Need some advice... I dont trust him anymore.?

Question

This will be a bit complicated. Since I was in relationship with this guy, I keep finding out that he checks porn sites. I keep confronting him about it, and he gets real defensive. Still its same story ill change, but he doesnt. This was the source of our constant fights. Our relationship has gone cold for years now. Its been 3 years since weve been "together". We still live at same place, and sadly he supports me financially. I guess its sorta like a sugar daddy situation. He put me through a good private college, and more education. He pays for everything. Im not sure if hes doing this to pay for the "guilt" I honestly can say that I dont love him, the problem is I get jealous everytime hes on some porn site. I dont know how im suppose to react to that. I feel like he's lookin for another guy, and he lies through his teeth. I ask him, and he says he isnt looking for anybody. What is your general sense of my situation?

Answer 1

I feel... errr... do YOU not go on porn sites? *shrugs* I do. Big deal. It's just some visual stimulation. Besides, you say that you don't love him anymore, so I don't really think you should be getting jealous over this. If your relationship has really dwindled down to something financial, then... I don't know. It's your life, and I can't tell you to make him stop paying or to move out or to just stay as is. If it gets to an unbearable point, I personally would want to just separate.

Answer 2

What's wrong with him looking at porn? Porn is healthy. At least he's looking at porn on his computer and not out cruising other guys. He gets defensive because you're confronting him about something that can be a bit embarrassing (think, as if you'd caught him masturbating and harassed him about it).
If anything, you should thank your lucky stars that you have a man that's taking care of you and all you have to do is go to school. What could he possibly feel guilty about? He's watching porn on his computer, in his home that he pays for?
Do you see what I'm getting at?
If anything, why don't you relax and actually take the time to watch some porn with him. It may spice up your sex life and you just might learn a thing or two about what HE likes. Stop making this seem like you're the victim. If you no longer love him, then leave him (criticize and correct, man).
Not what you want to hear? Then fix the problem because you're the only one that seems to have one.

Answer 3

Kyle, he apparently did a lot for you. If I were you, I'd save as much money as I could and begin to look around for a change in place of residence. It does not have to be a bad thing, he changed, and you are still holding on to somethings that can carry uyou through the rest of your life.

Okay, so it's setting in on you that the 'relationship is over. Things like that happen all the time. It's not like you are married.

So you know that you don't like it when a partner is looking at porn. It makes you jealous. Go out. Find someone who is similar to you in your thinking. Someone who also won't accept porn. That's bound to be out there.

You are being taken care of, but you are needing to give this guy some space. Just try to understand, this guy isn't happy with something. He obviously has something wrong with him, try to love him, in an unphysical way. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Go out and talk to other men that you find interesting.

Answer 4

Start by getting a job. A sugar daddy situation? Darling he PAYS for everything. Let him search porn. You just said you "honestly can say you don't love him." Why does he have to be introuble for searching porn? You don't love him anyway. It doesn't matter. Your jelous because you don't want anyone else to have your sugar daddy. You see, you know you got it good. Why else would you care?" Stop using him & start paying for yourself, then you can justify being mad at him looking for porn. It's his place, his electric, his stuff, his computer, etc. Don't you think you really don't have a place to say anything? If you don't love him, why else would you be sticking around pretending to be jelous? Your using him. Now that he educated you by supporting you through school, get off your *** & get smart. Get real here. You must have a cold heart to think it's ok to justify this.

Answer 5

Honestly, I think you need to get out on your own. If you have been to a good private college there is no reason for you to depend on someone else. If you two havent been "together for years, then there really isnt anything there except its easy for you to live off someone. You need to take responsiblilty for your life. Your life must be lonely and sad, and you are so busy checking on him that you dont have time to concentrate on your happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy, and you will never be with this guy. I am a straight female living with a guy that lies to me constantly also, and its a very sad life that I want out of. so I know how difficult it is. But the key here is that you dont love him like I love my guy, so you really should leave. You will feel so much better about yourself if you start being independant. Good luck to you and I hope you find happiness.

Answer 6

Watch with him. Try some of the positions or toys or whatever he finds facinating. Send him out, then try to pick him up like you're just meeting. Also, since you have a good education, get a job so you won't be hung up on this issue. It would bother me too if my partner constantly looked at porn although if only occassionally, it would be ok. Even though this bothers you, he's probably not going to change. Good luck.

Answer 7

Well, for starters to fight over something as trivial as porn sites is an indication that your relationship is heading for the rocks. The fact that he looks at porn isn't the reason I suspect either... i think you are looking for a way out because you feel like a child (no independance... you even said it yourself, he is like a sugar daddy)
So, instead of fighting over the porn and making him feel guilty every time he looks at it (maybe there are things that stimulate him like you are unable to) tell him that you think it best if you both go your seperate ways and be sure to let him know that it is because you feel so powerless and selfish leeching off of him. You want to be independant it seems, but you just can't do it... and you are using his porn surfing as your leverage to get that ball rolling...

that's my opinion tho...

Answer 8

I understand what you are going through as I myself had gone through the same thing THe only thing I can say is that it is best that you either sit down with him and discuss what is bothering you and see if maybe you work it out(to be honest I don't think that it is going to happen for you). Now what I really want to say is that you need to find a job you need to save back some money get yourself on your feet and march on with life...I know that its easier said then done ...It is going to take time and if you can hold out alittle longer than you can do this...LIVE FOR YOU!I wish you the best!

Answer 9

Some people just like porn! It usually has nothing to do with their significant others. It doesnt mean they are looking for someon else. Maybe you are a bit insecure and that is why you are having these feelings. If this relationship is built on honesty,love and mutual respect, I dont see why you cant allow your partner this indulgence.

Answer 10

If I were the other half of your relationship, you'd have been supporting yourself or being supported by someone else years ago. But, if you're willing to be a parasite, and he's willing to be a host, so be it. But, considering that the relationship is cold, loveless, and sexless, and he pays for everything, you are totally out of line to confront him about porn. In my opinion, he SHOULD be looking for someone else. And, so should you.