Please help me?

Question

Okay here is the deal. I have lost 65lbs and my hubby has gained 65lbs. I find it gross to make love to him. I have offered to pay for his gym membership but he keeps declining. I have fixed healthy meals for him to eat but he throws it away. He has become more jealous over me the more I lose weight. I have tried to tell him I am doing this for my health and i wanna look sexy for him. He is still really jealous. He comes by the gym to see if i am there. He monitors my phone calls even when i am talking to my mother! This has to stop. I have told him if he does not stop it i am leaving! WHat can i do? WHat am i doing wrong???

Answer 1

Just leave, he sounds like an insecure moron. Sorry to be so blunt.

Answer 2

YOUR ARE DOING A FEW THINGS WRONG, SOME PEOPLE DON'T ACCEPT PROGRESS AS WELL AS OTHERS. TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND TOGETHER, THEN FIND ONE FROM BEFORE YOU LOST THE WIEGHT. PUT BOTH OF THESE PICTURES WHERE HE WILL SEE THEM OFTEN, BUT DON'T MENTION ANYTHING A BOUT IT. MAYBE AFTER A WEEKS WORTH OF HIM SEEING THESE PICTURES HE'LL BE MORE OPEN TO TALK ABOUT THINGS.
YOU MUST REASSURE HIM THAT YOU LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT! HE IS YOUR HUSBAND, 65 POUNDS AND ALL. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO REALIZE HE DOESN'T FEEL ATTRACTIVE TO YOU AND ISN'T HANDLING IT WELL. YOU NOT MAKING LOVE TO HIM DOESN'T HELP. LET HIM WATCH YOU EXCERCISE AT HOME, MAKE IT A FUN THING . REMEMBER YOU HAVE LOST THE WIEGHT, SO YOU DON'T SEE THINGS LIKE YOU USE TO. DON'T LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND BEHIND, AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOUR THE PERFECT SHAPED WOMAN WITH AN OVERWIEGHT HUSBAND. TRY THIS AND PRAY. IT WILL TAKE TIME....
GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK! HE HAS TO WANNA BE HEALTHY HIMSELF! FOR IT TO WORK!

Answer 3

Marriage is the most important relationship. You must communicate and find an understanding. Obviously one of you or both of you are not completely communicating and sharing your thoughts and feelings. He is worried because you are changing and perhaps that has given you confidence that he lacks and you should spend more time with him. I am not saying for you to stop exercising or losing weight but I think you should find another way of exercising and managing it at home. You must sacrifice some things in order to keep a balanced marriage.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are both hurting each other and yourselves equally. You are right to be concerned as it sounds like it is spiraling out of control.

Talk to a marriage counselor. You need an objective party to talk to with both of you in the room.

It's not that you are doing anything wrong. It isn't wise to loose weight for anyone but yourself though because of stuff like this.

Take some time and reflect on who you are and what you want from your marriage. Be fair to him. If he accepted you at 65 pounds over where you are now, why are you not accepting him? What makes it gross for you? Is it because of the perspective you have having lost weight? If so, is it really about him, or is it more about how you feel about yourself?

There really is a lot going on here, and I don't think any of us can help you as much as you and your husband need help. My best to you, and please remember that you both need to love yourselves before you can fully love each other.

Answer 5

I think it's natural for a person to become jealous when their mate starts to look better (especially when they look worse) and are starting to spend time on their own hobbies independently. I don't know if there really is any way to change how he thinks except to try to talk to him...explain how you feel and why you can't accept the way things are going now. One question though about his refusal to work on his weight. When you were heavy, did he try to get you to diet? To exercise? To change your food? If he didn't, repay the favor and don't force it on him. Good luck though.

Answer 6

You are right and he is wrong.

Keep up the great work, but try not to be grossed out by him because that is a major problem

On top of all of that (since short answers always seem to win), let me just say this:

I'm 6'0", 240 lbs. Write me. Help me. Got pics?

Answer 7

Perhaps he feels insecure over your sexy look even though you had made clear to his that u doing this for health and for him..That's explain why he has been so possessive. In addition, maybe try not reminding him of losing wt and etc..This might made him feel that you are despising him..Try talking to him one of these day...Telling him how his acts has caused discomfort in you

Answer 8

sadly, but most of the time when a woman loses weight the first thought a man thinks is whos she trying to impress? This guy seems to be loosing it. He has some real security issues and i think the best thing is to work on them before you do anything else.

Answer 9

You are doing nothing wrong. I too go to the gym to lose weight as it has improved my health. Your husband seems emotionally abusive and perhaps suffers from severe depression. I am not a shrink, but your welfare is at stake!

Answer 10

You aren't doing anything wrong...
He will eventually see that or he'll lose you and realize that he made the mistake, Not You.
Tell him to either get over this sh-t or you are gonna go live with your family for awhile and let him do for himself...

Answer 11

Let him sweat it. He is cooking his own goose being that paranoid. Just be yourself and Loyal. He is not perfect and maby he thinks it's sort of an in your face thing. And slamming his sexual performace is a big hurt for him. that is where he finds alof of his signifigance. He needs to know he is loved Unconditionally.