We havn't said I love you in about 10 yrs. My sons are 11 - 4 . We have always been like roomates who have kids together. My wife and I don't really have anything in common, and I think its always been a cultural thing. I'm white and she's Hispanic. I realize now this has always been an issue under the surface.
I had a bad accident (near fatal) about a 18 months ago helping a stranded motorists and she never cried or said how terrible - things you'd expect from your spouse . She asked how long I'd be in the hospital ! She now has a decent job w/benefits. I'm thinking of making a move while I'm still realitvly young (41) and have most of my hair and teeth. I work in healthcare and a lot of females have expressed interest in my marital status. But, where do I start ? I want to sell the house and give her the money. Neither of us could afford it on our own. I know people have worse problems but this is such a hollow existence.
Sincere advice is appreciated
2006-12-06 02:28:19 · 28 answers · asked by coin-flip 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a divorce. There's nothing worse than being trapped in a bad marriage. Growing up in a loveless household doesn't do your kids any good either.........So tru, going thru that now, and im telling you it wont matter if your there for 2 or 20 years, if it isnt there, it wont be, get out and take the hit, then move on. You should know what you want by now at the age of 41.
Good luck.
2006-12-06 03:26:44 · answer #1 · answered by CALDW3L 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Being a child from a loveless marriage was worse than when my parents got divorced. If you two are sticking it out for the kids, you should think twice. Staying in a loveless marriage might be hurting them more than a divorce ever would. There are solutions. If you really care what your kids would want, then get a divorce but don't move far away from each other. It gives you the ability to find love but also you will always know your kids are close by should anything ever happen.
Obviously you feel like you need to end the relationship. In the end you have to look out for yourself at some point. There many ways to keep your kids happy as well as yourself.
Good Luck.
2006-12-06 02:39:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently in a relationship that is coming to an end for the same types of reasons. Making a big change like this will mean sacrifice and fear of the unknown ahead. Keep in mind that this existence you've come to know and dislike will be over and you will have a fresh start. You can do anything you like and take time to think about you and what your hopes and dreams are now that there isn't anyone else in the picture who requires your consideration. Stop wasting time and being miserable. There is a light at the end of every tunnel you just have to deal with the dark until you make it to the other side. Best Wishes!
2006-12-06 02:35:12 · answer #3 · answered by laura_lovely_sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, it's okay for you to ask advice. Most guys I know wouldn't give the ex's anything let alone the money from the house. You two need to sit and talk amongst a counselor. Tell her your feelings in front of one. If you feel empty or hollow inside, there's not much left, you need a fresh start, just date, don't remarry right away or you'll be in the same boat again. Just be truthful, it never hurts to be honest. Maybe she feels the same about you. Hey sometimes people grow apart, it happens. Also, don't start dating with co-workers, it will be a nightmare, I've done it, all it does is cause gossip. I think you'll do the right thing in the end. Good luck man
2006-12-06 02:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's about time you leave. It's a hard decision, and it's going to be a painful process. But you have to do it, for your own sanity. There's nothing in this world as bad as being in a relationship that you don't want to be in.
Find a place to live....a place that's safe for you, and where your children are welcome part time.
Sit down, talk with her, and tell her you're leaving. Considering her response with the hospital thing, it doesn't sound like she's going to be too offended.
Call an attorney to start the paperwork for a divorce.
The sale of the house, etc... that all comes later... Selling it now... doesn't do you any good. Also, with the sale of this house... it's nice that you want to give her the $$$... but really...haven't you put your share into it already? Why pay both child support, AND give her 100% proceeds of the house. You gotta take care of yourself too... for your sake, and your kids sake.
2006-12-06 02:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hollow existence-- Can you imagine that for yourself and for your kids? I would hope not! Kids need to see a healthy, loving relationship between their parents. have you spoken to your wife about this? Perhaps she is feeling the same? I don't really understand the culture part of the question. Are you "In Love" with your wife? I'm glad that you have gotten better after the accident. But it was life changing for you and it should have been for her too. I would have thought it would have brought the two of you together. Since if didn't think about moving on. Also, are you ready to jump into a new relationship so quickly?
2006-12-06 02:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mom2six 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can not help but notice that you mentioned other females. Are you sure that this isn't a part of the problem? After a bad relation with one female why would you want to try another one or two out so soon? Does your happiness depend on females?
Divorce always hurts the kids. I don't know why people deny it. Mommy and Daddy go their way, make new lives for themselves and their new partners while the kids are stuck picking up the pieces and adjusting. Have you tried counseling?
2006-12-06 02:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes no sense for you to step out on your wife until you try to communicate with her and really acknowledge that after two children together, you really do share something in common. That could improve if you stop worrying about how you are going to look 10 years from now. If you are tiring of being with the wife of your youth, how much more tired will you become of these other females who are now interested in -- more than likely , your money? Best wishes.
2006-12-06 02:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you even talked to her to see if she would like a split too? Maybe she does but feels bound by her vows.
You have to be happy, living in a miserable relationship isn't healthy for anyone, especially the kids. they pick up on vibes even if nothing is ever said. talk to your wife (for the first time in years?) and tell her how you feel, ask how she feels. leave out the part about other women finding you attractive, though, no sense in hurting your wife or "going there". Just make it about you and her not being happy. I hope you can have a decent split-up if you choose that route.
2006-12-06 02:37:49 · answer #9 · answered by Squirrley Temple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working in health care I would think you have to be semi-intelligent and wouldn't have to ask a whole bunch of total strangers what you should do.
Hey...if you have decided to leave, get a divorce, split the assets equally and move on.
As for your wife being Hispanic and this being a cultural thing....I don't buy it...most Hispanic folks I know are extremely family oriented.
You say "a lot of females" have expressed interest in your marital status"....gee this sounds more and more like a middle age crisis.
Guess a lot of folks won't like this answer but you post asking opinions...this is mine, and you are welcome to take it or leave it.
2006-12-06 02:35:41 · answer #10 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋