About 18 months ago I divorced my husband after 18 years because of problems related to his borderline personality disorder. He was extremely abusive and neglectful. He would tell me repeatedly that he did not love me and that he was seeing other women, but then would deny it. I think he told me that he loved me three times in 18 years. That's the way it is with borderline personality disorder - they love you or they hate your guts - no in between and it changes minute to minute. I always believed that he loved me, but that he was insecure and because of his illness could not say it.
Anyway, I finally couldn't take it anymore and my self-esteem was shattered by the time I got out. I found that I dated a lot right after I got divorced because I absolutely craved male attention and approval. I needed to hear that I was sexy and desirable- and lovable.
The problem is this: I have been living with a man that I adore for seven months.
2006-12-06 02:29:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I was very content at first because he told me that he loved me several times a day - verbally, with cards, e-mails, etc...
Now that we have been together for a little while, I think that he still loves me, but the constant telling me has worn off a little and now he tells me less often.
Why can't I understand that he loves me and will stay with me even if he doesn't tell me constantly? I am so afraid of him abandoning me or changing his mid. I know it's because of the inconsistencly with my ex for so long, but how can I get it through my head that just because he doesn't tell me constantly, that he still loves me and will not leave? This causes me a great deal of anguish and sometimes I really panic about it and start with "what if" thinking about what if he is only staying through the holidays, etc.... This is hurting me so much. I want to believe, but I am afraid.
2006-12-06 02:34:01 · update #1
If you continue to be this insecure, you may end up pushing him away. If he is good to you and you trust him, then you need to let go of the little voice in your head that nags at you to worry about him leaving. You can do it, but it is going to take work on your part. His actions should speak louder than his words and if he shows you love every day then you should relax and enjoy the relationship/ If there's a reason you feel you shouldn't trust him (his actions) then listen to your heart and your gut and do what feels right for you. Be sure you get what you need from this man though and don't short change yourself. You deserve to be treated well.
2006-12-06 07:29:24 · answer #1 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to get down during the holidays. Drink more alcohol to get you through the rough times.
Coach
2006-12-06 10:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Thanks for the Yahoo Jacket 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have that exact problem, seek counseling. Good luck
2006-12-06 10:36:45 · answer #3 · answered by Joni J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋