, details are not important as they are in the past. u did forgive him? not really. he did show repentance, he did express that what he did was wrong. focus on your new marriage, as he chose you,and married you, and loves u. he was drinking, not letting him off the hook, but i seriously doudt if this girl meant a thing to him. judge him by what he does in the future not what he did in the past. focus on the new baby, and your life, don't ask details, don't keep bringing it up, as u will only get more hurt over it. trust him, after all he did come clean with it, and he didn't have to. we have to watch what we think, as it can cause us problems. truth is he married you, and loves u, he made a mistake and wants to start fresh, he odviously knows he did wrong. please trust this man, and get past this, u got your whole life to live, why spoil it with thoughts of something that really doesn't deserve your attention.
2006-12-06 18:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you need to get yourself and your husband tested for STD's. I would also suggest that you find a good counselor to help you thru this difficult time. You have to find it in yourself to forgive him and move forward. Paying him back is in no way to your advantage and will only add to the problems. Your baby is due soon so you need to get ready for your new family. Also, if you are not in a church, find one. You guys are starting off behind the 8 ball and will need as much positive influence in your life as possible. Best wishes and I'm hoping for the best for you.
2006-12-06 12:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by chrisstrongpower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. You will be so surprised to see how 'soul mates' go as you age. You have to get some counseling. I know from experience. An outside opinion can help balance all the fear and pain your dealing with. Good luck!
2006-12-06 12:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Mystic M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. Sounds like a bad situation. I would recommend counseling. Find a pastor or marriage counselor who you can talk to -- infidelity is a huge thing to overcome, but it can be done if you both are willing to work at your relationship. Good luck
2006-12-06 12:28:40 · answer #8 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got pregnant in April and didn't find out for sure until JULY. Yea Right. And ELEPHANTS can walk on WATER.
2006-12-06 12:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to get over things like that, so you two are going to have to rebuild the trust in the relationship. All I can say is good luck.
2006-12-06 12:29:20 · answer #10 · answered by Roth Random 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had a doubt of trust then you shouldn't of married him.. It was him who caused reason for the trust to be gone so he needsd to do what ever it takes to get that trust back
2006-12-06 12:29:43 · answer #11 · answered by 女性ウルバリン 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋