We were "separated" 25 years ago....I found him on classmates, He said he has always has and will love me...I am single and he is on his 2nd marriage (there is more filler) and said they is was not the relationship he wanted.....we talked everyday for a month and my take is if your not happy, always wanted me and I appear what is holding you back...I didnt give an ultimatium but told him I knew there was no place for me in his life" in an email....now what do I do?...there is more "filler" but am I being unreasonable for expecting him to react to this situation the way I would..if it was reversed I would not have to think about it especially if I was unhappy and he initiated the rekindling, married men is on my list of no-nos but I need unbiased feedback on what I realistically should expect.----Be nice
2006-12-06 03:20:13 · 7 answers · asked by Hester 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the feed back.....even the whore commment, cause thats what I would call me if I were not me......we are 3000 miles apart and i told him to decide and then conact me, hate to be cynical and jaded just as much as I hate to be open and naieve. He told me they settled becaus they both didnt want to be "out there"...but she did email me telling me he was trying to have his cake and eat it too...I guess its all very Jerry Springer now that I think about it...I wont contact him again, just wondering if I should even entertain the notion it could work.
----Hester
2006-12-06 04:25:33 · update #1
My take is, if this man is not happy in his marriage, he should get happy IN his marriage. It is divisive of you to be adding pressure to cause a marriage to fail. When you found out he was married you should have said, right away, "Well, if the worst should ever happen between you and your wife, I hope you'll look me up." And that should have been the end of your communication with this married man.
2006-12-06 03:24:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough. I cant tell what type of person the two of you are to see whether you could make a move.
But it seems you have that story book fairy tale where your first love will always be your love. And congradulations for having found that feeling again.
I guess the only one to have an idea if you should start something would be the two of you. Dont worry about anything, if it is really ment to be, then it will happen. And the good news about that is that you wont have to do anything, it just will happen.
If something is wrong with his marriage, dont step in. That is between him and his wife. At the moment you dont know how she feels about the relationship, it could be if he is unhappy she is unhappy too. And you wont have to egg anything on.
Be his friend. You found each other after all this time. Being friends with each other is not a bad thing.
In addition people change after time, the things that you loved about him, and he loved about you could be different now. So your smart not to rush into anything, and kind to respect his life.
If married men are on your no-no's list, dont change who you are for anyone. And dont split his life, he will have more respect for you if you remain a kind, thoughtfull woman instead of someone that walks selfishly to control everything.
2006-12-06 11:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by Veronica 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let me tell you a little story.Once apon a time my sister was madly in love with this guy,they had dated through highschool and then he joined the services,well after 3 yrs of waiting she got tired and moved on met a man and was married,when the love of her life got out of the services she was not only married but 8 mos pg so he left her alone.Well her and her husband had problems a few yrs later so she went and found her first love and stayed with him for several days"now he had a live in girlfriend and kicked her out so my sister could stay there"But my sisters husband came there and she went back home with him.Well a few yrs later my sister got divorced and went to persue her relationship with her first love but discovered he had been on drugs so she left the possible relationship and moved on.She met a nice guy and married him then 4 yrs later discovered it was not what she wanted in life so they parted.Well she once again comes in contact with her first love"she had never ever stopped thinking about her first love" "nor had he ever stopped thinking about her"Well they get back together after a total of 15 yrs and at first it was like a dream come true,everything was perfect but then as time went on and they got to know each other all over again,they both started realizing that they both had changed so much,that neither of them was the way they use to be and things started coming undone.She was holding on to how he use to be and he was holding on how she use to be.Not understanding how time changes people.They were not how they remembered each other at all.And after one yr of being together they broke up and left each other in the past for good.Now what you need to remember is just because you stayed in love with him,and things seem to take off to a good start at first does not mean things are the way you remembered them to be.You can give it a try just dont get your hopes to high,because time changes things,nobody stays the same. best luck to you.
2006-12-06 11:38:11 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is easy to idealize a first love and I'm sure it must be hard but you need to let go.
2006-12-06 11:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by Stacye S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if hes happily married, then just leave it for now, but if he ends up not being happy then confront him again and tell him your true and 100percent feelings for him
2006-12-06 11:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by CarLee Z 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's Married, you're a whore. Is that nice?
2006-12-06 11:22:56 · answer #6 · answered by Fire_God_69 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Its possible you just have to follow your heart
2006-12-06 11:23:40 · answer #7 · answered by Tia M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋