Am I crazy for wanting more affection from my wife?

Question

She's never been a very affectionate person. She hardly ever kisses or hugs me. Everything else about our relationship is great except this one area. It doesn't seem to be in her nature to display affection in this way but it is something that is very important to me. No matter how much I try to tell her that I would like more, she just can't or won't do it. She assumes that I just want more sex but that's not it. It's very frustrating and it's getting to the point where I can't take much more. I don't want to end up divorcing her over something like this. It irks me because I have had many girlfriends in the past that were more than happy to shower me with affection and I know I could easily find someone else now that would do the same. Whenever I bring up the subject, she rolls her eyes and says "Here we go again." She thinks I can never be satisfied but I'm like WTF?! There are girls out there that would kill to have their man be affectionate and I'm not asking that much.

Answer 1

It is hard for some people to show affection. I understand your want for affection. I am the same. I love a man to show me affection. I don't see why she can't be more loving. It wouldn't kill her to hug you or kiss you more often. It isn't about sex. It is showing a little love and attention to someone you love. Good luck. If she hasn't done it by now.........she probably never will. It isn't asking too much to have your mate show affection even if it is only at home. It may get to the point that you look elsewhere for your affection if you aren't getting it at home. Be careful what you do. When your wants and desires aren't taken care of at home, she should know what happens. If this is important to you, try to make her understand. If she don't then, I don't know.

Answer 2

Marriage ain't all about sex. Do not get me wrong it should be a part of it but it is not the only important part. Has she been abused sexually in the past or was sex something she used in the past to get what she wanted. Not to sound bad but something is obviously causing her to not want it possibly and that is where the repairs need to begin. There is no excuse for cheating. If after you have tried all other avenues and it just won't work out then for goodness sakes get a divorce before cheating. How would you feel if she was to cheat on you? I already know the answer to that by the way but I had to say it because it is how you should look at it when the thought crosses your mind to cheat. Never lower your standards to make an excuse for cheating. There is no excuse for cheating. I can promise you that any married woman will agree even if most men do not.

Answer 3

Neither you are crazy nor she. From your statement, its clear that she is a good wife to you except that she is not expressive . The problem is that you are carried away with scenes where the wife affectionately hugs and kisses the husband!! In real life, it may not be so expressive. She is an introvert and does not believe in expressionism/exhibitionism.I feel this problem is to be tackled within your bedroom where you take the initiative to express your love( not sexual desire). When she comes out of the bath, give her a small hug and smell her body and appreciate by your eyes. When she gives you a good sex, cuddle her into your chest and make her sleep like a child in father's lap.Appreciate with a gentle tap on her back when she does something good. So on and so forth. Never raise this subject of demanding expressiveness from her. Slowly bring her to give back what you have given her!! There are many ways to express your love & desire to her. Do it in plenty and slowly she also will start reciprocating that.In the heart of heart understand that she is not an expressive characyer but she cares for you with all her life!! All the best!!

Answer 4

You're not crazy for wanting more affection, but it is wrong of you even to consider divorcing her for this reason. She's "never" been affectionate, yet you chose to marry her anyway. Therefore, her lack of affection must not have been very important to you before. It only seems to be so important now because you're telling yourself it is. Stop focusing on this one thing, and instead remind yourself, many times per day, about all the wonderful qualities your wife DOES have that made you fall in love with her and want to marry her. Your anguish results not from your wife's personality defect, but from your choice to focus so heavily on it.

Answer 5

Wow, Been There.
The only approach that even got close on this subject was to point out that she needs affection and attention why does she think you are so different.
The attitude that guys do not need affection back must come from her childhood somewhere. Take a look at her parents relationship, or lack of one, and determine if that could be the cause.
Nothing causes more change than comparing her to her mother.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

No you're not asking for too much. It's hard to say WHY she is like this. She might not even know herself. But really, if she just isn't "feeling it" do you want fake affection? I mean, a hug or kiss with no emotion behind it is meaningless, and to me, would be even more frustrating. She may need some counseling, but alot of people won't go due to the negative stigma attached to it. If she refuses counseling, then YOU GO. You're going to need some help dealing with this and to help you decide whether you EVEN CAN deal with it. I wish you luck.

Answer 7

Is this a surprise to you? You said she was never an affectionate person, obviously that means when you met her, however long ago that was. Women rarely get MORE affectionate with age, in fact, in the menopausal ages, (which can start as early as mid 30's) and beyond, you'll be lucky if she even talks to you. Notice the signs when you're 'drifting apart". If she does't want to even listen to you, move on.

Answer 8

My husband used to be the same way. He used to lack affection and it used to bother me a lot. I always complained to him about it. He never left me though, and I never left him. It was the only part in our marriage that disturbed me, but every thing else was perfect. Therefore, I wasnt going to leave him at all because of that. I sat down and asked him why he always lacked affection toward me. His father which whom he was raised by, never showed him affection. Which makes sense because when you are a child the way you grew up tends to stick with you throughout your older years. The only way that I got my husband to become affectionate towards me is by doing the same to him. When he would want to hug me, I would say, I dont feel like it. Or kiss me, I dont feel like it. And every time he would do this, I would say "I dont feel like it because when I want affection from you, I dont get it, its always when you want. So how does it feel? Do you like that you want to hug me or kiss me and I dont?" This eventually caught on to him and he has become more affectionate to me than before. I am not saying that you should do this, but it is an option. Try to express to her why you hate this. Use passion in your words. Express to her how much you love her. Let her know she lights up your world and you need to FEEL that she thinks the same. I dont think that if this is the only problem with your marriage that you should consider divorce. If you truly love her, you should stick with her. Surely you must've known this when you married her. If she is the love of your life, try to work it out.

Hope this was helpful.

Answer 9

I have the same problem with my husband. He's not usually very affectionate, but I've notcied lately that if I tell him that I like it when he does certain things, he ups the amount of times he does it. I love it when he kisses me on my forhead, so I told him a few months ago. Now he does it just about every day, and when he does, I let him know in some way that I still really like it(big smile, hug, etc.). When she does certain things let her know you like it.

Answer 10

Maybe her parents weren't too affectionate with her growing up so she doesn't feel compelled to do it.. It may just be a personal issue with herself..It may be up to you to initiate it. I'm sure she would give the affection back if you went up to her and started it. Good Luck dear..