MEN ONLY PLEASE. Why SHOULD I give him a second chance?

Question

He left me to be with another woman. He called it off with her. ( I know because we have mutual friends.) Yeah, I still love him. We have beautiful (hurting) children together, I am particularly interested in hearing from men who's wives gave them a second chance. I can't trust him, though, and I don't know that I can never bring it up again. Maybe in a year or so but not now. I am too hurt. What should I see and hear from him? Thanks.
(Or a wife who gave a second chance could tell me why.) Thanks.

I am only here because he wants to come back. 60 percent of me says "no"

Answer 1

You shouldn't. The kids will be fine, they'll get accustomed to their parents being apart, as half of American kids do, and they'll grow up with a little baggage from it, and might have little troubles with relationships, but hey, we all do.

Answer 2

I would suggest that you listen to the 60 percent of you that says no. He wants to come back why? Because if you and the kids meant that much too him, then this would have never happened to begin with. Sooooooo, he comes back until he finds someone else he can't live without? Naw,let him go and move on with your own lives. The kids may be hurting at this point,but, will they not be just as hurt the next time? No point in setting yourselves up for another slap - and I am also sure that he will promise it won't happen but isn't that like the promises he made when you got married?

Answer 3

If he still wants to be with you, my guess is that he thought the grass was greener on the other side, got out there and realized really quickly that he was wrong. Chances are that he missed YOU and all the amazing things that you did for him and with him. Also maybe he misses his children. I think you need to talk to him and ask him directly if he wants to come back and if so, what has changed that will make your relationship successful now. If he can give you some really good answers and you want him back then go back, but make it clear that you won't be stepped on or abused in any way. If can't keep it together now, then you are DONE with no coming back. Everyone deserves a chance if they realize what they have done. After all, you said you love him still... don't deny yourself love if there is a possibility that you can have something BETTER than before.

Answer 4

In the case of my parents my mother had given my father a second chance and he repeated the behavior, leaving her for a second time to be with a younger woman. If it has not been that long (less than a year) since he called it off with this other woman, then I would have to say no way should you let him come back. You have to be sure it is what he really wants and that he isn't just wanting to come back out of loneliness. He will profess all kinds of other things and may not even realize it himself. That is what happened in my father's case. Once they were back together and his loneliness had subsided, he strayed again. I would say, at the very least, make him wait a year.

Answer 5

If you still love him, the only way that you can get through something like this is through counselling. During this time, I would suggest not allowing him to live with you and the kids, but that he can come over and visit when he chooses to (as long as you are ok with that, of course).

If things go well and you feel that you will someday be able to forgive him, then you can take that next step and allow him back into the home. If not, then hand him the divorce papers and tell him that it's over.

Answer 6

I know you asked for men only...but I think that you should tell him that you aren't ready to give him a second chance. He has a lot to prove to you. Don't bring him back into your life before knowing for sure that he is going to be 100% faithful. I have been a situation like this. It has taken me a year to get over the hurt and am finally starting to trust my husband. It is hard and you have to watch every move....it is not fun. You have to really love him and believe that he is going to be faithful.

Becareful....and good luck!

Answer 7

Never married myself,but willing to give you an answer.
You say you love him,but what about him,does he really love you?
If he does,and you want to make it work this time,tell him your going to have to talk to each other daily.Not just small talk,but about everything.You've got children and it's better to have a family that can work things out, better then a family that just give up.Your not letting him of the hook.He's going to have to work damn hard to make this relationship right,and not just to work as a relationship.Trust is something earned to given.If he feels the need to plough an-others field, he is not going to just walk away.The family comes first, his need always comes second or third or even forth if required.He must remember this wedding vowes for better or worst not just the better and move on.

Answer 8

If you can not trust him then you should not give him a second change. I understand that you and the kids miss him but what good is going to come out of this if you cannot trust him. Any time he is 5 mins. late getting home you are going to think that he is with another women. That is not good for you. What happens if you take him back and he leaves you again? How is that going to affect the kids then?

Answer 9

Life is an iffy proposition at best. Men often do stupid things and regret them. Women are more perfect and think things through before they do stupid things. If you are perfect and can walk on water then show him the door. Otherwise consider it water over the dam and continue to row the boat with him. He probably regrets his mistake and your value in his eyes will take a big rise when you think beyond the present.

Answer 10

i am a wife who gave a second chance. my husband cheated on me and left me for the skank he cheated on me with(this was before we were married though). they were together for 8 months. about 4 months after they split i heard he'd joined the airforce. i still loved him so much and i at least wanted to say a final goodbye before he left forever. so i called him, fully intending to just see him once and say goodbye. well we ended up talking for hours and he was really sorry about what he'd done and hated himself even while he was doing it. and he had learned from what he'd done. and he wanted to try to gain my trust back. i told him he could try, but i couldn't guarantee he'd get it. after many tearful talks and angry talks and talks with his friends and family, i eventually began to feel i could forgive him and trust him again. but it took a LONG time. eventually i even was able to put it far enough behind me to accept his proposal and marry him. BUT it's not something you forget. i still have days when i feel hurt and angry. certain things make me think of it and ruin my whole day. but my husband is patient and understanding. he helps me through those days. if your ex is truly sorry and loves you, then let him prove it to you. don't be blind or gullible, but give him the chance to at least try. and if you begin to feel yourself trusting and forgiving again, make sure you can live with remembering that pain for the rest of your life. make sure that you won't hold it against him in your arguements for the rest of your lives. and make sure that he really is sorry and has learned from it. if you think he might do it again, don't take him back.

Answer 11

I cant answer this, because there are so many factors only you know, but not being able to trust, will be a hell you will put yourself through. I did this with ex for the sake of children, they'll do it again..