like i said he is married and promises me that he is getting a divorce. he wants to be with me, but he hasn't started it. he calls me i can never call him. tells me that i am his soul mate. anyone with this same problem. need to know if i am wasting my time. or is it true married men do lie..........or do they mean it from there heart they are divorcing???????......just so they can have there cake and icing too.... do they really get a divorce and come to us?? hello anyone help help please! i know i should just walk away, but i do love him so much... and he says he loves me and wants only me.... he treats me good but its the lies that hurt the most and the waiting him to have the papers done signed and sealed..... ty lilly
2006-12-05 23:34:19 · 44 answers · asked by lilly p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
stay away from him, until they are at least seperated. So many men say they are going to get divorced, just so they can keep their mistress. dont be that mistress.
2006-12-05 23:37:00 · answer #1 · answered by jeanjean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you my experience. I don't know how helpful it will be to you. When I was 17 I met this really nice guy called Mick who was quite a bit older than me. I was seeing somebody else at the time but when we split up Mick and I started going out. I was 18 by then and he was 33. Then I discovered he was married and had a son. His wife knew about me and he said the relationship was over, they just lived in the same house. He later admitted that wasn't exactly true.
Well you can imagine how my parents felt, they said he was too old, that he'd never leave his wife. At the time I wasn't really sure what to do. I mean he was married and had a child, they had been together for 12 years. But she didn't seem to object too much and neither did he so I thought I'd see what happened. Everybody, without exception, told me the relationship was a mistake. At best I would be hurt and at worst I would break up a family.
I'll cut a long story short. I'm 42 now, Mick is 57 we have been married for 22 years (much longer than he was married to his first wife) and have 2 beautiful daughters. We are extremely happy. I don't know about your relationship. I do know people will tell you all sorts of stuff, but you need to follow your heart.
2006-12-05 23:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that I have never seen the husband go through with the divorce to be with the lover. Even if he did, could you ever really trust him? If he'll cheat on his wife, he'll do the same to you. Leave this guy alone to work his own life out. He's using you for now, but if he has a wife and kids and a home, he has too much to lose to leave. You can meet someone single if you just give it some time. Don't you think he told his wife that she was his soul mate too at some point? Rethink this situation before your heart gets broken. The guy is married and is a bad husband...what makes you think he'll be different as a boyfriend?I wish you luck and hope you make the right decision for you.I just have to add that I don't agree with calling his wife unless of course you want to be part of the whole divorce proceedings. If she does find out about you, she could file under adultery and your name could be all over the court room. Think hard about this decision.
2006-12-05 23:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hon, if he hasn't divorced yet is because he doesn't mean to, and you are becoming his whore. He might be thinking why buying the cow when I can have the milk for free? All he has to do is turn your head and VOILA! you spread your legs. Sorry for my crudeness, but that's how he sees you. He treats you good because you satisfy his one need. But his actions contradict his words in a huge way.
My reccomendation? You decide if you'll take this advice or not. But I'd tell him with brutal honesty how I feel and how toyed I'm being by him. I'd demand from him to look for me when the divorce is set and done. And until then this would be a goodbye. You have to be strong to not even call him. If he really needs you (which I highly doubt is love), he'll be calling you. If not, there's your answer.
I know it must be hard for you since you love him to the point of idolizing him. But come to think of it; what guarantees you he'll be loyal to you, when he's cheating on his wife? How do you know for sure he won't do the same to you? Is this what you really REALLY want? Search your heart deep inside and try to put your hormones aside to think with your brain instead. Remember, once cheater is always a cheater. And he's doing what men do best: LIE.
Is this what you're looking for? You gotta be strong. I know is hard, but is not impossible. I nearly lost my mind, but I could pull out successfully. Now I look back and I don't regret it.
2006-12-05 23:56:15 · answer #4 · answered by M'lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wise up and ship out. He is not going to divorce his wife to be with you. For him, you are a play toy and believe me, when he gets tired of you he will push you aside and find another. I'd be willing to bet you are not the first "other" woman he has cheated on his wife with and you won't be the last.
Why would you want to be with someone who can't give you his all? You can't call him, you can't go see him, you have to be careful where the two of you go for fear of being spotted by someone you know or who knows him. What kind of relationship is that? Don't you think you deserve someone who doesn't have to lie and sneak around to spend time with you? Think about this: He's married and is seeing you. That right there should tell you he's a liar and a cheat. He promised to love, cherish and be faithful only unto his wife.
If he cheats on her what makes you think he won't cheat on you?
How could you ever trust him? He doesn't love you. He love the idea of having the best of both worlds. You yourself said his lies hurt. Why would you stay with something or someone who causes you pain? Forget him and find someone who has some idea what "true" love is.
2006-12-06 00:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You ARE wasting your time.
2. Married men lie to get what they want from you.
3. Only they know if they really intend to get a divorce.
4. Some marry their mistress, but the odds are against it.
5. Wait til he shows you the divorce degree and then you can believe him.
2006-12-06 00:04:20 · answer #6 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up and smell the coffee ..er, rat.
This great guy you speak of is not so great that he does not cheat on his wife. That does not indicate a lot of honesty from his side.
You may want to rethink being with around him at all much less after the divorce. Lets see he lies to his wife by cheating, AND he has been lying to you about the divorce.
When you were much younger did you dream about your possible mate lying to the women in his life all the time? If so, don't change a thing.
2006-12-05 23:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are really wanting help from the people who answered your question then follow their answers! I was in the same boat as you are now. I can't tell you how many times he told me he loved me, the marriage is over, no way is he going back to her. HE LIED! If you need me to tell you all the things my supposedly divorcing man said to me, email me. I went thru this for 2 years. Guess what Ty, he went back to her. Left me with a very broken heart. My suggestion to you is DO NOT get involved with this man until the papers are signed. You tell him that if he wants to call you and if you are still interested, call you when the ink is dried on those papers. I am telling you he is only saying this to get what he wants.......everything without the hassles. Please do yourself a HUGE favor and stop this now. They do not leave their spouses.
2006-12-06 12:02:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think that when he divorces his wife he wont do the same thing to you? Have you thought about that? He says he is going to divorce her, someone who wanted to divorce their spouse will not only leave the home and rent their own place but divorce as soon as possible. It is obvious that he is not going to do neither of this. Get out of this relationship before you end up getting serious emotional scars from this guy. Or you can do as one person stated, call him and tell him "If I am your soulmate, you know what to do. When you FILE for divorce, let me know. In the meantime, dont call me anymore!"
2006-12-06 01:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Leyanis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, take it from a married wife, he will not leave his wife...All this man is doing is stringing you along til he gets tired of you....
Look at it this way, if he loves you and you are his soulmate, why haven't he left yet? Think about it....Men cheat for temporary happiness outside the home and to try some new nookie...
I can tell you this, married men will tell you what you want to hear til you are used all up...It is not worth dealing with a married man, it will not work as he will not leave a sound foundation and start all over again...
2006-12-06 01:33:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, tis is my advice yo you, boot that zero out of your life, if you wait 10 years for him to divorce his spouse, i'm willing to bet he will still be making excuses. so don't waste your time, after he's done using you, he goes home to his wife, where he intends to be, and most likely , if he does divorce his wife, it won't be for you, a good guess is , he's not only cheating with you on his wife, but most likely is telling some other woman the same thing he's telling you. So Hun, get your own life , and don't have great expectations from him.
2006-12-05 23:44:19 · answer #11 · answered by mlnsha115 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋