We've been together for 6 years. Within 2 wk period my partner has taken on a new girlfriend from work and dumped me without any consideration - BUT he wants to live under same roof as me, come 'home' a few nights a week when he's not staying with the new girlfriend. I can't believe that he can stop loving me 'over night' and begin treating me like I don't exist. She gets all the attention now. Is this normal behaviour? How can someone do this? Surely you can't just ignore six years and just move on without any grieving process. There was no signs of this happening, we were talking of a life journey together. Please any ideas, I'm devastated!
2006-12-05 18:43:15 · 25 answers · asked by Joanne 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know how hurt it would be but you need to move on, really. Staying in this unhealthy relationship could make you die faster than you should. There are many pleasant things in this life that are worthy for you, especially a new man.
If you could afford it, maybe it's better for you tp move out. if it's your house, ask him to move out. It's better to leave him and never look back.
He may have an affair with her for a while ago. I don't think people could forget the 6 year love within 2 weeks. Anyway, it's better to know now than 2-3 more years later.
You could give him a chance but please don't allow love to blind you and let him treat you this bad again.
Love you self best and tke care of your heart
Good Luck
2006-12-05 19:36:42 · answer #1 · answered by Sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear... although this appears sudden to you, I am sure it has been brewing with him for a long time. He may well have been with her for a lot longer and only now come out with it, thus the appearance of a 2 week relationship.
I wish there was something I could say to soothe you, but all I can offer is this; if he's going to be with someone else, then he needs to GO be with someone else, and not expect to come "home" because that is no longer his "home".. This may be a midlife crisis and have happened in a whirlwind, but after six years, believe me it only SEEMS sudden - but isn't really. Ask him calmly what happened and how long he's been feeling this way - then tell him he needs to choose. You cannot begin healing if he's still around, and neither will he truly feel how much is missing without you if you're still around... Stay calm. The battle may be lost, but the war is far from over..
This war is now about your sanity also. Gather around friends, fill your life with them, and with new activities even if right now its the last thing you want to do. You will experience a period of mourning and that's okay - allow yourself to grieve. You may even decide you're not going to give up on him and that's your own business, its for no-one to judge. But you have to give yourself distance from him to digest what has happened, look back and see if there were any signs, and where you both went wrong. If he was just being an a** then you will move on. If not, then put your game plan together and fight. No-one can steal your hope, only you can give it away, no matter what else ANYONE says!
2006-12-05 18:57:26 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understandably, for you this is a shock, but he's been hiding his feelings and agenda for a while now. He hooked up with the new girl before he dumped you, so for him it's didn't just end 'over night'. He's not grieving because he has deliberated and adjusted to his course of action and to deal with the guilt in a form of denial. Is it normal...well, it's cruel, but not necessarily abnormal. His way of handling it is to pretend like it's no big deal because he doesn't want to face the fact that he betrayed you. Nevertheless, it is over.
What is strange is that he wants to continue to live together as roommates? I'm thinking that there must be a financial arrangement or some advantage for him to want to do this, because, although he's pretending to just go about his business, like nothing ever happened, this has to be awkward for him too.
Devastated is understandable, but don't allow yourself to be a victim. Dwelling on what he did just punishes yourself. Be glad you found out what a snake he is now, before you got married and had kids, because then it would really be messy. So, in a way, you're fortunate to be done with him. I'd kick him out or find a new living arrangement. There are a lot of fish in the sea. You'll find another. Enjoy life!
2006-12-05 19:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by seattlego 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like things have been bad for more than just two weeks. He probably has had the girlfriend for some time now and just grew a pair enough to leave . Don't let him stay with you and think of it as if he has been cheating on you . Is he staying at the girlfriends only part time because shes got another man also??? And for GOD SAKES do not sleep with him or you might end up with something you'll never get rid of !!!
2006-12-05 18:51:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First no man just all of a sudden gets a gf that fast... That chick has been around for a while now, u are just finding out about it. Set some rules. Tell him to be home or dont come home. If he doesn't like it then its time for him to go. Dont you think you are worth more than this man is giving you? Dont you think you deserve better, whether it be alone or with him? Make some changes. The only way you can go is up from here. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-05 18:49:13 · answer #5 · answered by mzagge06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a heartless JERK!!!
From what you say, this didn't happen in the past 2 weeks. It's probably been going on a lot longer, so consider yourself lucky that you're done and through with him.
Your living situation is not healthy, though. Are you both on the lease? Talk about him moving, if you can afford to pay for rent yourself, or move somewhere else yourself and tell him to get a roommate.
2006-12-05 18:51:26 · answer #6 · answered by Delfina D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you got caught by surprise here. This has not been going on with him since yesterday so there is no grieving process involved. Being dumped like that is humiliating....I am sorry for you. You do the grieving thing and try not to jump into something else right away.
Someone once said...we are all as faithfull as our options....
2006-12-05 18:50:57 · answer #7 · answered by sdbrian92108 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright hubby done that to me as well, he walked away from 6 years, and moved in with his gf, would even considerate us, and wanted to come home a few nights a week and go back to her, i thought it was very crazy, i just started having a good time, with my old friends, and he got jealous, and never went back to that girls house again, and never talked to her again. Now were doing fine, i dont trust him anymore, but hes gonna earn trust.
2006-12-05 18:55:03 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me your partner has been seeing this person all along. It is totally out of the question that he can come and go as he pleases. He doesn't have any respect for you, it may not be easy but it is time to let go and spend time healing and move on.
2006-12-05 18:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your right it doesn't happen over night ...he has been thinking about this. She is not something new, she is just the newest. He has been thinking about this for awhile. Be sad for a little while, because it hurts and then move on. He is not worth your time even when he trys to come back to you, and ohhhhhh yes, he will try. Even if its just for sex, he will try.
2006-12-05 18:55:31 · answer #10 · answered by SOLO KING 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋