Secret friends?

Question

I have a friend who's husband dislikes me due to our difference in religious views (he is Catholic I am Pagan). He has now forbid her to see me and threatens to divorce her if he catches her in my company. She wants to remain friends and lie to him when we go shopping/to the movies/or even just to coffee. I dont want to give up my best friend but feel bad about all the lies and am worried about what he will do if he finds out we are still friends. It is her choice to stay in the marriage but I dont know if I can remain in the friendship knowing she may get hurt over it. Any suggestions???

Answer 1

#1 Nobody should ever sneak around and nobody should ever lie to their mate.
#2 A man who makes threats and forbids things is ABUSIVE. There's this thing called free will, you know about it, he's infringing on it. It's wrong.

In summary, if I were her, I would continue to hang out with whomever I damn well pleased and ask him if he needed help packing.
And I'd put 911 on my speed dial and keep my cellphone in hand, because if isolation and intimidation doesn't work, the next step will be force and the minute he raises his hand to her (and he will) he needs to be put away for a good long time.

Answer 2

Gosh this is a hard one, and it's not fair that your friend's husband is making her choose between the two of you. Is there know way that there can be some middle ground. What if you went around to their house for dinner and you all talked about it. You could tell him that while you appreciate his views you and his wife are friends and your different religions shouldn't come into things. If you are not welcome in his house perhaps you can send a letter or card

The thing is he doesn't have good grounds for a divorce based on that. But if will seriously divorce her if he catches the two of you together I know that its hard, but maybe the two of you should consider not seeing each other for a while, and in the meantime you both could work on changing his mind. The thing is if he does catch the two of you together there is (I'm not saying that it will happen but) a chance that your friend will blame you for the break up of her marriage and you don't want that.

If I were you I'd get together with my friend and say that you do not want to be the cause of her marriage break up especially if he does find out and how would she like to progress. The depending on what she says I'd go from there. (I know that it's hard and totally unfair that she should have to choose, because if the situation was reversed what would her husband do). Point being the two of you need to sit down and decide quickly

Answer 3

Quite frankly, if it's solely a friendship, then she has some serious issues to consider. Threatening to divorce your spouse over a friend is rather extreme - as is trying to prevent your spouse from visiting friends.

My first recommendation would be, if your friend wants to stay in that marraige, that they talk to a counselor. Because what you want, at the moment, isn't as big of a deal as the fact that their relationship can't handle disagreeing over a friend.

As for you - I can totally understand that you don't want to be party to deceiving him. At the same time, it sounds like she really could use a sympathetic friend.

I would say, stay in the friendship, though do be cautious. And remember, that this is her decision too. If she is chosing to continue to be your friend - that means that she is willing to accept the consequences. She's an adult too.

Answer 4

Your friend isnt violating her vows by seeing you unless there are "benefits". If you are both sane adults then be friends. I would back off though if they have kids, you dont want to have played a part in their parents splitting up ( even if your friends hubby is a jerk). And obviously if he is dangerous then refer her to the proper authorities. blessings.