There are times when a couple cannot agree, or they simply feel differenty, which is understandable and basically inevitable IMHO. My problem is that my spouse wants me to feel differently, tells me that my feelings are stupid and wrong and tht is why he doesnt consider them, care about them, or change his course of action in order to protect them.
I can't even imagine ignoring his feelings for ANY reason and it amazes me and hurts a great deal that he would be so dismisive as to say that my (or ANYONES) feelings are wrong and therefore irrelevant.
If it is natural and normal to behave this way, how can I accept it? If i am not alone in my view that this is hugely uhealthy for our marriage and my sanity then how can I get him tosee that?
2006-12-05 18:49:36 · 6 answers · asked by robet_vegas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't accept it, because it's not right. Normal is another issue, as there are a lot of people (women too) who dismiss other people's feelings because they don't feel the same. It is hugely unhealthy for the marriage and if he plans on staying married, he should be aware of how you feel. He won't change overnight --and maybe not at all-- but at least if he knows he has the opportunity to do something about it.
My husband and I have differing opinions about a lot of things, but at least we respect each others opinions, even if we may never agree with each other.
2006-12-05 19:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can't, and that's where the problem lies. You're essentially hoping to change him, and you can't do that.
For the record, feelings are never wrong. Irrational, yes. Illogical, yes. But never wrong. Feelings are based on the emotions we're dealing with, and since you have no control over that, your feelings are never wrong, and he is completely wrong to dismiss yours so easily.
This is one of the major problems that led to the downfall of my marriage, my partners willingness to so easily ignore, dismiss or ridicule my thoughts, feelings or opinions. It's a character trait, part of them, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
You've spoken to him about it, obviously. You've told him it hurts you, and he continues to do it. That right there is your red flag. He simply does not care. If he knows it hurts you and continues to do it, then the only deduction you can make is that he doesn't care. Your feelings aren't important to him .. at least not as important as his own.
This will only get worse.
I wish I could give you a better outlook, or more hope, but this is the truth of the matter. If he doesn't want to change this part of himself willingly, then you are left with the choice of what to do. We can't change a persons actions, we can only change how we choose to react. I put up with mine for 9 years, then changed how I reacted to it. I left.
What you do of course is up to you. Suggest councelling and see if he would be willing to attend with you. Perhaps hearing that what he is doing is wrong from an objective party, like a therepist, would help him understand. If he's not willing to attend councelling with you however, you're left with 2 options. Put up with it, or leave.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-05 18:56:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jaded 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are not alone, and your feelings do matter and are as 'worthwhile' as his... you can't 'argue' with how someone feels anyway, you feel how you feel and you are entitled, although thinking and feeling are connected they are not the same thing...anyway, I believe, in a healthy marriage, you do not disregard someone Else's feelings just because they don't agree with your own...this shows a lack of respect...should you accept it? that is up to you. Is he treating you with all the respect you deserve, from what you describe, no...if you can have a calm, civil discussion on the matter and he still is dismissive of your feelings...you need to decide if you want to accept and/or tolerate that ...psychological counseling might help...If he won't go, then you go alone...Best of Luck!
2006-12-05 19:18:33 · answer #3 · answered by kewtber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Mrs. Doormat, you need therapy and a good lawyer. And your husband needs a whack upside his head.
2006-12-05 18:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by Voodoid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thrash it out with him. Get it out of your chest. Keeping it in will make you explode eventually.
2006-12-05 22:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its NOT normal......and you dont accept it. TELL THIS A@@ that he doesn't have to agree.... but atleast respect your opinion...
2006-12-05 18:52:57 · answer #6 · answered by Morena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋