Okay I have a cousin who is like my best friend.... She was with this guy who treated her like crap and he never hit her but he did push her and drag her on the floor by her hair.... He then went to jail and now that hes out they have gotten back together and she knows that he hasnt changed because he still threatens her and he told her that he was goin to kill her if she ever got involved with another guy....and I really dont want to be apart of that anymore.... I dont want her with him because he is no good...... so would I be wrong if I made her choose???
2006-12-06 02:33:48 · 19 answers · asked by babygurl2002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
yes because u know that she wont be able to because her boyfriend will hurt her. thats selfish of u to want her to choose u knowing that u would be putting her life at risk.
2006-12-06 02:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is not the time to give her an ultimatum. It sounds like she has herself in a dangerous situation, but you should never make her choose between you and him. That won't solve anything. Tell her that you don't really want to be around him but you still want to be her friend. Try to get together , just the 2 of you a couple times a week and talk & do girl stuff. You should be able to keep your best friend and also this way you can sort of keep up with her and watch for signs of abuse. If you do see any, call a womens shelter or hotline to get some advise on what to do. You may have to go to the police. Be there for her...just not around him.
2006-12-06 05:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babygurl,
The ball is in your court! Giving her the ultimatum of choosing between you and her guy would probably alienate her. If you still want her as a friend it would be wiser for you to keep away from her when she is with him.(you have no need to witness the aggression) You have pointed out the dangers of her relationship to that loser and she has not listened. She'll have to learn on her own, but there is no reason why you shouldn't be there for her when she needs you!
Many times people who rely on the old fashioned ideas of dating and relationships end up enduring nasty situations, just because. Like I said; even though it is painful to see a friend go through this, there is nothing more you can do for her than you already have.
2006-12-06 02:43:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably leans on you for some support even though she'll have to make the decision whether or not she'll stay with him or leave him. She probably feels a fear that is keeping her with him with all his threats. It's a sad situation for you having to see how she's being treated by him as well as the treatment she is receiving from him. I'd say as her best friend you may want to suggest to her to seek help from those that can help her with this situation. Abuse centers and such. You may even want to call them and see what they suggest to do. That's about the best thing you can do for her. Having her choose I don't feel will do anything other then making her feel more stress, something she really doesn't need at this time. But then again you can only do so much. good luck to you on whatever decision you may make. ;o)
2006-12-06 02:46:10 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's obviously being dumb about this, and won't get it through her head until she gets beat again. I wouldn't severe all ties with her, because you will feel guilty (and i guess you should a little), but there is a point when you need to stop making attempts to change her.
It's her life. YOu can't change that or her decisions, but you can express, lastly and finally, that you completely disagree with her. Explain that you will no longer talk about him, and you no longer want to hear about him. Explain that if she ever brings him up again, it should be to tell you that she's come to her senses.
Until that day, and I'm sure it will come, if not soon than bruises and cuts later, distance yourself a little. You still need to be a cousin, you still need to be a friend, you still need to be supportive of what YOU feel is right. You wouldn't go and break a friendship (Esp family) because you didn't agree with who they were with, but you shouldn't have to clean up the mess when shes suffering because of her stupidity.
She needs to grow up, and you need to let her make her mistakes if she refuses to listen once you've put your 2 cents in. I dont know how old she is, but talk to her family, and maybe they can knock some sense into her.
Goodluck.
2006-12-06 02:40:35 · answer #5 · answered by m0o p!e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choosing in not the answer. Give her some solid advise and show her this:
How is your relationship?
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
2006-12-06 02:41:54 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara Jean 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you would be wrong ! Maybe you need to put yourself in her shoes for a minute.. scared, insecure, browbeaten, alone... should i go on? If you have never been in an abusive relationship before then you have no idea how she is feeling! Don"t make her choose because she will choose him, and he will get worse because you will not be there to protect her! Stay by her , she will eventually realize and she will leave him but it has to be on her time when she is ready, not because everyone keeps trying to force her. Keep trying to talk to her, keep loving her for her, keep being there for her,most of all stand by her.
2006-12-06 02:45:39 · answer #7 · answered by steishak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her how u feel and that u cant watch her make such a tragic mistake. tell her u love her and u will be there if she needs u but till she decides on her own that this is a bad idea that u cant really be a part of it anymore. don't shut the door completely because in the near future she will see how wrong this is for her and will want help to get out.
2006-12-06 02:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by skylinbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Might be a good idea to steer her in the direction of some good professional help rather than ask her to chose. If you are a good friend you need to be supported and stand by to pick up the pieces.
2006-12-06 02:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by lilygateau 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont make her choose between you and her boyfriend. Stay with her and hope that she realises her mistakes soon. she'll need u lots when the truth dawns on her. but dont ever give her the feel that you are one of her enemies now. love can really make one stupid. u must remember this! Goodluck and God bless you
2006-12-06 03:07:25 · answer #10 · answered by damain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋