Need help please advise?

Question

my husband is cheating on me and i am sure he think i do not know but i did see the text messages he recieves from some girl. i havent approached him as yet and i do plan to approach him this weekend.he has seen how distant i have become and he is not even able to sleep he was up all nite
i am sure that is the gulit thatis keeping him up should i approach him right away

Answer 1

Well, the question is, what do you want? And what do you expect him to say when you confront him? and do you wish to stay married to a cheater? Here are a few things to think about:

Marriage is Respect, Admiration Passion and Trust. When trust is gone, the rest erodes, sometimes slowly, sometimes it all just blows up in your face as you are shocked to find out....... and it will be two years, before you get any of it back, even with counseling.

If he has cheated, and you say you are sure, he has betrayed your marriage, your trust--- he has shared his body and soul with another --- and betrayal, hon, is the deal-breaker in marriage ----THE ONLY deal-breaker. Your marriage can never be the same ---"Once a cheater, always...." will always be in the back of your mind, as well it should be.

When I found out mine had a girlfriend, I about vomited in his face...(I'm not kidding, I was that shocked, and revolted!!!) The idea of him touching me just turned my stomach, made my skin crawl---and until the house was sold, and I could get out of there, I stayed in the guest room.... I could barely look at him... there was no respect, no admiration, the trust was gone, and to have passion for him was just impossible.... the marriage was over. No way was I going to waste a minimum of 2 years trying to rebuild, all the time there being in the back of my mind "Once a cheater...." Moved out of the state, and never looked back. Found the prince who treats me like a queen.

You can try counseling, but understand that you can never unscramble an egg -- you can make other things with it, but it is now forever changed.
Be aware of this...don't know what your ideas are of what makes a marriage, but it should have all of those things above, plus lots of comfort, lovies, compassion, kind words, sharing, going plaaces together, enjoying conversations with him and friends, lots of laughing, and lots of tenderness. None of these things are possible when there is not trust...it's like someone ripped out your heart.

Frankly, it was easier to start over --- and I'm 55 out of an 18 year old marriage------ He was the absolute love of my life, and we had it all---$$$$ (lots of it), lovely house, cars, clothes, friends, power in the community, parties, traveled all over the world, all of it hon. Being miserable is not my idea of a good time, and the purpose of life is to be happy. He took that away, and I could never be happy being with him again. Yup, I was alone little more than a year... and it is again lovely to fall asleep in the arms of a man I adore, admire, respect, trust, and have passion for....a man I love.

Helpful? Hope this gives you a few things to think about.

Answer 2

Be certain that you know what you want from the approach. Are you trying to save your marriage or do you feel there is no way to go forward?
It sounds as though you have hard evidence, are you certain that the text messages are two ways. In other words be sure that he cannot have the position that the girl is the only one involved in this mess.
Then take your own TRUST temperature. Will you be able to live with his infidelity, or the possibility of it in the future.
You may also set as a goal for your approach...To have your husband convince you that this is a one time only event, and if you do not feel convinced, then what do you want to do?
If you feel that divorce or separation are a possibility...then be prepared to file first. Depending on which state you live in, it could be important to be a plaintiff and not the respondent.
This would require that you meet with an attorney before hand to "beat him to the Court house"
I hate to ever recommend that anyone meet with an attorney, but I have experienced the fall out from not being prepared.
Still only you can determine what you want to do IF?
Good Luck

Answer 3

When you aproach him dont atack him. If you are wrong you will never forgive youself. But make sure that he is truthful with you and get it over with as soon as possible then you can start healing with eachother or apart depending on what road you decide to take. If he is cheating then make sure that you call the shots which ever way you go.

Answer 4

I think you should approach the subject soon with him. The longer you wait the harder it will be. There is never an easy time to discuss something like this. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I think you should discuss the issue with him soon. Its not good for you both to keep secrets from each other. Try to find some time in the evening when you are both calm and relaxed if that is possible.

Answer 6

I couldn't wait if I were you. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Confront him right away. No one deserves to be lied to and put at risk for STD's because their partner can't be faithful. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I think you should do it right now! I know I would not be able to wait and I don´t think it would make it better . Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Are you trying to ease his guilt. Whats up with waiting to confront him anyways? I would get him NOW

Answer 9

approach him and ask whats going on and sit down and talk about it

Answer 10

i doubt it is the guilt keeping him up honey, or he wouldn't still be cheating.

i wouldn't even bother confronting him, if i was in this situation, which i was. i just packed my stuff and left. that's what you should do, he's gonna deny it anyway.