How do i do it?

Question

have been unhapily married for the last 4 years. have a daughter aged 3. Everyday in those 4 yrs i knew my marriage was wrong and i wanted out. I didnt do it coz of lack of guts. wondering what to tell hubby and also thinking abt what other people wud say.

but now i have said 'nough is 'nough and i have looked for an apartment and paid for and furninshing it now.

my problem is how do i now end this? how do i tell hubby am moving out. i have come this far i cant back off in my plans.

please help

Answer 1

Your husband would have to know or sense that you are unhappy. Even though he may not have said anything, I dont believe anyone can stay unhappy and the other party doesnt know about it...he would know in his heart that you are not happy. You just have to take a deep breath and tell him. You have already decided to go, so you are going, no ifs or buts and he needs to know as soon as possible. Maybe just tell him the truth...that you knew the marriage was a mistake from the beginning but you tried to stick it out, you tried very hard. You can also say that you care about him very much, but you dont love him as a wife should love their husband. Just say that it is totally unfair on him that you stick around because if you stay then he will end up unhappy. Tell him that he deserves to be loved properly and by you staying you are preventing both of you from finding true happiness. It is the truth when you look at it because if you cant love him the way he deserves to be loved then you really are doing him a disservice by staying. If you can look at it like that and show that you have his interests at heart as well, then it will be a lot easier. You are doing the right thing...You gave it a good shot and it failed....good on you for trying. It is no body elses business. This is between you and your husband and if you are not happy and havent been since you married him, then the best bet is to leave. Your daughter would eventually pick up on your unhappiness, so dont be railroaded into feeling bad if he tries to make you feel guilty about staying for the daughters sake. No child has ever been able to make a marriage happy. If he threatens to harm himself, which is very common when one party doesnt want the relationship to end. You just have to be very firm, and while it may upset you, Just say to him...I cannot be responsible for the choices you make in your life....you have to be responsible for those yourself. You have a right to be happy too. You cannot live your life through the feelings of another person. If you stay out of responsibility only, you will end up hating him. I think you are doing the right thing...you are leaving because its the right thing to do for all of you. You are accepting responsibility that you made a mistake, and that in itself is a good thing because you are not blaming him for how you are feeling. You are being responsible and sensible in my opinion, and you are thinking of his happiness as well, even if you dont think so. You are leaving and allowing him to find someone who can love him like we all deserve. We are only on this earth for such a short while, and if you arent happy, then at least you are not going to waste the next 20 years staying out of responsibility. Then when 20 years comes you will be so caught up with responsibility that it will be near impossible for you to leave. Dont waste the rest of your life feeling guilty. Your husband will be hurt...that is a given, it cant be helped, but we all have to deal with hurt at some time in our life....it makes us become strong and capable. Your husband, with time, will learn all about himself and probably realise that you did both of you a favour by moving out. He may not think like that now, but give him time to come to terms with it, and eventually he will find happiness as I hope you do too.

I wish you all the best for your new life. Your husband will get over this, but you cant put off telling him any longer. Just another suggestion...when you tell him, have your things ready to leave and your new place ready for you to move in. You have decided to go, and you just need to walk out the door if he starts begging you to stay....I hope he doesnt do that. He needs to be man enough to accept that sometimes mistakes get made and people fall out of love. If he really loves you, then he will want you to be happy. Maybe it wont be as bad as you are thinking it is going to be. Just take a deep breath and do it...its the only way.

Answer 2

Move First! then he will know, if not then call him, never ever tell a man ur leaving him! who knows what's going on in that head of his! he could be hurt by it, and when ur hurt, the mine over power the heart, think about this he could kill u are hurt u really bad! after u do this don't go around him until he gets over this!!!

Answer 3

The Best thing to do is be sincere and honest,because it will only make things worse to sugar coat it. I would suggest staying single for a while though.

Answer 4

How would you want it handled if the shoe were on the other foot? Honestly, civilly, and with care and respect for someone whom with you are always going to be connected to via your child? Of course, you've already "gone" (emotionally), don't you think it's time to tell him?
And please, please, don't let your child be hurt anymore than a divorce already will, don't let your child be used (by either of you) as a "weapon" to hurt the other..If it's done, it's done, be as you would want done for you..God Bless

Answer 5

Just tell him that things arent working out for you, and that you want to seperate for awhile to see how things go, but just say that, so that you can leave, then file for divorce,.

Answer 6

you should tell your hubby how you feel. If he loves you he will respect your decision. Tell him that you have this alot of thought and you need to make yourself happy.

Answer 7

wow that had hapen 2 me and i was piss off hard so have fun telling him .....