After 4 years of marriage he said he does not have a sex drive....I was shocked because I thought everything was ok.....I am 27 and he is 40.....does age have anything to do with this or is it me that he doesn't like anymore? :(
Does this mean he wants a divorce and find someone else? Will he get his sex drive back if he is with someone else? I told him if thats whats he wanted he could leave...is he just giving me a reason to divorce him? Is there anyway he could get his drive back?? Like I said this was news to me.....I am upset about it and feel like its my fault....I dont see what the prob is.....I am attractive and look after myself....I get hit on all the time.....so whats going on in my husband's head??
2006-12-06 02:02:53 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he is a healthy 40 year old and doesn't take any medication. he takes viagra sometimes.....he took more when we first married.
2006-12-06 02:32:37 · update #1
When I say I get hit on.....I am not getting myself in that situation.....I have been hit on several times when I am with my kids.....I got hit on in starbucks.....I don't go to bars and places like that....I am the faithful kind....and my husband knows that......he was there when I got hit on my an airline pilot at the hotel where we stayed for a conference.....this is to the answerer nanny....I don't get into situations....I love my husband and children....all I want for us is to be happy.
2006-12-06 03:05:03 · update #2
Don't make the mistake of concluding that it is because of you. I could be stress related or due to depression. It could be a lot of other things. The best thing you can do for him is help him pinpoint the cause. It could be that he doesn't even know. If he has never been evaluated for depression you may want to look into it - at least so that it can be ruled out. Major depression can kill a man's sex drive and if he doesn't realize he suffers from it both you and he may mistakenly attribute it to other external things.
2006-12-06 04:37:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Would have to talk to him to be able to answer this because too many things are missing. However, I am assuming that he simply told you that he doesn't have a sex drive - he didn't say that it was your fault nor did he say that he wants a divorce. Those seem to be your thoughts. I would suggest that you and he have a long discussion so you can both get your thoughts across to the other person. It is quite possible that the problem may be medical and the doctor may be the one for him to talk with. Be supportive and encourage him to talk - both to you and the doctor. Don't read things into what he says and if you do have questions, then ask him about them rather than asking us because he knows the answers while we can only guess. Good luck.
2006-12-06 02:11:31 · answer #2 · answered by nidan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I face this same problem. It just doesn't seem to matter at all. I think it is most likely stress related; every day stress has a cumulative effect and eventually your "sex fuse" just blows out or the circuit breaker clicks off. I think of going someplace else and doing something else but I am trapped where I am by responsibilities over which I seem to have no control; too many people to watch over and pick up the pieces from their mistakes. I often wonder just what in the hell they would do if I were not here? It just sort of grinds you down so that nothing really matters; one day is just like the last.
2006-12-06 02:31:59 · answer #3 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sex drives decrease as a person ages. Medications can reduce sex drives. There may be another woman that he is seeing. He probably needs to see a doctor to rule out any medical condition. There is always Viagra and other medications. If he is not willing to do this, divorce is probably the only answer for you.
2006-12-06 02:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is he taking any new medications?
Does he have diabetes?
Is he going through some stress at work?
Is he overweight?
If so, lack of libido can be caused by all of the above reaons.
Have you had a baby recently? Some men experience what is called the "madonna syndrome" , what it means is that a man should respect the mother of his children just like his own mother, so no s ex... this is very common.
If your husban is healthy and you have a good relationship, then you should investigate the root to the problem. Counseling and a good talk can help.
Good luck
2006-12-06 02:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm only 22 and married to a beautiful woman, but my sex drive has died off significantly over the last two years. It has nothing to do with her and there is no way in hell I'd ever cheat on her. We have a great sex life, it has just been becoming more difficult to get into the mood.
Many things can affect an individual's sex drive. Stress is usually the biggest factor. I suggest simply talking to him about it and don't blame yourself. It's hard enough for a guy to admit to his loved one that he has intimacy problems that prevents him from pleasing her. It is an ego destroyer.
Also, don't throw the "do you want someone else?" or "Am I not attractive enough?" lines at him. It will only brew anger and mistrust. Talk about it with him.
2006-12-06 02:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course it has something to do with his age. My goodness, you aren't even near your prime sexually, which is 35, and he's over 40! What were you thinking?
Now, none of this has anything to do with you -make sure you realize that. He needs to go see a doctor, get a referral to a urologist and get hormones, etc. checked out. There is hope. Be supportive of him, but don't pick on or nag him. Be positive, and things can still work out alright.
It is bothersome that you say you get hit on all the time - smarten up there, and don't get yourself into situations like that!!! Value your marriage and support your husband.
2006-12-06 02:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am over 40 and that isn't a problem with me. I hate to say, and I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like maybe he just doesn't have a sex drive at home. I can't picture a 40 year old dude with a loving 27 year old wife having that problem (or cheating for that matter).
2006-12-06 02:06:27 · answer #8 · answered by toff 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He could have a medical problem. Ask him to watch a porn movie with you maybe he can take Viagra and he should see a doctor if he wont do any of this then you might think of leaving him because he might be having sex with another women .
2006-12-06 02:12:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep on, Don't stop.
Get new sexy clothes, wear things he like and that may excite him.
Don't forget, you have children. Don't open the divorce subject with him. Just work on yourself more, and try to find things that excite him.
Maybe he needs some more excitement.
Wish you all the luck, but really take care for your love and for your family.
2006-12-06 03:54:33 · answer #10 · answered by GIO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋