Why do the couple think about divorce? If they have to divorce at all why should they marry?

Question

Is not the relationship of marriage has some principles of giving up something to take something and accepting the life partner with all his/her plus and minus points? Why don't people understand that accepting the partner would reduce seperations? Is the main reason, lack of understanding between the couple or the lack of adjustments / compromises?

Answer 1

Its a very good thought provoking question specially for those couples who find divorce the only mean to get rid of hatred amongst them self. Lack of adjustment/compromise/understanding as you have pointed out are the real reason for breakage of matrimonial home. Now which couple never fight amongst them self? All do. Then why only few breakup completely & most live happily? Simple reason as you have pointed lack of understanding/compromise/adjustment. I specially feel sorry for those people who have kids & still think & go about with divorce. What a bad impression such kids have after their parents seperate completely neither of them realising about them. Marriage is not only legal or moral affair it is the true love, understanding, adjustment & even compromise between two people. I have answered many questions where people are thinking of divorce on petty reasons & even told them that even law does not recognise their reason as fit ground for divorce. There is always an aurgument why divorce laws are not made more easier the reason against it is that not even our legislature wants matrimonial homes to break on petty reasons. I personally believe there should not be any divorce untill & unless there is complete break down of marriage beyond repair. For the younger generation who are going to get married soon my advice is to please dont marry if you dont understand the responsibility attached to this affair , its not simple get together of relatives or friends but a very serious social cause which binds you to another person till your death, as it is said in christian marriages till the death apart us we unite as husband & wife.

Answer 2

Hi, I personally don't think that there is a real reason and a valid explanation on why a couple divorce. I see my parents fight very often but still together after 34 years of marriage and i seen my self divorce after 3 year's. Now can be easy blame one of the 2 parts but off course should be some reasons. Divorce happened not only in the arranged marriage but they do happend also in the love marriage. Mistakes? Once you decide to take steps like marriage cannot be a mistake, maybe a wrong decision at the time but never a mistake. People divorce? Right but many people they don't iven get married because afraid to loose freedom, integrity etc... Sometimes a couple after they divorced they become more friend than before and this make me think that just they have tooken a wrong decision, they tought that them love for eachother was ready to go one step ahead without think at the numerous thinks which they would had to renounce after say the fatidic yes. I personally think that the marriage as paper is just a paper but the love cannot be decided by a world or a paper. Now i am married happily, loving my wife more and more day by day and loving my kidds more than my life. What i have learned from my experience? That before i was completly blind from the love and afraid to be alone, than i have learned that love cannot go without passion and without be mature enough to assume your responsability. Remeber always Marriage is an important step and you need to feel sure if do it or nor and once you will decide yes you need to change and come down at thye compromise which the life has in serve for you. I hope this will help you. Cheers

Answer 3

When you get married the last thing you think about is getting divorced..
Accept for movie stars.. that seems to be all the rage.

I guess this question would come from someone that isn't abused in a marriage for 1-2 or 15 years.
What its wrong to leave someone that is hurting you.
You have personal rites as a human being on this planet.

Should you just stay because you signed an agreement to be with that person, sure i can understand that.. But I'm sure alot of the ladies and even men that have been abused would also say,,, It never said anything about being mentally or physically abused.

and then have someone pull out of the marriage because they just couldn't take another beating or abusive partner.

Yes why didn't they see it before they got married..
Well maybe the actions were not there before they were married.
Its amazing what signing a piece of paper can do to a person.

marriage is give and take... break down normally comes about when one person takes more than the other can keep giving even after many years of sticking to it because... they don't want to be a statistic.

Answer 4

In an ideal world then yes, marriage would last til "death do us part", but in real life that does not happen. Most people do not go into marriage thinking that their marriage will end, sometimes it happens that way. I have been married twice, and both times my husbands cheated on me, and both have since said it was not something I was doing wrong, rather they met someone else they connected with better than me. The main reason for divorce is that people always think they are missing out on something, and instead of looking to their partner to fulfil their needs they look elsewhere to meet their needs,they think their partner should be able to read their minds and know what they want, but communication is the key, how can you expect someone to know what you want or need if you don't talk to them about it? Some people also have no will power or loyalty, so when some tart offers it to them on a plate they take it without thinking about the hurt they are causing.

Answer 5

I disagree that arranged marriages don't work, love marriages also break. It is not the question of love or arranged marriage. Nobody wants a broken marriage. One of the reason is that when they get marriaged everthing seems nice for sometime, after some years they get angry with the same things they enjoyed before and fight begins, argument continues etc. etc... Some more reasons are misunderstanding, suspect the character of their partner. I feel marriages work only if there is love, understanding and compromising mentality between both of them. If only one person does all the adjustment then there will be a full stop to the marriage at some time.

Answer 6

You have asked a good question and answered it very well too. There are several serious reasons for going for divorce. I wouldn't delve into the frivolous ones where one partner seeks divorce because the other snores loudly in his/her sleep. Couples go for divorce when the marriage is no longer sustainable. That should mean that they have tried their best to make their marriage work before opting for that unpleasant decision. Modern couples go for divorce for reasons ranging from incompatibility and infidelity to ego problems. You have rightly asked as to why they should marry to end in divorce. Whatever happened to marriage vows? I personally think that there is no problem which can't be solved by sitting face to face. Of course the will to find a solution must exist. Considering that divorces in India are resorted to by the educated and well heeled classes mainly, I'd think that they lack patience, are far too self centered to make compromises or sacrifices and on the whole have an escapist mentality. All these are the antithesis to a happy married life.

Answer 7

You're right - you take the good along with the bad, the faults along with the pluses.

However, more peope today are looking for their "ideal" and they have this mental image whether they realize it or not. Newsflash - your ideal is just that, an image! Your ideal partner only comes with working at a relationship.

You have to be happy with yourself in order to happy with someone else. Your not perfect, why would you expect the other to be?

Not only that, but communication plays the largest role in a relationship. If you don't talk, how can you expect the other to know what you feel?

Lack of understanding and adjustments/compromises are two of three reasons - the third being communication. If these three components aren't present, your relationship is doomed!

Answer 8

You are totally right...I think you have hit the nail on the head....If we could just accept our partner which means respecting each others differences then there would be less divorce. Unfortunately though, not a lot of people hold these opinions. It seems when a person says "I do", it is some form of admission that you now own each other. It is very common to have that concept...He is mine and I am his, therefore there are no longer two people in the relationship, just one...and it is usually the stronger personality that wants their spouse to see and do things the way he/she expects. The way he/she was raised to think. In a perfect world with no jealousy, with together confident people, what you are talking about would happen.. We dont live in a perfect world...all of us are raised with different ideas, ideals and values...when your partner doesnt hold the same views the usual response is to try to talk him/her around to your way of thinking instead of just accepting and respecting that your partner has their own views on what they think are right too. It happens very rarely and the "ownership" factor seems to set in in the majority of marriages. Thats just how it is, and until we can stop this mentality and maybe change the marriage vows to say something about accepting and respecting their spouse for who they are and cut out the bit that says that two become one....it is misleading and is certainly giving newly weds the wrong ideas....It kinda says they own each other now and if they cant become one, then there is something very wrong. Marriage is a direct result of God...the traditional vows are thousands of years old...and does not take into account to huge differences in how we think these days. If women's libbers didnt come along and set women free, then maybe the old Christian vows would still work. Change the wedding vows, and maybe it will change the attitude of people who decide to marry. Counsel them before marriage telling them of the expectations of both parties involved taking into account that no two people will always see eye to eye on everything, and neither party has the right to push their beliefs, their expectations onto their spouse. Maybe then, if the roles of both husband and wife were clearly explained including neither one being allowed to own the other person, maybe they would know acceptance and respect is also a part of the marriage vows and less divorce would result. Communication, acceptance and respect will lead to trust and lead to all the other wonderful experiences a husband and wife should share together...there is a difference between being together and being one. People need to learn the differences. A marriage should be between two equal parties. They should be partners, having equal say, having equal rights. That rarely happens in marriages these days. I think the vows as they were written in Jesus's time was man based...In the Bible...the man is the head of the household, and if taken literally, it doesnt give many women rights at all..it kinda allows a man to beat up on their wife. Marriage is wonderful with two equal people, but unless the Christian Leaders recognise that Marriage now is totally different than it was even 30 years ago, then divorce will always be the only way a person can get out of a one-sided relationship. They entered into a Christian contract, and if they dont hold Christian beliefs then they should expect trouble. The Bill of Rights....Independence for Women.....Free speech for everyone changed the values of the traditional marriage....that is why the divorce rate is so high. People are more independent these days, they are busier, the cost of living is far greater now than it was 30 years ago...everything has changed.....except the Christian contract we call the Marriage Certificate. Thats why they had to legally bring in the Divorce Certificate, so as it could give a person an out. If you are not a believer of God, if you dont follow the Bible, then why on earth sign a Christian Contract if you are not prepared to follow the rules of the Church?

Answer 9

I truly believe there is so much divorce because of lack of commitment to working through the good and the bad times together. When couples have problems many times they turn away from each other and look to friends and family for their emotional needs to be met, or worse, someone else. When you have troubles as a couple you should turn toward each other and work it out together. If people were more commited to making their relationships work, there wouldn't be such a high divorce rate.

Answer 10

Lack of understanding, Compromises, adjustments,care, love all these things are the causes not only in the arranged even in love marriasges
They hide their originality and pretend good in love and later theywhen they come to know the reality they are not ready to accept it.
This is the basic cause if they stay original there won't be any problem